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Dick inspector

By Anonymous - 15/07/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm a significant grower not a shower, so when not erect to 7 inches my penis really does resemble a cocktail sausage. So far my girlfriend hadn’t seen it soft but today she whipped my boxers down while I was asleep. The phrase, "Oh my god! What happened to it?" is now forever etched in my brain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 117

Leaked

By Nick - 18/04/2024 00:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I found out that my toilet leaked into the apartment's ceiling downstairs and it's going to cost over $2000 to fix the ceiling and the clear all of the mould out. I have two different types of insurance and neither of them are likely to cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 80

Fill those slots!

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 02:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my girlfriend pawned in her mother's engagement ring so she could gamble at the pokies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 111

Alone time

By Anonymous - 27/02/2024 14:00 - United States - Buford

Today, I finally got some alone time today with the boyfriend (we have kids, so this is rare) and we were going heavily at it when his mother decided to drop in and wouldn’t stop knocking on the front door. Worst timing ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 464

You deserved it 128

Pants!

By Anonymous - 08/06/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, I bought some cheap panties from a local store. They were great, so I ordered two dozen more, from the store’s website. Turns out the size L from the internet is just about the same as the size S from the local store. They told me that I couldn't expect different colors to be the same size. Go figure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 93

You'll miss me when I'm gone

By Anonymous - 04/09/2024 20:00 - Germany - Borken

Today, I tried to have sex with my boyfriend. I did my best to get him hard, and as always, I succeeded, but he still didn’t bother to look up from his phone. Unfortunately this happens almost every time I try to have sex with him. I guess TikTok is more important. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 152

Mix up

By Anonymous - 26/06/2024 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, a VIP visited our building. I was put in charge of his hospitality and was very nervous. At one point, he asked me if he could, “Ahem… wash my hands.” Without thinking, I took him to our kitchen so he could use the sink. Turns out he needed a pee. He looked at me like I was an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 206

Boiling point

By Anonymous - 25/03/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I had to stay up until 5 AM running complex queries, one at a time, for a comprehensive report requested by our head of accounting. Instead of a "Thank you!", I got a message from my supervisor telling me to re-run them all, as he had messed up a single calculation. Coffee jitters aren't why I'm shaking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 100

Life is life

By Anonymous - 01/07/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I spent a good hour playing a life simulation game so my character could go through the stages of pregnancy and labor, only to jealously cry for an hour because my character can successfully get pregnant and have a baby, and I can't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 234

Big man

By Giant - 29/03/2024 08:00 - United States

Today, while doing chemistry, I was repeatedly reprimanded by the teacher for holding the test tubes higher than my partner's head. I'm 6'2, and the person I was assigned to work with is about 5'1. You can't switch partners unless your partner is absent or gets pulled from the lab for being a dangerous idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 463

You deserved it 144

Missed the boat

By dyl - 09/01/2024 06:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, things I was bullied for such as having online friends, playing Roblox, Steam, and other video games, are now seen as cool. I wished I could have a social life as a teenager and turned to online gaming because nobody wanted to invite me out with them. Apparently, teens socialize over that now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 142

Wasted youth

By rob - 13/12/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, I’m 25 years-old. I was unattractive in high school and college. In the last two years I’ve glown up. Also, rent, gas, and food have all gone up in price. I can’t afford dates and I've had to work weekend nights at every job since I was 18. I hate these “rich kids” my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 194

Bye bye doggie

By Anonymous - 14/03/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, our chocolate Labrador ran away. My dad adopted it because he really wanted a hunting dog, promising he'd be in charge of its training and feeding. I ended up getting saddled with that instead. The dog was so hyper it was untrainable, and dad blamed me when it burst out of its kennel and bolted into the night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 123

Database corrupted

By Anonymous - 16/12/2023 21:00 - Australia - Wacol

Today, after almost two months, I almost finished sorting through my boyfriend's Magic: The Gathering cards. He has been collecting them for 10 years and never bothered to keep them organised. The box of Mythic Rare cards that I was saving till last is missing. I remember exactly where it was, and no one has seen it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 168

Discipline

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, our Scout troop was scheduled to do the Cycling Merit Badge. Midway through, it began to rain so hard that I couldn't see the road, and ended up in a ditch. Rather than make sure I was okay, as I was covered in mud and blood, my dad the Scoutmaster decided to scream at me for holding everyone else up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 92

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my daughter that the gold wedding ring her fiancé gave her as proof he was serious about the wedding is actually just a brass compression ring, worth less than a quid. She refuses to believe me, because I’ve never liked him. I’m a plumber; I know a brass ring when I see one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 73

Short king

By 26 year old - 30/11/2023 16:00

Today, I'm at the age where I'm supposed to be having the time of my life. I'm short and look so young that I get asked if I'm still in high school. Every girl I've ever known looks at me like a "little brother". The only girls who have shown interest are still too young to vote. I'm missing out on my 20s. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 152

Where do we go now?

