Health: Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's...

By monkeywrench - 30/08/2015 11:29 - Sweden

Today, I was hit by acute food poisoning while attending a colleague's birthday party at his home. The toilet had a door that wouldn't close all the way, there were only three sheets of toilet paper left, and I had to walk home through town, in a dress, with my soiled underwear in a plastic bag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 973

You deserved it 1 793

November 11: Memories and smiles
Historical anecdotes with a light touch to commemorate with a respectful smile. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

The squits

By Cliff - 11/10/2024 00:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, I got food poisoning from a restaurant that I had chosen for our company party. Everyone who went blamed me for their predicament. I also had to run to the toilet every ten minutes while they were all mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 396

You deserved it 92

Hot lava from both ends

By SickBoi - 30/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Cambridge

Today, I was suffering from food poisoning and had constant diarrhea, along with feeling nauseous. I couldn't hold my vomit in and rushed to the toilet, but due to the pressure, I pooped while still in pajamas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 975

You deserved it 96

You OK in there?

By stinkypants - 10/11/2011 03:15 - India

Today, I went to a dinner party. I had a bad stomach, so I made a dash to the bathroom and forgot to lock the door. While I was in, I heard some voices outside. In a panic, my reflex was to get up and lock the door. I did so, while simultaneously shitting all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 788

You deserved it 11 865

By Redhairchick - 06/11/2016 07:08

Today, I got severe diarrhea while out dancing with friends. On my way home, I got hit with the urge again. I couldn't find an open toilet and I had to resort to relieving myself in an alley. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 061

You deserved it 932

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 743

You deserved it 893

Cringe

By mikesok988 - 07/05/2009 07:40 - United States

Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 475

You deserved it 4 811

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 172

Food poisoning

By brown and sticky - 16/01/2020 14:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I got food poisoning. After leaving class 4 times to poop, I sharted in the school bus on the ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 540

You deserved it 205

Get rid of the evidence!

By Anonymous - 18/08/2020 17:11

Today, while my roommate was taking a bath, I became horribly sick out of nowhere. Since the bathroom was occupied, I ended up having explosive diarrhea in an Amazon box in my bedroom, which I immediately ran out to the dumpster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 656

You deserved it 154

Almost there, we're almost there…

By Anonymous - 26/09/2020 08:02 - United States - Rockaway Park

Today, I was rushing to walk home because my stomach was upset. I dodged multiple people, getting closer and closer, got my front door open, got up my stairs, and then lost control of my bowels on the top step. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 365

You deserved it 104

limegreenpoopie 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:43

Oh I'm so sorry :( that sucks

inhindsight 11

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:52

Now that's not a cute look at all

Comments

limegreenpoopie 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:43

Oh I'm so sorry :( that sucks

_imacooldude_ 10

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:44

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

cameron6731 13

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:20

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

meli1195 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:50

because it isn't ifunny. comments are displayed in the order they were posted.

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:50

cause its too close to the "shitty situation" comment

MassiDelta 28

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:46

Talk about a... Shitty situation! Anybody? No? Ok...

MassiDelta 28

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:49

I know that was a pretty... Crappy pun!

MassiDelta 28

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:42

I'm serious, these puns really suck. I'm sorry

thatnakedguy 17

Sunday 30 August 2015 20:11

Much like the plunger the college would of used after the incident

J_Kertz 14

Tuesday 1 September 2015 11:21

NO. GOD. PLEASE GOD NO. NO. NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.

RenamonFucksLuna 21

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:48

Well... Damn dude...

MagnusDeus 24

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:49

That just sounds like an all around bummer.

inhindsight 11

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:52

Now that's not a cute look at all

chriss2015 13

Sunday 30 August 2015 18:58

Hopefully they where understanding. Sorry about your luck OP ?

bigbluetardis 21

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:14

That's awful to hear OP. I hope you feel better soon!

WOTAN1488 24

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:30

Shittiness intensifies.

MandyO 15

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:34

How did the colleague only have three sheets of toilet paper in the whole house while hosting a party?

RedPillSucks 31

Sunday 30 August 2015 19:52

agreed. that is a poor host

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Transportation Cars Awkward Dentist Health Love Shopping My ex Animals Cats Work Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird Family Holidays Vacation AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Funerals Harassment Relatable Engagement Food Ironic Money

The Top

Today, I asked my mom if she'd seen my financial calculator on my way out to an exam. She told me she'd tossed it in the donation pile that she'd taken to the Salvation Army this morning because it was "clutter." I needed it to take an exam required to pass the class, to graduate next month. The only place to buy a replacement was closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 535

You deserved it 228

Today my boyfriend of one year dumped me. When I started crying, he said, “Want to know something that will make you hate me so you won’t be so sad?” and then told me he’s been cheating on me with multiple women, the entire time we’ve been dating. He thought that would comfort me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 605

You deserved it 207

The Top

Today, I was telling my sister about the stupid sorts of questions I get asked at work. She looked at me and said "I give you five years until you turn into a raging, chain-smoking corporate bitch." My mom agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 521

You deserved it 4 364

Today, I was going down on a girl. When I looked up she was texting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 181 798

You deserved it 52 062

Today, my wife of 2 years told me she was pregnant, after we've been trying for ages. Excited, about to call my parents, then, my wife told me, "Don't get your hopes up it might not be yours, the father could be 5 other guys." And then asked me what I'd like for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 262

You deserved it 345

Today, as I'd been going to a gym with my wife as a guest on her account, I joined as a regular member. However, before I had time to go under my own membership, the gym closed down due to the coronavirus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 535

You deserved it 250

Today, it's my birthday. My boss's birthday is 5 days away. Instead of wishing me happy birthday, the staff decided to surprise my boss with an early gift. We also had to take a picture of him with everyone. I work at another branch alone, and had to post the picture to social media. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 910

You deserved it 103

Today, and every time go I to the gym this guy follows me. A week ago, I saw him taking photos of me, so I left that gym and went to another one, but the creep was still there. What do I do? FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 124

Same thing different taste

Top comments

Comments