Intimacy: Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance...

By polebitch49 - 14/03/2014 20:45 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my friends hired a male stripper to give me a lap dance for my birthday. It was all pretty nice until he let rip one of the most nauseating farts I've ever encountered, right in my face. Hours later, I can still smell it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 070

You deserved it 7 472

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By anonymous - 14/03/2012 05:18 - Canada

Today, I was sitting on the couch with my fiancé, when he jumped up and viciously sat on my face. I then heard, smelled, and tasted the most violent, horrific fart known to man. I still can't get the taste out of my mouth, and he can't stop laughing. I'm getting married to this guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 059

You deserved it 14 185

By Anonymous - 19/11/2017 06:00

Today, in the middle of sex, I was desperate for a fart but tried to hold it in so we weren't forced to stop halfway. Unfortunately, I accidentally let the fart escape, along with runny diarrhea all over my husbands legs and groin. The smell caused him to vomit all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 525

You deserved it 2 829

By Anonymous - 27/10/2009 10:28 - United Kingdom

Today, in the gym, as I bent over to pick up my weights an old man farted right in my face. The stench was appalling. To make matters worse, a girl I've fancied for ages thought it was me and reported it to the instructor. I was told to leave for 'anti-social behavior'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 618

You deserved it 2 939

Gross, dude

By Anonymous - 06/11/2018 03:00

Today, I took my date home for sex after quite a long dry spell. As he took off his shoes, I was hit right in the nose by the most disgusting foot odour I've ever encountered. It was so bad I forgot all about sex and threw him out. That was 3 hours ago and I can still smell it on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 159

You deserved it 529

By stink - 01/07/2015 02:40 - Australia - Sydney

Today, after working alone in a room all day, I let a fart sneak out. Just then, my drop dead gorgeous boss and two new girls walked in. I could literally see them hit the stench and cringe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 454

You deserved it 4 993

A load of hot air

By SkipBeatOtaku - 16/05/2020 20:00

Today, I was having hot sex with my boyfriend. Then, I felt a puff of air hit my face and a rancid smell. My dog had farted in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 705

By Anonymous - 01/03/2010 22:04 - United States

Today, a really hot guy smacked my ass. I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 732

You deserved it 10 934

Sounds like quite the catch

By Brooke - 14/08/2015 16:50 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a cute guy approached me at a nightclub. I was really excited, until he drunkenly slurred, "Babe, I'd suck the farts from your asshole!" and then threw up everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 794

You deserved it 2 358

Love is in the air

By Rydia - 31/10/2020 05:01

Today, my fiancé hugged me so tight that I couldn't move, said he loved me, let out a loud, obnoxious and smelly fart cloud and made me breathe it in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 14/12/2018 14:00

Today, after weeks of no sex, my boyfriend finally decided to have sex with me. While we were getting into it I accidentally farted in his face while his mouth was open. No more sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 668

You deserved it 2 145

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

Comments

Syncronisis 11

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

Everyone likes guys that smell nice.

HersheySquirts 17

Saturday 15 March 2014 7:25

I would say that this situation would be the opposite of of the "axe effect."

ebonyrose2828 16

Saturday 15 March 2014 11:53

I'm lucky. I can't smell most things. So I could never smell my ex's. Did make me run to the shower every time I heard him though *shudder*

Mr_Armageddon 5

Saturday 15 March 2014 13:50

38- I believe it's called the "ass effect"

jazzy_123 20

Saturday 15 March 2014 18:18

girl, those brows......

b00kn3rd 14

Saturday 15 March 2014 19:41

Girl...that cattiness....

the_real_dvd 21

Sunday 16 March 2014 0:05

This is one of the rare instances when a girl doesn't look ignorant for claiming she smelled a guys colon.

cactusprick 19

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:18

aw darn he blew it for you OP ;) sorry about that :(

Articulation 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:21

Not exactly what you'd call a *******.

pizzzah 9

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:22

i guess you can say he blew you away ;)

joeyl2008 29

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:24

Mmmmmm beans...

noobienick 19

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:24

Note to self: don't eat burrito before giving a lap dance

aubama_fml 15

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:25

The "Magic Mike" effect blown away by a fart

Just2cute2 7

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:29

Would be even funnier if your friends payed him to do that.

Philerup31 12

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:30

Happy Birthday

Ma_Nikka 24

Saturday 15 March 2014 5:30

Did you spank him for doing that?

Keywords

Transportation Poopoo peepee Cars Awkward Dentist Health Shopping My ex Love Cats Animals Work Job interview Clothes Miscellaneous Weird Vacation Holidays Family AITA Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Funerals Relatable Harassment Engagement Food Ironic Technology

The Top

Okaeri! I hope you had a great week out in the cold (most of our southern hemisphere friends don't know what they're missing). Personally, since I discovered this website I couldn't have been better. This week we're welcoming an atypical artist sinc...

I agree, your life sucks 9

You deserved it 11

Nooooo, I'm not interviewing Candy Staton, and nooooo I'm not going to talk about the Avengers but guys this isn't 9gag so let me introduce you to the fresh new artist we're welcoming today! She's a lovely lady who lives in Vancouver and she's the au...

I agree, your life sucks 15

You deserved it 15

The Top

Today, I was told I'm lazy by my boyfriend because I skipped work. He skips his all the time and when I get home still have to cook and clean up after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 933

You deserved it 300

Today, after feeling like I've been sucking as a friend and contacting a friend who has called me their best friend, but doesn't talk to me much, we grabbed a coffee. The whole time I was trying to have a conversation, she was on her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 571

You deserved it 194

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called it down. It came running down the stairs. With a used condom in its mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. It put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 462

You deserved it 8 792

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 623

You deserved it 2 659

Today, I was at work, and some people came in looking for a particular couch. After looking for over an hour on the wholesalers website my boss walks over, makes me take my lunch break and then calls over the couple and takes all the credit for the sale. We work on commission. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 701

You deserved it 3 137

Today, it was my birthday. My parents came into my room at 12:01 to surprise me. Do you know what fifteen year-olds do at midnight? FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 344

You deserved it 25 417

Same thing different taste

Gross, dude

A load of hot air

Sounds like quite the catch

Love is in the air

Top comments

Comments