health

Transmission

By cough cough - 12/08/2022 06:00 - Australia

Today, the day after visiting my grandparents, I woke up with a sore throat and guttural cough. Once again, my mother neglected to tell me that she'd gotten cold symptoms after I saw her. Now I get to hope that she hasn't given me Covid again, and I haven't given it to my frail grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 887

You deserved it 117

Careless and carefree

By Anonymous - 12/08/2022 07:00 - Romania

Today, when I crossed the street, I almost died because of a careless driver, but when I crossed it again on my way back, I got hit by a bicycle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 697

You deserved it 296

I'm blue dabadi dabada

By Ricky - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, in order to look nice for a date, I tried the new blue mouthwash that turns plaque blue so you know where to brush. I couldn't get all the blue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 627

You deserved it 48 244

Sensitivity overload

By Anonymous - 11/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I was diagnosed with hyperosmia, a strong sense of smell and extreme repulsion to certain scents. Unfortunately, one of my biggest aversions is the smell of my own vagina. Even the smallest hint makes me dry heave. I wish I could have it removed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 257

You deserved it 196

Wrong sort of doctoring

By Rude, but right - 10/08/2022 09:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my dad went to the doctor to find out if he is autistic. When we walked in, the doctor asked why he wasn't testing if he was diabetic, effectively calling my dad fat. My dad was deeply offended, so I gave that jackass doctor an earful. But as it turns out, he was correct. My dad does have diabetes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 270

You deserved it 1 373

ER time

By sero - 10/08/2022 04:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I cut my hand on nothing while at work. It bled so much, I began to feel woozy, and everyone kept brushing me off when I asked where the first aid kits were. FML

I agree, your life sucks 969

You deserved it 131

Injury meet insult

By hystcheria - 09/08/2022 16:00 - United States - Fredericksburg

Today, I shattered my ankle while mountain biking with my boyfriend. As I lay writhing on the ground, waiting for the ambulance, he traced the outline of my thigh and said, "You should get this suctioned out while you're in the hospital." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 153

Stuck

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, I had to take a laxative for the first time. Instead of working gently overnight like it promised, I woke up at 3 a.m. to an unrelenting river of shit that made my legs numb on the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 033

You deserved it 157

How could you be so selfish?

By Anonymous - 09/08/2022 12:00

Today, my sister asked me to babysit so they could have date night, AKA sex without children in the house. I have a major surgery tomorrow and am in no fit mental state for three children under 10, so I said no. She called me an inconsiderate prick and slammed my door, breaking the glass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 621

You deserved it 145

Deez nuts

By I hate my skin - 08/08/2022 14:59 - United States

Today, I have a massive boil on my genitals. I can't move, sit, or do anything without it flaring up. It's basically a constant dull pain on my nuts that gets worse when I move. No, I do not have genital warts, I just have horrible skin problems. This isn't the first time it's happened, either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 104

Dental practice

By urbantrashcan - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dentist and his hygienist were flirting while they worked on my mouth. I didn't really mind, however I definitely minded when the hygienist pierced my gum with her tool because she was laughing at one of his jokes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 564

You deserved it 1 517

Sniffer dog

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 18:00

Today, after a guy I really liked and we decided to have sex, and he gagged and told me I stank when he got 'down there', I broke up with him, badly, but it's now a week later and I’m in hospital with a severe infection down there. He was right, and now he won’t take me back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 325

You deserved it 2 063

Unusual diagnosis method

By Anonymous - 08/08/2022 16:00

Today, after my brother punched me in the balls a few weeks ago, and while I was clutching myself in pain I actually felt a hard lump on the right testicle, I got the results: it’s cancer but survivable if they remove the testicle. I had to thank my brother for saving me by punching me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 189

You deserved it 129

You're grounded!

By Break A Leg - 08/08/2022 14:00

Today, I accidentally slammed my leg against the coffee table. It was only after I went to the bathroom a few minutes later that I realized there's now a massive gash on my upper leg. I also got in trouble for yelling, "SON OF A BITCH!" as soon as the impact occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 762

You deserved it 138

Self confidence

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my parents and I were looking through old photos. My dad comments, "Wow you were chubby back then. But that's ok, it was baby fat." Then he turns to me and asks, "What's your excuse now?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 109

You deserved it 11 581

Repetition

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 10:00 - Australia

Today, after extensive tests, I found out I'm neurologically incapable of forming habits. If I stop doing something for any reason, I have to find a new way, or never do it again. This includes work, hobbies, study, and even basic hygiene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 919

You deserved it 180

Extreme measures

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 06:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, after my landlord has refused to fix the bathroom plumbing problem in my apartment for several days, I had to buy cat litter for myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 120

Self medicated

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 06:00

Today, my husband is a chef and now he has Covid, he's so desperate not to lose his senses of taste or smell that he’s started gargling vodka to kill the virus in his throat faster. He’s even started squirting it up his nose, then crying because of the pain. I give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 007

You deserved it 146

Just you wait!

