Miscellaneous: Why so serious?

Why so serious?

By DwarfFrog - 18/06/2012 11:38 - United States

Today, my grandmother threatened to kill herself with a banana. She then got angry with me when I didn't attempt to get the banana away from her. My mom punished me because I didn't take the situation seriously enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 442

You deserved it 3 390

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Same thing different taste

Quality family time

By really mature, GRAN - 25/12/2012 20:59 - United States - El Macero

Today, my psycho grandma yelled at me for being an "immature brat" by not offering to wash the dishes after dinner. I reminded her that when I offered last time, she raged at me for being "condescending." She responded by faking a heart attack and getting me indefinitely grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 778

You deserved it 3 078

By aelia_oups - 31/12/2012 22:09 - France - Taverny

Today, as I have been for 10 years, I'm allergic to fruit. After an argument with my mother, she yelled, "Here, have a banana and go kill yourself!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 334

You deserved it 7 539

By lady_jeni - 09/07/2009 07:29 - United States

Today, I went to see my grandmother. She has alzheimers and doesn't remember me sometimes, and today she thought I was her sister and that I was trying to steal my grandfather from her. She hit me with a cane and called me a slut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 520

You deserved it 3 237

By Anonymous - 16/06/2017 06:00 - United States - North Olmsted

Today, my mom tried to ground me. In the apartment that I own. Because I didn't eat enough of the dinner that I'd made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 811

You deserved it 389

By phonesmuggler - 18/04/2013 19:30 - United States

Today, I briefly left my laptop while I went to use the toilet. When I came back, I found "I" had posted on Facebook, calling my mom a "stupid cunt who should just stay in the kitchen." The only other person home at the time was my grandpa. She didn't believe it, and permanently grounded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 884

You deserved it 5 817

Chill out

By Bruce - 01/12/2022 18:00

Today, I had to warn my wife not to kill her insane mother. I was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 814

You deserved it 93

It wasn't me!

By cantwin - 31/05/2013 13:54 - Belgium - Zwevegem

Today, I visited my grandma. Shortly after I arrived, she freaked out after finding a "snake" in her closet. It was a rubber snake that my brother must have put there yesterday as a prank. I picked it up and told her it was fake. She then yelled at me for playing such a disgusting prank on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 487

You deserved it 3 716

By Anonymous - 10/05/2013 19:28 - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 677

You deserved it 6 461

By Anonymous - 17/02/2012 08:01 - United States

Today, I was in a grocery store with my great-grandmother. It would've been nice to know she hadn't taken her medication before she started beating the cashier with her umbrella. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 486

You deserved it 2 281

By Jaws - 10/02/2011 16:09 - France

Today, I got slapped in the face by my girlfriend with a banana skin, because I finished up the chocolate cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 775

You deserved it 38 591

arniebrah 8

Monday 18 June 2012 16:03

Lol that's like 3 FMLs in one

BuffaloSabres134 8

Monday 18 June 2012 16:03

I hate it when that happens.

Comments

cfunk13 1

Monday 18 June 2012 20:14

what the hell did i just read....

cfunk13 1

Monday 18 June 2012 20:15

but tht really sux ass none the less yet funny

llortemageht 7

Monday 18 June 2012 20:45

Maybe she was about to overdose on potassium from them

missyfiona89 28

Monday 18 June 2012 21:02

Didn't u know that an average of 13% of suicides in America consist of bananas?

Leslier_fml 4

Monday 18 June 2012 21:20

You should have played along. Lol

Jasonf6 0

Monday 18 June 2012 22:51

Sounds like she's gonna be just like her mother: an idiot.

vanessaizawesome 8

Monday 18 June 2012 23:02

Your grandmother really couldn't kill herself with a banana!

samikitty961 8

Monday 18 June 2012 23:09

Sie isst die Banane, ohne was von den Folgen zu ahnen...

Spark_Slicker 19

Monday 18 June 2012 23:48

In their defense, it WAS a banana.

stevo918 3

Tuesday 19 June 2012 0:02

Knife or banana

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The Top

Today, while on vacation with my siblings and the horde of nieces and nephews, me and hubby managed to sneak in a quickie. It was a quickie alright. For the first time in our marriage he blew his load after 2 strokes because he was afraid of being interrupted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 055

You deserved it 679

Today, my seventy-year-old male live-in landlord asked if I'd heard a low humming noise the last few nights, around midnight, as someone had mentioned it. I feigned ignorance, whilst silently lamenting the decline of my self-pleasure opportunities. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 283

The Top

Today, my dad took me to the 'Super Butcher'. It's basically a warehouse turned into a giant, walk-in meat freezer, complete with headless pig carcasses. I'm a vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 467

You deserved it 12 525

Today, my boyfriend and I exchanged promise rings. I promised that I would stay committed to him and that he was the only one for me. He promised that he would stop seeing other woman behind my back. He wasn't kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 221

You deserved it 5 367

Today, I was watching the show "Sixteen and Pregnant". I started bawling when the girl's dirtbag boyfriend proposed to her with a $20 ring he bought from Walmart because I was so lonely and was jealous of her "romantic relationship". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 244

You deserved it 12 807

Today, I was mauled by my own dog. I own a Chihuahua. FML

I agree, your life sucks 991

You deserved it 1 251

Today, at lunch, my seven-year-old daughter and I had a chat. I asked her if she had a sweetheart. She said, "My sex life is none of your business." FML

I agree, your life sucks 664

You deserved it 105

Today, I realized I have finally turned into my mother when I got excited about using so many coupons that I only paid 70 cents for $14 worth of groceries. I need a life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 247