Money, Kids and Drugs: What the…?

What the…?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from a month long vacation to find my house absolutely trashed with a lot of valuable items missing. Burglary? Nope. My dad, who was meant to be house-sitting for me, let the neighbour's teenage son have several parties there in exchange for weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 917

You deserved it 551

New Year, New Blunders
Celebrate the New Year with stories of resolutions broken in less than 24 hours and memorable New Year's Eves... for all the wrong reasons! More…

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Same thing different taste

Thanks for all your help

By jruth7 - 15/05/2011 04:49 - United States

Today, after being in Europe for a month, I got home to find my door wide open and all my stuff gone. I called my dad who was supposed to be watching my house. He told me I should have had someone check on my place while I was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 027

You deserved it 3 699

Open invitation

By Anonymous - 18/04/2022 06:00 - United States - Morganville

Today, after a grueling business trip, my husband and I came home to all our furniture broken, every window smashed, all the floors scratched and carpets ripped, all our electronics stolen, and all our food and booze gone. What happened? Our son held a party and invited literally everyone he could from campus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 301

You deserved it 187

By kenz - 06/12/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I returned from a week-long vacation. My landlord told me he had let my boyfriend in my apartment to get something. I don't have a boyfriend. Everything in my apartment is gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 419

You deserved it 2 556

By XYZee - 22/08/2012 20:27 - United States - Rockmart

Today, after quite a long work day, I got home to find my house had been broken into. Everything but my sleeping boyfriend was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 950

You deserved it 2 009

By Aaron - 01/12/2011 22:00

Today, my house was broken into. How? My mom left a key under a flower pot on the porch. She also left a note on the door saying so. He stole all of my guitars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 535

You deserved it 2 749

By nice one - 14/07/2013 17:51 - United States - Athens

Today, I got home from a week-long vacation with my friend's family. When I got back home, I found the garage door had been completely demolished. My uncontrollably drunk dad blamed me. I don't even drive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 796

You deserved it 2 744

By pillowless - 13/10/2011 14:41 - United States

Today, I came home to find that my house had been broken into. The items stolen were my PS3, cell phone, laptop, tablets, and for some reason my deodorant and pillowcases as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 972

You deserved it 2 411

By Lindso1 - 06/07/2018 01:30

Today, I came home to find my home had been broken into. Nothing was taken, but all the drains were plugged and the water left blasting on high, with a note that said “enjoy the mess”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 223

You deserved it 245

Overreacting much?

By But you drink alcohol though - 19/04/2023 03:00

Today, I came from a 12-hour shift to find my clothes and stuff outside, and the locks changed. I called my mom to let me in and she told me, “Hell the fuck no, I’m not having a drug addicted junkie up in my house! You’re no longer my daughter!” and hung up. Apparently, she found my stash of weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 709

False alarm

By Anonymous - 31/10/2015 16:41 - United Kingdom - Houghton Le Spring

Today, I was at the airport waiting for my flight to leave for Hawaii when I received an urgent call from my neighbour saying that my house had been broken into. After rushing home and missing my flight, I had to explain to the police that my house wasn't burgled, it was just very messy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 733

You deserved it 5 929

indienerdgirl 27

Thursday 8 February 2018 17:38

Never let your dad in your house again. I'd also hold him responsible for all the missing items that were stolen.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 8 February 2018 15:48

You ought to open a can of jiu-jitsu whoop-ass on him!

Comments

Glowworm56 26

Thursday 8 February 2018 15:32

You had one job, dad! One job!

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 8 February 2018 15:48

You ought to open a can of jiu-jitsu whoop-ass on him!

indienerdgirl 27

Thursday 8 February 2018 17:38

Never let your dad in your house again. I'd also hold him responsible for all the missing items that were stolen.

Allie614032 34

Thursday 8 February 2018 18:06

Sneak his credit card and order a cleaning service on it.

Lobby_Bee 17

Thursday 8 February 2018 19:32

He better be getting at least 10 kilos of weed for it.

thatslifeiguess7 16

Thursday 8 February 2018 21:27

Wow is dad going thru a midlife crisis

boopingsnoot 24

Thursday 8 February 2018 21:55

Call the cops

carandcartoonfan 1

Friday 9 February 2018 23:13

you should tell your mom to divorce your dad or you can kick him in the nuts

CoyoteOldOne 17

Sunday 11 February 2018 8:19

Maybe you should let a pack of raccoons into his house for a party.

unintended_consequence 5

Wednesday 14 February 2018 19:46

canabisome?

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Christmas Work Cute Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Shopping Awkward Gifts Health Friends Relatable Hair Poopoo peepee Money Education Animals Gross Neighbours Cops Intimacy Sex Love Smells Painful First Dates Music Grieving

The Top

Today, my girlfriend went on a date with her mechanic. She said it was to get discounts when she goes in for maintenance. Not only does she not see a problem with it, but she's probably getting discounts on other services too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 742

You deserved it 5 266

Today, after 10+ years of being best friends, I finally told my best friend "I love you" while we were on the phone. To which she said, "That's OK, but…" and continued the conversation. Maybe I shouldn't have drank so much, or waited so long. We're both in happy marriages, with kids with other people now though. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 896

The Top

Today, at 32 weeks pregnant, I found my boyfriend passed out face down in his own vomit. Not only does our freshly-painted game room now smell like a dirty bar, but he also let our 2 strictly indoor cats outside. They have yet to return. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 829

You deserved it 535

Today, I took a picture of a carrot that closely resembled a penis and sent it to one of my friends. My parents saw the photo and grounded me, thinking it was an actual dick pic. They refuse to believe otherwise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 323

You deserved it 930

Today, I realised that my work office is the building that I have spent by far the most amount of time in throughout my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 146

Today, I got dragged into playing doubles tennis. It was me and my wife against her parents. I wound up hitting the ball too hard. My mother-in-law, who has the reaction times of a comatose turtle, got nailed. Everyone's convinced I did it on purpose because of our mutual hatred of each other. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 280

You deserved it 2 420

Today, I'm banned from the only working bathroom in my house because my mother is cleansing for an upcoming colonoscopy. My options are either a bucket in the basement, or wetting myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 101

Today, after nearly three years of no contact whatsoever, I received a Facebook notification from my father. Eager to see what he said, I pulled it up only to see a game request. He had run out of lives on Candy Crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 315

You deserved it 343