Weird, Wanker and Intimacy: Why would you say that? - FML

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Why would you say that?

By Rowaelin16 - 23/08/2016 02:50 - United States - Chicago

Spicy

Today, my family and I finally moved out of our apartment, and into a more accommodating house. However, as we were leaving, my brother leans over and whispers in my ear, "I've masturbated in every room of that apartment, but it was the best in your room." We've lived there for 3 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 053

You deserved it 1 482

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Same thing different taste

Privacy

By Anonymous - 20/07/2019 22:00 - Australia - Brighton

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my brother masturbating. In the living room. For the second time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 917

You deserved it 261

Welcome to the funhouse

By Anonymous - 13/04/2023 02:00 - Switzerland - Zurich

Today, my brother and I moved out of an apartment into a new one. We both have ADD. Whatever you now imagine what that went like, yes, it exactly went like that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 614

You deserved it 199

Great help

By got got - 30/01/2020 14:00

Today, I just moved in with my friend and had my brother help with the move. Later that night both my brother and my friend wouldn't let me sleep because of how loud the sex was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 347

You deserved it 314

Put your foot down

By K.. - 28/02/2021 14:01 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I moved into our own house. He proceeded to invite his parents to stay for the week. The same parents we've lived with for the past 5 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 392

You deserved it 181

Scheduling

By Anonymous - 20/07/2010 04:53 - United States

Spicy

Today, I moved into my new apartment and met my new roommate. Immediately after shaking hands he suggested that we make a "masturbation schedule" to avoid any awkward situations. Way to avoid an awkward situation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 240

You deserved it 4 228

By Sherry - 11/07/2012 13:29 - United States - Middletown

Spicy

Today, my brother had a party with over 60 people in my basement. It turns out that five different couples had sex under the same comforter. The comforter was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 067

You deserved it 3 204

By Volume_control - 10/11/2009 14:41 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were having it off in his den, I screamed at the height of my climax, and from the family room came the roaring laughter of my boyfriend's brothers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 852

You deserved it 31 417

Quiet please

By mute - 16/04/2016 00:56 - New Zealand - Auckland

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend finally moved out from his parents' house to his friend's flat. Excited that I wouldn't have to be so silent when we had sex anymore, I went over to spend the night. His bedroom is right next to his friend's 4-year-old daughter's room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 122

You deserved it 3 561

Welcome

By Anonymous - 24/12/2020 20:01

Today, I had to clean out my husband's brother's room as he is moving. The room was filled with childish toys, mould and years of dust covered everything. Behind and under every piece of furniture were earwax encrusted cotton swabs, hundreds of them. Oh yeah, he's moving in with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 076

You deserved it 151

By fmjob - 21/07/2009 04:39 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 90 311

You deserved it 6 254

Next

Top comments

Notesz_b 13

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:52

Well then...that's inappropriate.

Hefri123 19

Tuesday 23 August 2016 10:50

Shit in his bed?

Comments

potatoesforlife 9

Saturday 27 August 2016 13:21

*leans in as well* "I know"

edward_cooper 10

Sunday 28 August 2016 15:17

savage af

justinb97 16

Monday 5 September 2016 11:05

That's only a little concerning.....

KittieTetaz520 15

Wednesday 14 September 2016 12:39

That's not awkward

Manual_Manoosy 21

Saturday 29 April 2017 0:21

Cool story bro

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The Top

Today, I had surgery on my foot. The doctor told me I'd be on crutches for 6 months. I texted my boyfriend the news, promising lots of intimate favors if he'd watch movies with me while on bed rest for the next week. He texted back, "No way. I don't date cripples." Dumped for a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 384

You deserved it 5 277

Today, I carried flat-packed boxes home from work to move my things into a new apartment. Whilst walking down the street, the wind kept blowing and spinning me round. A crowd eventually gathered, mistaking me for a street performer. Nobody helped or even threw me any loose change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 150

You deserved it 3 830

The Top

Today, I learned that the excessive groin sweating I've been trying to deal with for weeks isn't groin sweating. It's a slow and steady stream of urine that I have no control over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 145

You deserved it 3 777

Today, I was stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper in a family member’s house. I looked around and found baby wipes. I was saved! Unfortunately, they were actually Clorox wipes. The bleach gave me a chemical burn in my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 755

You deserved it 1 441

Today, I found out that it is possible for someone else to cancel my Internet, TV and phone services in two days. However it'll take me 5 days, after 6 hours on the phone, to get it back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 427

You deserved it 266

Today, our boss offered use of the restaurant for free for my 50th. It went well but afterward he asked us to clean up, then started pulling all the deep-cleaning equipment out of storage, saying, “Might as well while you’re all here.” The cleaning took longer than the party. Bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 597

You deserved it 112

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 688

You deserved it 2 376

Today, I had my first steamy wet dream. It involved the Power Rangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 181

You deserved it 1 112