Drunk, Cheating and Love: Not guilty

Not guilty

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Birmingham

Today, my husband came home, drunk and with lipstick smeared on his face. When I confronted him about it, he just slurred, "Ah don't worry babe, it ain't mine." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 977

You deserved it 3 072

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Top comments

ligerzero459 24

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:08

It's not yours, and hopefully there won't be anymore from you ever again.

RobinGoodfellow 47

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:13

Well he's not wrong.... Sorry, OP. Sit him down for a highly uncomfortable chat when he's sober. Don't hold back.

Comments

amandathecreator 22

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:08

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

Dabombr 11

Monday 26 January 2015 5:53

Why so many downvotes? Didn't he essentially say what everyone on FML wants to hear?

honeymoonroyale 20

Tuesday 27 January 2015 17:14

It's FML. Anything can be down voted lol.

Zoldyck 17

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:08

Can't tell if you should've felt relieved if it were his to begin with...

Zoldyck 17

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:17

My bad, I read the FML wrong. I thought the lipstick was on his mouth, I'm sorry.

ligerzero459 24

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:08

It's not yours, and hopefully there won't be anymore from you ever again.

604 11

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:09

Honesty is the best policy.

kred 21

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:11

What a douche canoe.

kirbs19 37

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:50

My new favorite term

xninix_fml 36

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:50

Yep he's definitely a douche canoe :( sorry op

nhaba1214 19

Sunday 25 January 2015 17:33

Haha I've never heard that before. True though.

Ashwathi 21

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:11

That's when you know you need to change your priorities from him to something else.

Zoldyck 17

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:15

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

tranced_ 45

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:12

second chance or nah?

XxXBadAshXxX 27

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:44

Imma go with nah.

tucansamTommyG 12

Sunday 25 January 2015 10:09

Imma go with HELL NAH!!

MiLM 37

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:13

Well I sure hope it ain't his xD

RobinGoodfellow 47

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:13

Well he's not wrong.... Sorry, OP. Sit him down for a highly uncomfortable chat when he's sober. Don't hold back.

AlwaysWatching 27

Sunday 25 January 2015 18:11

Your bio is nice for this FML

ParisSosa 11

Sunday 25 January 2015 8:15

Well then

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I woke up at the ungodly hour of 4AM to my cat clawing at my door and yelling at me. Normally I'd just wait until he stopped, but he was persistent, so I got up and opened the door to see what he wanted. He then corralled me to the laundry room. My dryer was on fire. Good boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 714

You deserved it 139

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to mix it up and find a good place outdoors to have fun. After an hour of climbing up a rocky mountainside to a completely isolated clearing, out of the way of any hiking path, he was still so paranoid that he finished within 20 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 461

You deserved it 2 166

The Top

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 793

You deserved it 2 398

Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 755

Today, I was walking down the strip with a friend when we saw a homeless man with no arm. I felt bad, so I gave him some cash and I looked into his poor little eyes when he put out his arm for a hug. Without thinking, I hugged him. Right as I was thinking, "WTF am I doing?" he kissed my boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 672

You deserved it 53 191

Today, my parents and I attended the funeral of my husband's mother. It was open-casket, and my parents went to take a look. My mum muttered, "With a dress that tacky, no wonder she died", and my dad chuckled. A fight quickly erupted, and the police were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 920

You deserved it 5 350

Today, I found out I can’t get in-state tuition at my college, all because I’m under 24 and considered a "dependent" student; therefore my parents must prove state residency on my behalf. I lost both my parents to COVID last year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 522

You deserved it 98

Today, I waited on a party of 8. They were a bunch of obnoxious 20-something year-olds. Not only did they cause a commotion, they left the table a mess. I even found an open condom on the table. Gross. And you probably guessed it: they left no tip. Just a note on the tip line: “Lose weight fatass.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 294

You deserved it 114