Intimacy: Wisdom - FML

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 449

You deserved it 3 063

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Same thing different taste

By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Spicy

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 994

You deserved it 6 238

Advice time

By Anonymous - 15/02/2010 10:02 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, my grandmother gave me a sex talk on how I should take "precautions", right in the middle of a packed bus station. I'm 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 147

You deserved it 2 274

Mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 256

You deserved it 20 796

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 248

You deserved it 90 485

By CallaC - 15/03/2012 02:01 - Canada

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk. Almost before he could open his mouth, my mother popped her head into the room and said, "Be realistic, Dan. Who would want to sleep with that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 507

You deserved it 2 898

Don't wanna know

By Anonymous - 16/02/2011 05:50

Spicy

Today, my dad gave me the dreaded sex talk, but he got sidetracked and started talking about how good my mum was in bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 208

You deserved it 4 187

By ReallyMom - 09/01/2014 21:48 - United States - Shawano

Spicy

Today, my mom tried giving me the sex talk. Her version of "the talk" consisted of making me watch videos of guys jacking off and reassuring me that "it's natural." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 696

You deserved it 5 204

Sex work is real work

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Spicy

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 573

You deserved it 2 728

By PPP - 28/04/2015 15:05 - United States

Spicy

Today, I overheard my mom giving my 6-year-old daughter the sex talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 659

You deserved it 3 338

By dynah114 - 27/01/2013 19:08 - Israel - Petah Tiqva

Spicy

Today, at my cousin's birthday party, my grandma took me to one side, slipped me a pad, and started ranting that tampons "steal your virginity" and that I should never use them. Well, okay then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 350

You deserved it 2 484

Next

Top comments

0_0ha 13

Saturday 27 October 2012 2:54

The day when your grandmother tells you to be a ****...

EvilPotato 14

Saturday 27 October 2012 2:54

If mothers know best, then grandmothers must really know everything best.

Comments

akiahara 14

Sunday 28 October 2012 10:37

she's got a point, whippersnapper.

jayzyone 4

Wednesday 7 November 2012 20:52

Experience is the best teacher and the foundation upon which wisdom is built. Sounds like granny had enough experience to give you some wise advice.

artnotwar 4

Wednesday 14 November 2012 4:49

Hahaha I think I love your grandma ;)

becka311 6

Wednesday 19 December 2012 19:34

Lol.. That is funny

gabygabs 8

Thursday 2 January 2014 7:25

oh grandma grandma :'P

Keywords

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The Top

Today, while my boyfriend and I were on a picnic date out in the country, things got a little heated. When we were switching positions, he screamed and started running around. Turns out neither of us noticed the beehive in the tree above us until his dick got stung. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 296

You deserved it 1 134

Today, myself and my pug entered a novelty dog competition at the local fair. We won first prize in the lookalike contest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 233

The Top

Today, I had a lady come up to me in a store just to tell me how bad my acne was and what remedies I should use. I got so embarrassed, all I could say was, "OK" and, "Thank you" until she left me alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 566

You deserved it 1 467

Today, I found out my mother-in-law sold a precious family heirloom and gambled away the money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 107

Today, my boyfriend pulled on my pubes and made 'engine starting' noises. This was his attempt at foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 608

You deserved it 15 234

Today, as I was trying to get into the grocery store, I had a sneezing fit. I've typically never had one, so I didn't really know how to handle it. This one was a new record: 11 sneezes and I hadn't had the foresight to bring tissues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 337

You deserved it 89

Today, I told my husband to stop his friendship with our neighbor’s 17 year-old daughter. They claim they just play video games together, but lately he’s been uninterested in sex and barely shows me any affection. He vehemently said, “It’s not like we’re fucking or anything! Chill!” and stormed out of the house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 151

Today, my dad trusted me to go driving by myself in his car. I foolishly celebrated by doing a jump heel click, landed awkwardly, threw my hand out to stop myself falling, and scraped the whole bunch of keys down the driver's door. He trusted me for like 3 seconds and I blew it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 1 431