The Top

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By It's CSI Miami - 24/06/2015 04:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I got into a fight with my mom because she believes that my fiancé is "irresponsible" and "immature". I stormed out and drove back home. There, I walked in on my fiancé and his friends. They were in a heated and almost violent argument over which CSI is the best. The wedding's next month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 685

You deserved it 6 315

By ooblie - 08/12/2010 08:22 - United States

Today, after receiving a lovely massage from my boyfriend, I was lying topless in bed beside him. Just as I was thinking this would be the perfect opportunity for some intimacy, he looks at me and says, "my mom is SO awesome." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 957

You deserved it 4 013

By damniphone - 29/06/2013 05:31 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my friend thought it would be funny to change the language setting on my phone to Mandarin. Unfortunately, neither of us knows Mandarin, and we can't change it back to English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 108

You deserved it 8 714

By Thepunchline - 11/08/2010 09:19 - United Kingdom

Today, it's the third day since my mum quit smoking, and I realised that her health-drive is having a negative effect on my own health when she bitch slapped me down the stairs because she didn't get a joke I told her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 236

You deserved it 4 235

By lalalaisling - 08/05/2013 16:21 - Ireland - Cork

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend of 7 years with another woman. He panicked and blamed it on the "long distance" and how we "never see each other". We've lived in the same neighbourhood since we were 5 years old, and we've lived together for the past four years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 940

You deserved it 5 407

lalalaisling tells us more.

lalalaisling 10

Friday 10 May 2013 17:03

hey, OP here. If only I could blame whiskey! Also I have to admit, the stereotype is somewhat true.

First Dates

By Anonymous - 06/06/2014 22:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've had a crush on for ages. Midway through the meal, he sighed and said, "I'll be honest, this is a horrible date. You got zero personality and I'm too lazy to do a window escape, so..." He then got up and walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 448

You deserved it 10 182

By thisistypical - 14/09/2009 19:28 - United States

Today, I found out that the money my husband said he loaned to his "mother" actually went to the purchase of new lingerie for the woman he's cheating on me with. I just got the bill from the department store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 463

You deserved it 3 075

By ShylaMarie - 14/02/2012 22:29 - Canada

Today, I had to chase my naked brothers around my house for twenty minutes, trying to get them to take a bath, all while they were chasing my best friend around yelling, "IT'S WIENER TIME!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 535

You deserved it 2 931

By Noj12345 - 25/06/2009 08:05 - United States

Today, after finishing work, my friend was having a party next door and my driveway was blocked. I parked 6 houses down and went to the party for 20mins. After coming out after 3 beers, I went to move my car back to my house and go to sleep. I got a DUI for driving 30 feet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 293

You deserved it 57 196

By jazopalchris - 25/11/2013 23:42 - Australia - Mount Gambier

Today, my 7 year old daughter explained to a taxi driver that she was born from my "vagina that doesn't have hair". He winked creepily at me and said, "I bet it doesn't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 027

You deserved it 5 844

By Anonymous - 10/12/2012 22:40 - Sweden - V?ster

Today, I woke up to find my best friend lying down and unresponsive. Frightened, I tapped on the glass. He got scared and started swimming again. My best friend is a fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 591

You deserved it 7 208

By abc - 27/05/2009 10:15 - Pakistan

Today, I took my friends out to an expensive restaurant for my birthday treat. They had arranged for a surprise birthday cake for me which I cut, very happily, while they chanted birthday wishes. When the bill came, I discovered I was supposed to pay for my great 'surprise' cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 422

You deserved it 5 366

By Anonymous - 03/12/2010 14:41 - United States

Today, I got fired from the job I'd had for eleven years for going onto Facebook while on the clock. When I got home, I saw that my boss had updated his status, from work, to "Finally fired that bitch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 033

You deserved it 10 075

By Meagan smith - 24/08/2011 20:33 - United States

Today, I started my new job as a teacher. Worried about how I looked, I asked a coworker if I looked okay. She said, "You look fine. Just like a normal high school kid." I spent the next half hour convincing her that I was not a student, but a teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 239

You deserved it 3 668

Alexa, play "Rockit" by Herbie Hancock

By Anonymous - 19/08/2011 07:13 - United States

Today, I wanted to show my teenage daughter what we did when I was her age. We used to breakdance, so I stuck on a Grandmaster Flash track, and tried some old moves on the living room floor. I spun out of control, smacked my head into a wall and pulled a back muscle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 333

You deserved it 41 201

Not now, Dave

By randomdude3890 - 11/02/2015 04:58 - United States - Bellevue

Today, my caring way too much about proper grammar got out of hand when I corrected my girlfriend during a talk about her dying grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 340

You deserved it 38 137

By paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 338

You deserved it 9 836

By drug testing - 09/05/2013 22:22 - United States - Little Chute

Today, while answering an "anonymous" survey about how to keep my school drug free, I told them they should stop drug testing the kids that they know don't do drugs and test the sketchier ones. They in turn drug tested me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 141

