Alcohol, Cars and Miscellaneous: Why would I do that to me?

Why would I do that to me?

By car keyer - 02/12/2013 06:41 - United States - Mary Esther

Today, I called the police to report that my car had been keyed. I remember going to a bar last night and getting drunk. A surveillance camera revealed that after my drunken self couldn't unlock the door to my car, I punched the door and hurt my fist so bad that I keyed my own car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 782

You deserved it 54 774

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By MadameM - 26/02/2009 08:17 - United States

Today, I accidentally locked my car and house keys along with my phone in my car. Then I had to break into my own house looking for the spare. Someone called the police and I had to explain that I lived there. I forgot to grab the spare when I went to talk to the police officers I locked the door behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 142

You deserved it 9 763

Overreaction

By anonymous - 02/06/2013 05:20 - United States - Yorktown Heights

Today, I accidentally hit someone's car while in the supermarket car park. I left a note, went shopping, and when I came back my windows were shattered, my tires were slashed, and "FUCK YOU" was written on my windshield. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 722

You deserved it 15 862

Adding insult to injury

By Username - 10/02/2011 02:48 - United States

Today, I got into an accident and my car was totaled. My friends then took me out to a bar for a drink to make me feel better. It appears that the police officer I'd spoken to had kept my I.D. by mistake and I couldn't get into the bar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 432

You deserved it 4 070

By MC Turtledick - 15/02/2012 01:28 - United States

Today, I walked out and saw four kids mercilessly keying my car. When I questioned them on it, they said "Oh, that was your car? Oh well at least we didn't pee on your door handles too." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 753

You deserved it 2 166

By chevysprint - 28/02/2010 05:36 - Canada

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I was late for work so I went to smash the side window with a big rock. The rock bounced off the window and into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 414

You deserved it 33 390

By seththing - 22/05/2016 03:49

Today, I locked my keys in my car. I had a spare key in my wallet, that I also left in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 110

You deserved it 3 177

By wtfman101 - 28/08/2009 14:56 - United States

Today, I woke up to find the entire driver's side of my car wrecked. Front door, back door, front and rear bumper smashed to shit. A drunk driver had hit it the previous night and ran. Don't worry though, he stopped and left his insurance information. He keyed it into the undamaged side of my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 031

You deserved it 2 720

By uppiskalle - 12/09/2014 14:32 - United States - Riverside

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 571

You deserved it 45 727

Angry much?

By NeedANewWindshield - 24/08/2019 14:00

Today, some unprovoked drunk asshole tried punching a hole through the windshield of my car. While I was driving it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 617

You deserved it 97

Ninja move

By kiran - 24/10/2009 04:19 - United States

Today, I went to the post office. As I entered the building, my car alarm went off. Thinking I'd accidentally pressed the alarm on my keys, I shut it off without looking. When I returned to my car, the passenger window was demolished and my purse with all my money was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 073

You deserved it 39 651

siberianhamster 17

Monday 2 December 2013 16:12

YDI, twice over for trying to drive.

BntyHntrSeattle 30

Monday 2 December 2013 16:12

At least you couldn't drive!!

Comments

PhilSnake22 13

Monday 2 December 2013 16:29

You are one of the dumbest drunks I've come across.

rdenkewicz 11

Monday 2 December 2013 16:32

For the good of humanity, press charges against yourself and go to jail!

iknowiwantyou 13

Monday 2 December 2013 16:34

OP keyed is own car and probably will have to pay a huge amount to fix it and you're just worried about the hangover?

foxy_grampa 19

Monday 2 December 2013 16:38

You were so drunk that you probably would have killed yourself driving. So you deserve this, the car was just saving your life

Gpmo 10

Monday 2 December 2013 16:39

idiot. to bad they weren't around to arrest you at the time. never a cop when you need one.

Dynosaur_dollie 38

Monday 2 December 2013 16:47

YDI entirely for even attempting to drive. In fact you are a ******* imbecile for considering that. I am very glad you couldn't get your car unlocked asshole. Why yes I do have a great deal of anger towards people like this. I myself am a victim of a drunk driver, I am survivor of one very tragic encounter. However my 8 year old brother did not survive that encounter. OP you deserved and I sincerely hope you realize how selfish your actions were and smarten up.