By Anonymous - 10/02/2024 03:00

Today, while vacationing in Mexico, the Airbnb we were supposed to check into today for 3 weeks just called to say that due to a broken water pipe, they're unable to host us. We're supposed to check out of our current stay in an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 111

Creepy

By Anonymous - 29/03/2024 19:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, at a Dollar Store today with my roommate (I'm 31, my roommate is 32) where some guy stalked us all through the store, and even waited outside the store for us. I had to resort to pretending the Uber driver was my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 95

Miss you

By RIP - 20/01/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I went on Roblox and logged onto Work At A Pizza Place for the first time in almost a year. I ended up spending a decent amount of time crying because I forgot my pet in the game is modeled after my cat, who died four months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 174

Non-starter pack

By Anonymous - 05/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Huxley

Today, I'm in love with my best friend. We are intimate but live 24 hours away from one another. We had been discussing him moving closer to me, which was a recent turn of events and I was elated. We could finally be together… until some unexpected tragic news uncovered a kid he wasn't aware of. Now he's a single dad and staying put. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 122

Medicare for all, please?

By GladIAmMovingAbroad - 20/10/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I went to urgent care for cloudy vision and eye pain to rule out an infection. They freaked out and pressured me into going to the ER, implying I could lose my vision. Several hours and thousands of dollars later, I just have dry eyes. I hate our healthcare system. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 93

Stasis

By LonelyGrl98 - 15/04/2024 11:00 - United States - Yuba City

Today, I realized how fucked I am (not). I'm a 26 year-old virgin waiting for love. No guy my age wants someone inexperienced. The older I get, the more ridiculous I feel. I masturbate way more often than I should and it's like my body is screaming for intimacy. I don't know WTF to do. Maybe I'll be the next 40 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 202

Where are you?

By Anonymous - 14/04/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, it's been three weeks since my parents went on holiday and not only have they not called me, they don’t answer when I call them… until today, when my mom finally called me, whilst I was having sex. She then sent me a text outlining how rude it was I ignored her call and grounded me. I’m 24 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 127

Love Island is back, baby

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I introduced the girl I was talking to my best friend, and we all hung out. Until this day, her and I were doing great. After my friend left, she started gushing about how hot he is. He wasn't hitting on her at all. I reminded her that, and that he has a girlfriend. She was calm, but visibly upset. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 95

The whole tooth and nothing but the tooth

By Anonymous - 01/04/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I had my wisdom teeth pulled. The local anesthesia worked on three of the four teeth. I found out about the last tooth when the dentist was mid-yank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 51

Drill sergeant

By Anonymous - 10/07/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, my wife said I shouldn't wash or iron the clothes, or do the dusting and vacuuming, because, I "don't do it correctly." Also my wife: "You don't do anything to help around here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 164

How could you?

By Anonymous - 09/11/2024 18:00 - United States - Lafayette

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for "cheating" on him with his best friend. What did I do? I gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek when I finally met him in person, after years of hearing about how great he is and how much we would get along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 164

Cool beans

By Anonymous - 07/04/2024 18:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, my crush has been acting weird around me with his best friend. He's been totally avoiding me. I talked to his best friend and I asked about the vibe change, and if they're mad at me. He acted a little surprised and casually said, "No… I mean I did shit-talk you for like two hours yesterday, but other than that we're chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 118

Gimme a break

By Everything Counts - 23/02/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I walked out on my lunch break to see my steering column destroyed and my back passenger window broken. I'm supposed to be reuniting my foster son with his family tomorrow. Now I need a rental and a shot of something strong to get through this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 460

You deserved it 76

Keywords

My ex Awkward Love AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Sports Proposal Snow Cold weather Annoying Cheating Relatable Work Money DIY Kids Parenting Accident Parents Medication ADHD Weather Miscellaneous Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird

The Top

Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 252

You deserved it 371

USA, USA, USA; well, almost. Today we're not welcoming a French artist, not even an American artist, but an artist from... oh, you'll see! Are you in a hurry or something? Why can't we just sit down, have a nice cup of tea and talk about the future? ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 15

The Top

Today, my colleagues at work sitting next to me are so open during phone calls. They always switch on their phone's speaker to the maximum volume, forcing everybody to hear what they and their counterparties say. Whilst the meeting rooms on our floor are still vacant, they don't even bother to go inside for their phone calls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 461

You deserved it 95

Today, I thought a pipe was going to burst in my shower because it was making such a loud rumbling so I called my boyfriend freaking out telling him I didnt know what to do. After taking a second to look a little harder, I realized it was my vibrating razor against the shower wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 589

You deserved it 27 814

Today, I was looking at my best friend because I zoned out, I then turned around to look at my dog. When I looked back, he was on one knee, saying that, “This is terrible timing but I’ve always loved you, will you marry me?” Two days before my wedding with my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 560

You deserved it 184

Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 713

You deserved it 5 390

Today, my 4-year-old son is distraught. This morning we saw a man, dressed as Santa, passed out drunk on a public bench. My son is now convinced that it was his corpse, and that Santa Claus is dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 430

You deserved it 1 966

Today, while skiing down a steep mountain, a man ran over my skis, causing me to fall and roll down the slope. When I regained my balance, I saw the man had followed me just to say "How graceful" and continue on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 241

You deserved it 2 410