You deserved it 15 325

By Jenievonteese - 12/06/2011 23:33 - United States

Today, I was having a nice dream in which a beautiful butterfly flew by me and got stuck in my hair, fluttering its wings against my neck. Then I woke up and realized the "butterfly" stuck in my hair was actually a giant wood roach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 792

You deserved it 3 252

Hustlin' 24/7

By Catherine - 23/05/2011 19:33 - United States

Today, I had to go to the emergency room with vision problems. The nurse was helping my mom fill out the paperwork. When asked for her employer, my mom started trying to sell the nurse Aflac, and got into a serious 10 minute conversation about it, all while I'm going blind in my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 506

You deserved it 3 215

Oh, so cute

By Anonymous - 10/04/2013 04:28 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the store to buy oranges and pick up a pack of condoms. When we were at the checkout counter, my boyfriend happily told the cashier, "The only way we can have sex is if we squeeze oranges all over our bodies." FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 968

You deserved it 13 222

By wtfuraretard - 19/02/2010 20:18 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called me over, all just to unclog his toilet. It was clogged because he put my phone in it while he was taking a dump to see if it would actually flush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 020

You deserved it 5 209

By Anonymous - 09/07/2009 17:50 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend of 5 years admitted why his pet name for me is "his beautiful swan". Apparently, the first few years we were dating, he and his friends secretly referred to me as "the ugly duckling" because my sister was so much hotter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 507

You deserved it 3 598

By Anonymous - 06/12/2011 02:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I noticed that my facial hair had grown by an acceptable amount. I spoke to my Dad and decided to show him, thinking he would approve of my manliness. His exact words when I showed him were, "Nah, son. You just look like a lesbian." FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 809

You deserved it 5 713

By mom - 06/12/2012 19:23 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, I was visiting my daughter, whose husband was still asleep at noon. I made a point of stomping around on the hardwood floor and speaking loudly to wake his lazy ass up. Turns out he's now working a 14-hour graveyard shift, and it has no negative effect on his shoe-throwing skills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 772

You deserved it 85 874

By Anonymous - 26/11/2011 08:16 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me because her father, who abandoned her before she was born and just reentered her life, doesn't approve. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 542

You deserved it 2 438

By captfml - 15/12/2010 22:32 - United States

Today, I was in the bathroom in a rush to get ready. Without thinking, I put hand soap on my toothbrush. I didn't notice until it was already in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 311

You deserved it 27 715

By leilei - 30/11/2010 00:25 - Philippines

Today, I refused to ride with a friend on a motorcycle because it is unsafe and went to take the bus. As I got off the bus, I got hit by a speeding motorcycle and ended up in hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 5 757

By Nickolas Neffster - 05/10/2011 00:14 - United States

Today, I bought my girlfriend a very expensive necklace. I gave it to her thinking she'd be extremely happy. Instead she was mad at me because my gift for our anniversary was better than hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 135

You deserved it 3 109

The betrayal

By Anonymous - 01/08/2013 16:33 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I found out via Instagram that my boyfriend didn't actually go to the Bahamas with his dad as he claimed. Not unless his dad lost weight, grew tits and long hair, and likes to make out with his son. They have no cellphone service, so I can't even call to break up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 349

You deserved it 3 963

Keywords

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The Top

Today, the office I work at put up a "No Masturbating at Desks" sign. I'm disappointed by this, not because I usually whack off at my desk, but because enough people do that there needs to be a sign against it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 4 295

Today, my mom and I went to visit my Dad to wish him happy birthday. I was at a red light, waiting to make a left-hand turn into the only driveway, and once the light turned green, I was unable to go, because another car was coming out. Cars behind me were beeping. I was turning into the cemetery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 832

You deserved it 101

The Top

Today, I took my AP US History exam. For some reason, my school let the school nurse proctor the exam. She read the instructions for the wrong test and told us to seal up our tests, despite having another section left in that book. She wouldn't listen to us when we tried to tell her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 803

You deserved it 852

Today, I bought a brand new huge leather recliner. After laying down and watching football for some time, I sit up and hear a loud shatter. My iPhone was crushed by the mechanics of the chair after it slipped out of my pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 958

You deserved it 8 497

Today, I skipped school and stayed home without telling my parents. My mom came home on her lunch break with another man, and had sex in our living room. I'm stuck in my room, listening to my mom cheat on my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 124 647

You deserved it 17 938

Today, I found out that my ex tries to ruin my dates, and constantly asks our friend about me and why I don’t talk to her. She broke up with me over text because of the distance between us, after ghosting me for two weeks. We both knew that it would be a long-distance relationship due to her going to uni. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 102

Today, my son, who I admit has a temper, met his cousins from France for the first time. Straight away he lost his temper, but before I could step in, his younger cousin knocked him out cold with a right hook, looked me dead in the eye and said, “That’s how you get a bitch under control.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 247

You deserved it 1 676

Today, the officers of my archery club forgot to check if anybody was behind the targets looking for arrows. I got hit in the leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 654

You deserved it 2 009