Intimacy: What a dick - FML

What a dick

By Anonymous - 03/11/2011 07:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I ran into my boyfriend's dad. His exact words were, "Call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 709

You deserved it 5 175

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Spicy

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 586

You deserved it 47 219

You have the same voice!

By EternalBlossom - 14/07/2015 05:03 - United States

Spicy

Today, I had decided that I was ready to have sex with my boyfriend. So, I called him and told him how naughty I felt, only to realize that I had called my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 24 090

By mydadsgonnakillme - 08/02/2013 07:13 - United States - Santa Barbara

Spicy

Today, I introduced my boyfriend to my overprotective father. My boyfriend started out with, "Sir, it is an honor to be your daughter's sexual partner." FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 563

You deserved it 12 438

By iris - 18/05/2012 23:01 - Portugal - Lisbon

Spicy

Today, I brought my boyfriend home, and I introduced him to my parents. Afterwards, I took him to my room so we could have some "bonding" time. Right as things got pretty intense, I heard my dad yell, "Stop faking, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 247

You deserved it 36 265

Uh... Okay?

By Champion sucker - 11/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I was going out with my boyfriend after recently coming out. On my way out the door, my dad looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Suck that dick like a champ tonight, son." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 032

You deserved it 1 829

By Anonymous - 04/01/2014 23:13 - Canada - Hamilton

Today, my boyfriend met my parents. Within minutes, my dad managed to verbally sever his balls and reduce him to tears, "just for fun" apparently. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 700

You deserved it 5 699

By ohgod... - 02/04/2012 02:18 - Canada - Magog

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, he called me "Mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 190

You deserved it 3 432

By _schaden_freude - 27/12/2015 17:31 - United Kingdom - Ashford

Today, my boyfriend's dad came onto me. I was shocked and awkwardly tried to exit the situation. My boyfriend then sprang out and started shouting at me. Apparently, it was a "test" to see if I would still be attracted to him in 30 years. I failed. What. The. Fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 419

You deserved it 1 839

By Oh God - 24/05/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I met my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. Unfortunately for me, his dad walked in to ask what we wanted for dinner while we were having sex. Even worse was that my boyfriend kept going while his dad was there, and his dad later said he was glad I was “the woman”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 134

You deserved it 1 458

Yikes!

By Anonymous - 31/08/2010 05:21 - United States

Spicy

Today, I talked to my boyfriend's dad for the first time. One of the first things that he said to me was, "So, I hear you're a screamer." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 254

You deserved it 7 251

Next

Top comments

damadrappa 4

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

Someones jealous

GuitarFail123 9

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:11

wow... thats umm interesting to say the least....

Comments

fmlikecrazy 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:24

That's creepy, unless maybe he was joking? If you're so worried, tell your boyfriend

DeathBunny218 37

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:28

even if he was joking it's still pretty creepy :s

XxDeathReaperxX 6

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:30

Looooooooool! So creepy.

Savra_fml 17

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:32

Wow, Thanks....Fantastic?

Meme1988 18

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:34

Creepy!

cnkk07 8

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:36

Dad: call me when you're ready to feel what a real man can do to you You: why? Is there someone else, preferably your son?

Flutequeen 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:39

Have u called yet

panvicka 16

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:42

haha he was joking, but creepy anyway... if it happened to me, i could never look at him again

DjeePee 24

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:51

Joking? A joke is supposed to be funny, this, on the contrary, is not funny and even a little bit humiliating. How can OP ever feel comfortable with that man again?

perdix 29

Thursday 3 November 2011 14:02

Well, if he lives up to his brag, he'll give her a night of carnal pleasures that will leave her thrilled and relaxed. That's one way she could become comfortable with him.

malignantmegan 3

Friday 4 November 2011 3:50

84 mmm pleasure lol that makes us all nice and cozy :D Group orgy therapy session time?!? Me hopes so

sixspades 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:46

If I were OP my response would have been Call me when you're ready to experience being ass raped by my foot

Savra_fml 17

Thursday 3 November 2011 13:18

Looool.....not! You will never become an Ace of Spades!

Shadow_Phantom 26

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:49

*shudder* Yeah, that's creepy. Can be kinky for some people, but for most I'd imagine it'd bring up thoughts to call the police.

poopypants09 0

Thursday 3 November 2011 12:49

Hahaha I'm a guy and my girlfriend's mom said the same thing like the same words and everything

faith94m 5

Thursday 3 November 2011 14:13

I find that hard to believe, poopypants09...

marpay 11

Thursday 3 November 2011 14:46

She asked you to call her when you want to know what a real man feels like? Is she a transsexual or a hermaphrodite?

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The Top

Today, I woke up feeling awful, having caught the same illness my boyfriend had last night. When he was sick, I skipped my friend's baby shower to take care of him. Now that I'm sick, he goes to a friend's place, says to call if I need him, then turns his phone off. Seriously. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 100

You deserved it 7 572

Today, my wife dragged me to the bathroom, promising to "show something hot." Not that I was in the mood, but okay. She took off her pants, sat on a toilet, and demanded that I tell her about my day. She wanted me to entertain her while she was taking a dump. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 85

The Top

Today, it's the sixth day of no power after hurricane Milton. No air conditioning and freezing cold showers hit so much harder at 36 weeks pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 569

You deserved it 88

Today, I heard back from my dream job! I was declined by the computer system because I didn't include whether I was full-time or part-time. I work in a different department at the same place, and as part of the required documents I had included my pay records showing that I am a full-time employee of 12 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 90

Today, my wife wasn't feeling well. She called her doctor, who isn't seeing patients due to COVID. Had to take her to the ER. After numerous tests, they told her that her potassium levels were low. Diagnosis: eat a banana. When we get the bill(s) from the hospital, this will be the most expensive banana ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 991

You deserved it 291

Today, the windows on my car were frozen. I filled up a bucket of hot water, and threw it on the windows. The windows cracked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 685

You deserved it 82 639

Today, I finally summoned the courage to ask my roommate to chip in for electricity costs. She called me a bitch, proceeded to tell me she can't afford it despite working full time and I part time, and blocked me on all communications. Uhm, what ? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 256

You deserved it 349

Today, I received an email telling me that the t-shirt I ordered almost a month ago as a Christmas present for my brother had finally been delivered. Unfortunately, it was delivered to my college dorm, which is 2 hours away. I won't be able to pick it up until mid-January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 448

You deserved it 989