intimacy

Precaution

By Tai - 31/10/2010 13:30 - Australia

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend when I came. She got pissed and slapped me really hard for coming inside her because she didn't want to get pregnant. 1. I was wearing a condom. 2. She's on the pill. 3. We were having anal sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 591

You deserved it 9 946

By tht1chk - 31/10/2010 00:37 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex for the first time. While we were undressing each other, he said, "Wow, if we have children, you're gonna have to shave, or they'll die from rug-burn as they come out!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 672

You deserved it 30 719

By Shelly - 30/10/2010 18:09 - United States

Today, the only one that became aroused while looking at me in my sexy Halloween costume was my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 168

You deserved it 12 585

By miss cranky pants - 30/10/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, my gynecologist was having trouble with my exam due to me being "too tight." I'm 24. After the explanation of having been pretty inactive in over a year, she exclaimed, "Damn, girl, we really need to find you a boyfriend!" Yeah, tell me about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 478

You deserved it 4 737

Reasonable

By Anonymous - 30/10/2010 01:21 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend lost her virginity to my father. Her excuse? She was drunk. His excuse? "She's hot." FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 150

You deserved it 4 401

By Username - 29/10/2010 23:15 - France

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 688

You deserved it 5 900

By ohmylordy - 29/10/2010 05:48 - United States

Today, while talking with my girlfriend about dating, I learned that she has had more girlfriends than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 361

You deserved it 6 664

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 437

You deserved it 7 540

By djoe - 28/10/2010 12:00 - Australia

Today, I was patting my kitten who was asleep underneath the blanket on my lap. My roommate walked in and gave me disgusted look. She thought I was playing with myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 900

You deserved it 6 323

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 525

You deserved it 15 576

By Anonymous - 28/10/2010 03:27 - United States

Today, I woke up cold. The guy I had sex with last night stole my blanket. He also took everything out of my freezer, and all of my soap, shampoo, and conditioner. The number he left me was for a pizza place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 374

You deserved it 35 067

By thjeltz - 27/10/2010 18:48 - Canada

Today, I was showering at hockey practice. It would have been business as usual, if not for one of my teammates playing with his junk and not-so-subtly asked me to connect. There are 5 more months of hockey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 970

You deserved it 3 069

By nothingdoes - 27/10/2010 17:59 - United States

Today, my dad asked me for a word that rhymed with vagina. He was filling out an anniversary card for my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 957

You deserved it 3 013

By Anonymous - 27/10/2010 07:37 - United States

Today, I decided to let in my new German Shepherd puppy inside to show the guest how adorable he is. In the middle of our conversation, he came running up to us with my vibrator in his mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 554

You deserved it 15 035

Anticlimax

By Deidle-dee - 26/10/2010 16:37 - United States

Today, I had a date with a guy I've had a crush on for 6 years. Things got heated when we got back to his place, but he had trouble getting the condom on. As soon he got it on, he came. I told him it was ok, I'd help him get hard again. He said, "No thanks. I'm good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 002

You deserved it 4 704

By anonymous - 25/10/2010 21:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend suggested we imagine each other as someone else when we had sex. I imagined he was Tom Cruise. He imagined I was my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 929

You deserved it 8 859

Technique

By shiznit - 25/10/2010 19:05 - United States

Today, I found out that the only way to get my boyfriend to last more than one minute in the sack is to let him watch cartoons while we do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 676

You deserved it 4 302

By kimbo - 25/10/2010 08:28 - United Kingdom

Today, I woke up and had a flick through my camera photos. To my disgust my mother had taken pictures of herself, drunk out of her mind, naked with goggles on in our hot tub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 497

You deserved it 2 883

By anon - 25/10/2010 05:42 - United States

Today, I found out my boyfriend watches porn. Specifically, today, while I was in the shower. In the next room. We were alone in the house and he still chose porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 730

You deserved it 7 177

By Anonymous - 25/10/2010 00:36 - Australia

Today, I found out my girlfriend only gets aroused after watching Jersey Shore and will only have sex immediately after an episode. I think the worst part is, I'll take what I can get. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 185

You deserved it 6 063

All sexed up

By Anonymous - 24/10/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, I found dried cum in my hair - after being at work for two hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 282

You deserved it 48 329

Lock it up

By stickyface - 24/10/2010 05:18 - Canada

Today, I decided to be adventurous and give my boyfriend head in the downstairs TV room. Just as he was about to come, I heard someone walking towards the door. I took my mouth off to get up and lock the door right as he came. I didn't make it to the door but my dad saw something he will never forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 059

You deserved it 41 817

Flash!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 17:33 - United States

Today, I flashed my boobs at my boyfriend's boss. My boyfriend was wearing tan pants and a black sweater. His boss was wearing black pants and a tan sweater. From 100 feet away they looked the same… until my boyfriend came up behind me, wanting to know what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 908

You deserved it 48 536

Meow meow

By failed_catgirl - 19/10/2010 23:24 - Canada

Today, for my boyfriend's 19th birthday, I decided to dress up as a sexy cat girl for him, complete with ears, tail, matching sexy underwear, collar and leash. He wouldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 490

You deserved it 38 932

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 19:18 - United States

Today, my wife started checking her email on her Blackberry while we were having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 051

You deserved it 10 589

By Anonymous - 19/10/2010 06:17 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy i've liked for a really long time, because of how nice and sentimental he is. We were sending each other things like "You make me smile" and "You're so damn cute" when finally he said "Let's just stop texting and hook up already." So much for sentimental. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 460

You deserved it 42 953

Surprise indeed

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 14:24 - Netherlands

Today, I decided to surprise my boyfriend because he's been working extra hard these last two months. I went to his house only to find him in bed with another girl. Standing there, with fifteen roses in my hands, all he could say was, "Thank you, can you put them in a vase?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 273

You deserved it 3 731

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 08:00 - Australia

Today, after much thought and serious consideration, I nervously admitted to my boyfriend that I'm bisexual. The first thing that he said in response was: "Want a threesome?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 571

You deserved it 40 968

Good

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 06:36 - United States

Today, I told my dad that I had a herpes infection. He said, "Good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 440

You deserved it 38 255

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 04:10 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 232

You deserved it 39 342

Keywords

Embarrassing Work Awkward Money Insects Intimacy Sex Animals Cats Health Kids Neighbours Love Dating First Dates Students Alcohol Parents Miscellaneous Fight Am I overreacting? Shopping Parenting AITA Poopoo peepee Weird Cheating Drugs I need your advice Relatable

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 330

You deserved it 4 035

Today, I decided it was time to lose my virginity to my boyfriend. After about ten minutes he started going faster and his stomach was slapping against mine. It was making a weird sound so I started laughing. Apparently that wasn't sexy and he went soft. My first time and we didn't even finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 351

You deserved it 38 334

The Top

Today, my boyfriend told me he likes having sex during my period because it makes him feel like he stabbed a small animal to death. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 582

You deserved it 4 785

Today, the highlight of my day was that the gas station I work at finally got a new mop head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 957

You deserved it 4 084

Today, I found out the guy I've been crushing on for many years thinks he's a werewolf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 927

You deserved it 4 865

Today, I was in the bathroom at the mall and the toilet paper had ran out. I had to use the socks I'd just bought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 810

You deserved it 224

Today, a cop pulled me over and started bitching me out. He was certain I'd been drinking, because, "Nobody goes to Albertacos this late at night unless they're drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 757

You deserved it 3 289

Today, I had threesome with my wife and her best friend. Now my wife is mad at me for sleeping with her best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 357

You deserved it 1 239