By Anonymous - 07/08/2022 00:00

Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 120

You deserved it 244

Capitalists gonna capital

By sick-and-tired - 06/08/2022 15:00 - United States - Lincoln

Today, I’m fighting a Lyme disease infection. A tick bit me while I was sleeping in bed, gifting me it. I lost 15 lbs in 6 days, and can't work while treating it. I asked for pest control. My slumlord dad owns the place, refuses to fix it up, and told me no. I have no money and now my wife is sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 111

CPTSD

By Made to be miserable - 06/08/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, I realized my parents are pretty much single-handedly responsible for all of the mental illnesses and personality disorders I have now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 773

You deserved it 266

Sax appeal

By blackcarnation - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - South Windsor

Today, my brother got a new saxophone. He thought a good way to break it in was to play it in my ear. Loudly. While I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 380

You deserved it 3 833

Noise annoys

By Headed Out - 05/08/2022 21:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I wore out yet another set of headphones. This is the third one in a year. I need my headphones whenever I go outside because I have sensory processing disorder, and a multitude of hearing disorders that painfully enhance my hearing. Guess I'm stuck at home until I can buy pair number four. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 225

Friday Friday! TFIF!

By Anonymous - 05/08/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, it's the end of a truly great week. First I got my period, then my boyfriend broke up with me, then I woke up and found a ton of spider bites on me, I got allergies, I almost threw up when I was driving home with my dad, my acne is getting really bad, and I have no money. Amazing week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 024

You deserved it 159

Are you calling me fat?

By hannah - 05/08/2022 12:00

Today, I was talking on the internet about my goal to get back up to a healthy weight. Their responses consisted of, “Uh, don’t you mean DOWN?” No, I meant up. I had a stomach condition for months that made me puke if I so much as thought about food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 136

Decisions, decisions

By Aboulomania - 05/08/2022 06:00

Today, I learned that there is an actual medical term for having trouble making decisions of any kind. I'm not sure if I should feel understood because I know it's an actual disorder, or be angry that people still believe it's fake when I show it to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 215

Ay yo

By ay. - 04/08/2022 16:00

Today, I realized my lack of spatial awareness has hit a new low when it took me 15 tries to type the word “At” instead of “Ay.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 602

You deserved it 215

Body positive

By jade - 03/08/2022 06:00

Today, I was told I looked “too timid.” I was feeling extremely confident having aced a test, but I didn’t look like it. I’ve practiced carrying myself more confidently for hours every single day in front of a mirror, to no avail. I guess body language just isn’t my thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 793

You deserved it 150

Slippery

By Anonymous - 03/08/2022 04:00

Today, my husband is so desperate to not spend time with my parents that on my dad's birthday he claimed he forgot and booked a trip to the dentist, and now for their anniversary he's pulled the same trick again and booked this year's prostate exam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 943

You deserved it 266

NOT NOW!

By LamingtonSalad - 02/08/2022 18:00

Today, after I went in for surgery, I came out of extremely anemic from blood loss. As soon as I got home, I started my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 976

You deserved it 116

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The Top

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 15

Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 970

You deserved it 34 681

The Top

Today, my dad lied and said he was busy working, all because he didn't want to see me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 417

You deserved it 144

Today, I walked in on my porn addicted roommate watching a gynecology exam online. He asked me to watch it with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 594

You deserved it 4 264

Today, the woman I have been seeing said she couldn't see a future with me. This was all because I didn't text her back when I fell asleep after working a double night/morning shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 507

You deserved it 1 228

Today, I found out that if you cry yourself sleep and forget to take off your mascara, your top and bottom lashes will stick together. Leaving you unable to open your eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 564

You deserved it 13 911

Today, my husband came home with tears in his eyes. I ran and asked him why he was crying. He said he wasn't, but he finally admitting to talking to a woman in a bar who, when she noticed his wedding ring, sprayed him with mace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 323

You deserved it 258

Today, I got my wisdom teeth out. Due to the drugs they gave me I felt nauseous. When I went to the bathroom as a precaution I did not throw up. Instead I passed out face first in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 158

You deserved it 3 161