Intimacy: Wisdom

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 3 063

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Same thing different taste

By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 994

You deserved it 6 238

Advice time

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 10:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 147

You deserved it 2 274

Mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 256

You deserved it 20 796

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 90 485

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 507

You deserved it 2 898

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 208

You deserved it 4 187

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 696

You deserved it 5 204

Sex work is real work

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 573

You deserved it 2 728

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 338

By dynah114 - 27/01/2013 19:08 - Israel - Petah Tiqva

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 350

You deserved it 2 484

0_0ha 13

Saturday 27 October 2012 2:54

The day when your grandmother tells you to be a ****...

EvilPotato 14

Saturday 27 October 2012 2:54

If mothers know best, then grandmothers must really know everything best.

Comments

ICastillo 24

Saturday 27 October 2012 3:15

Actually thats messed up when your sweet innocent old grandma gives you the sex talk and you find out that she is a freaky old thang.

DocBastard 38

Saturday 27 October 2012 3:16

Your grandmother is clearly senile. There's no such thing as a grandmother who still gives ********. Is there? Hang on... *checks google* *discovers granny ***** I...uh...stand corrected. Please excuse me while I vomit my entire day's food.

mario2012 18

Saturday 27 October 2012 3:28

I don't blame you. I would too.

metalhead4740 14

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:37

I would as well...

CrewBoy 10

Saturday 27 October 2012 4:40

No teeth? No problem. Best ******** you can get.

Draxanoth 15

Saturday 27 October 2012 5:34

#33 It's called the 'No Denture Adventure'

perdix 29

Saturday 27 October 2012 6:41

Sarah Palin's a grandma. Getting a bj from her is a double fantasy. First, there's the usual sensation, but then I help America by preventing her from spouting off her right-wing screed.

doctorhook86 24

Saturday 27 October 2012 17:51

50: Her sooper-dooper accent mekes me wanna kill myself, donchakno? I kin see Russia frem my hoose, eh? Elso I pick stoopid nemes fer my kids becoz I'm a hackey -mam and en Ameerican patriat! ****. Putting anything in her mouth is preferable to listening to her talk.

perdix 29

Saturday 27 October 2012 3:22

Fool me one decade, shame on you. Fool me a second decade, shame on me! I can't believe that Grandma is so gullible that Gramps could have conned her over and over again. Maybe her advice about sleeping around indiscriminately is likewise misguided.