Intimacy: Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance...

By polebitch49 - 14/03/2014 20:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 075

You deserved it 7 473

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Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 060

You deserved it 14 186

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 530

You deserved it 2 831

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 620

You deserved it 2 941

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 162

You deserved it 530

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 456

You deserved it 4 996

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 728

You deserved it 707

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 733

You deserved it 10 935

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 796

You deserved it 2 358

Love is in the air

By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 965

You deserved it 197

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 669

You deserved it 2 146

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

Comments

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

HersheySquirts 17

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:25

I would say that this situation would be the opposite of of the "axe effect."

ebonyrose2828 16

Saturday 15 March 2014 11:53

I'm lucky. I can't smell most things. So I could never smell my ex's. Did make me run to the shower every time I heard him though *shudder*

Mr_Armageddon 5

Saturday 15 March 2014 13:50

38- I believe it's called the "ass effect"

jazzy_123 20

Saturday 15 March 2014 18:18

girl, those brows......

b00kn3rd 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 19:41

Girl...that cattiness....

the_real_dvd 21

Sunday 16 March 2014 0:05

This is one of the rare instances when a girl doesn't look ignorant for claiming she smelled a guys colon.

cactusprick 19

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

aw darn he blew it for you OP ;) sorry about that :(

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

pizzzah 9

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:22

i guess you can say he blew you away ;)

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:24

Mmmmmm beans...

noobienick 19

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:24

Note to self: don't eat burrito before giving a lap dance

aubama_fml 15

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:25

The "Magic Mike" effect blown away by a fart

Just2cute2 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:29

Would be even funnier if your friends payed him to do that.

Philerup31 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:30

Happy Birthday

Ma_Nikka 24

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:30

Did you spank him for doing that?

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Today, I went a girl's home for our second date. As she opened the door, she was leaving with another guy. I said, "I thought we had a date this evening?" Her response was, “Tah tah!” as she walked out the door while hanging on to his arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 567

You deserved it 90

Today, it was my two year anniversary with my boyfriend. As we were about to exchange gifts, he got a call and said he had to go home immediately. What was the emergency? His guild leader couldn't find another healer to finish a raid and promised my boyfriend gear if he would step up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 166

You deserved it 4 703

The Top

Today, while I was volunteering at the homeless shelter, one of them "accidentally" kissed me. It felt like my face was being sucked by a vacuum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 802

You deserved it 2 178

Today, I ran into my ex at the supermarket. Trying to seem nonchalant, I attempted to make small talk while pushing my cart. I didn't notice that I was steering straight into a tower of canned goods until it was too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 133

You deserved it 466

Today, I was lying on my recliner watching TV when I dropped the remote under the footrest. I got down on my hands and knees and pushed the footrest into the chair. The moment I touched the remote, the footrest deployed and hit me square in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 977

You deserved it 6 228

Today, after we got married five months ago, my wife and I planned a trip to France and Spain as a honeymoon. We’re supposed to be leaving on Saturday. She just told me last night, “I am so not looking forward to the trip.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 941

You deserved it 127

Today, after a long day of cleaning, I decided to make a grilled cheese sandwich for lunch. Reaching for what I thought was Pam I coated my bread with spray and put my sandwich in the pan. Pledge makes a great looking sandwich, but the lemony flavor tastes like crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 645

You deserved it 30 350

Today, my mom asked me to take a picture of her and a friend before they went out to dinner. I was getting ready to take the picture when I noticed the box showing the most recent picture. It was a nude. Of my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 713

You deserved it 163

Same thing different taste

Gross, dude

A load of hot air

Sounds like quite the catch

Love is in the air

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