The Top

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You hypocrite

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother lectured me about going to the bar too often. She did this while rolling a joint. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 062

You deserved it 6 554

Pushback

By Snurkles McGree - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my racist grandmother was complaining that the new nurse at her nursing home is a black woman. I casually asked, "Is she cute?" I'm now out of the will. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 947

You deserved it 7 769

The Apprentice

By panther of the desert - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Puerto Rico - Rio Grande

Today, I was to have an important phone interview for a job. I got a call and everything went perfectly, and they said I was hired. Later, I found out that one of my "friends" had gotten one of his buddies to prank call me and make sure the line was engaged when the real interviewer called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 848

You deserved it 2 305

Dick

By missPiggy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, a colleague found out that I struggled with anorexia when young. After ranting about how it's a silly 'Women's disease', he renamed me 'Miss Piggy' and made oinking noises every time I ate something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 771

You deserved it 2 342

Surveillance

By HiddlePuff - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, while teaching my class, I hooked my laptop up to the projector and put on a documentary. I left it playing and went to the toilet. When I came back, the whole class was talking to my mother. She must've Skyped me while I was gone and someone answered the call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 728

You deserved it 8 351

Disbelief

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I went on my first date in months. My mum had invited friends over, and when I told them I was going out on a date, my mum said "No you're not, don't lie. Who would go out with you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 727

You deserved it 3 188

Scared

By dentallycorrect - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while I was casually sitting at a bar, a drunk biker with no teeth leaned over and tried to kiss me. I'm a sailor in the Navy, but I think I screamed like a little girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 685

You deserved it 5 494

You what?

By whattheheck - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I found out that my new girlfriend breastfeeds her dolls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 616

You deserved it 3 566

Thoughts and prayers

By poordog - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my best friend was texting me about her sick dog. She wrote, "Do you think she will get better?", so I wrote, "I hope she does." It wasn't until later that I realized I accidentally wrote, "I hope she dies" instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 565

You deserved it 9 423

Rare and inventive insult

By fuck you - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, I asked the man of my dreams out on a date. His response: "I'd rather eat my own balls." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 513

You deserved it 3 801

Shit!

By SingleSara. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know three hours ago, before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 440

You deserved it 3 533

PMS FML

By sarah - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the store to pick up some tampons. After waiting in line for about 10 minutes, the male cashier looked at me as I was leaving and said, "Have a nice… week!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 424

You deserved it 5 239

Bad breakup idea

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Switzerland - Wildberg

Today, my boyfriend ended our relationship. He called me from his mobile phone, claimed to be a trauma surgeon, and told me with a bad German accent that my "boyfriend" had been in a fatal car crash earlier in the day. What the hell is wrong with this idiot? FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 306

You deserved it 4 451

Back 2 school

By christine brown - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 102

You deserved it 3 805

Oh no…

By momma6126 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale two doors down from me. In her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 100

You deserved it 2 555

Pish yerself

By breyn - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working at my salon, I was cutting an older gentleman's hair. When he got up to leave, everyone noticed he had clearly pissed his pants. I felt bad for him until he laughed and said, "Here's your tip, have fun cleaning that up." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 056

You deserved it 2 534

Naptime

By Celeste - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, I fell asleep in a taxi. So did the taxi driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 994

You deserved it 3 324

Funny how?

By Noname - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom was telling me a funny story about when I was young. I said, "Yeah I was funny, huh?" She replied, "Yep, I had a funny one and a pretty one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 951

You deserved it 2 751

Smothered

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I wrote "I love you" on my girlfriend's Facebook wall. She completely freaked out and accused me of being "too clingy" and that I'm starting to feel more like a stalker than a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 885

You deserved it 8 115

There's no justice

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my car got keyed because I was parked in a handicapped parking spot. I'm handicapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 877

You deserved it 2 626

No diggity

By bullllllshittttt - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to a rave where apparently one of my favorite rappers was supposed to perform. I stood in line for 2 hours in the rain, got pushed and shoved, and had to witness a bunch of drunken idiots puke all over the place. Once I finally got to the front of the line, they closed the doors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 817

You deserved it 6 695

Double shift

By mook05 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend of six months is not actually on vacation with her cousin but is moving in with her fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 810

You deserved it 3 255

Randy old bird

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I had to explain to my mother that it's inappropriate to hit on my boyfriend when his parents are over for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 675

You deserved it 2 772

Ciao!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my wife of 5 years has decided to change everything: her job, clothes, hair style, car, and me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 642

You deserved it 3 163

Not the sharpest tool

By Mothering - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I took my 16 year-old daughter to get a bank account, taking her birth certificate with us as requested. When the teller wrote her name down on a piece of paper, my daughter said, "How do you know my name?" The teller just looked at her and held up her birth certificate. I raised a nitwit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 562

You deserved it 12 752

That old switcheroo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is a Mormon, when his mother greeted me saying how happy she was her son had found himself a Mormon girlfriend. I know nothing about Mormonism, except from what I've seen on South Park, and I'm an atheist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 553

You deserved it 6 536

Freakout!

By beer guy - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, I got punched in the back by elderly woman because she thought I was mocking the way she walked as I passed her. I was walking funny because I have a brace-boot on my foot due to the fact that it got run over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 546

You deserved it 2 571

No excuses

By pissedexworker - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that being rushed unconscious to the hospital and missing work qualifies you for termination if you don't call in, even if you have a note from the ER doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 534

You deserved it 2 495

Headshot

By suhleedah18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 358

You deserved it 2 745

Trigger warning

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my annoying colleague gasped, wrapped her arms around herself, started sweating, and curled up in a ball crying, "No, no, no" in front of several customers. They accused me of "setting her off", when I blurted out, "Sorry, she gets panic attacks." All I did was say the word "abortion." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 331

You deserved it 6 595

Keywords

Love Cheating Work Money Relatable Jealousy My ex Accident Health Medication ADHD Weather Snow Miscellaneous Awkward Embarrassing Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts

The Top

Today, I came out as lesbian and introduced my new girlfriend to my family. My mom angrily told me that I should have waited until my grandparents had died before coming out, and that I was "extremely disrespectful" for making this announcement. I honestly thought everyone would be fine with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 096

You deserved it 1 169

Stop everything you're doing right now, there's an (almost) naked lady in today's illustration! Plus, there's a puppet AND doctors. It's the perfect illustration, made by Gemma Correll, our British artist of the day. Check out her interview! ...

I agree, your life sucks 10

You deserved it 9

The Top

Today, I learned my boyfriend has another girlfriend. His excuse is he's bipolar and each of his personalities needs a girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 787

You deserved it 5 082

Today, my wife let two Jehovah's Witnesses in for a chat, then deliberately went to a neighbour's for "Two minutes," and left me with them for half-an-hour, with them refusing to take my hints to leave. In the end, I told them to fuck off, just as the wife arrived home, and she got mad at me for being rude. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 838

You deserved it 224

Today, after a few weeks of my dad setting up glue traps in the garage to trap mice, I found out what it's like to have a pigeon wander in and get its foot stuck on one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 3 577

Today, I had to make a doctor's appointment for my daughter. Apparently she thought it would be better to wipe herself with Clorox tough scrub disinfecting wipes than tell me she'd caught an STD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 138

You deserved it 3 937

Today, I got marked down in a performance review for not being able to keep my relationship with a coworker a permanent secret. I think if her engagement ring hadn't given it away, eventually the baby bump would've. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 890

You deserved it 437

Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 166

You deserved it 288