Pranks, Parents, Injury, Dad jokes and Health: Headshot

Headshot

By suhleedah18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 358

You deserved it 2 745

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Same thing different taste

Bat out of hell

By my dad is blind as shit - 03/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 149

By failedmusician - 03/06/2009 10:06 - New Zealand

Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 714

You deserved it 59 057

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 21:59 - New Zealand

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 203

You deserved it 6 721

The pirate look

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 03:01 - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 064

You deserved it 5 977

By zoearcu - 17/04/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 882

You deserved it 3 522

By ke - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 855

You deserved it 30 876

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 119

By huwauw - 17/09/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 990

You deserved it 7 336

By blindedbyOCD - 03/09/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 955

You deserved it 268

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 08:02

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 963

You deserved it 206

saIty 17

Monday 19 December 2011 12:05

The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...

imustbeinsane 2

Monday 19 December 2011 12:12

Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand

Comments

max_wilder 9

Monday 19 December 2011 12:04

Hate when that happens

AyeTee77 18

Monday 19 December 2011 12:09

Arrrrrrg, well doesn't that just suck.

deviable 9

Monday 19 December 2011 12:28

I dunno, It kinda sounded like a western style stand off with a pirate. Awh man that's just too awesome.

SiriusBlack97 17

Monday 19 December 2011 13:04

EUROPE '72!! Woah, mann

zombicidal 11

Monday 19 December 2011 14:05

OP should make him walk the plank

Justforlolz 14

Monday 19 December 2011 22:52

Sounds like OP should "patch" things up with his father.... No? Ok....

gojira666 7

Tuesday 20 December 2011 6:40

Oh, SNAP!

saIty 17

Monday 19 December 2011 12:05

The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...

howdmynosego 12

Monday 19 December 2011 12:26

Or "The names Band....Rubber Band

BatteryAddict 11

Monday 19 December 2011 17:25

At least you look like a pirate! Yaaarh! Jolly roger yohooy! *insert "He's a pirate" theme*

tiptoppc 19

Friday 28 June 2024 0:31

“WoOo! It’s me! Your friend Bonder” “Bonder?! Is that you! It’s my old pal bonder!” (Paraphrased and not checked)

ambowew 7

Monday 19 December 2011 12:05

Arrr, now ye just need a peg leg and you'll be all set.

Insane_Tea 15

Monday 19 December 2011 13:29

Eye see what you did there!

GhostlyGhoulish 1

Tuesday 20 December 2011 7:22

Eyyyyyeeee laddie! And a bottle a rum an THEN ye be all set!

Real_Talk21 1

Monday 19 December 2011 12:11

POW! right in the kisser!

Jakesterk96 8

Monday 19 December 2011 14:27

This means war.... Rubber band war!!!!

xStaciexLynnx 15

Monday 19 December 2011 15:15

Isn't the kisser the mouth and he got hit in the eye?

MinecraftDragon 5

Tuesday 20 December 2011 7:12

I was gonna post that comment... but you beat me to it Dx

Mcstud1y 30

Friday 14 August 2015 14:54

Pow! Right in the looker

MaaaanWTF 1

Monday 19 December 2011 12:11

Make him wear one until you can take yours off! An eye for an eye... makes the whole world half blind.

kirsty1551 3

Monday 19 December 2011 16:07

"An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind."

Glidefedt 6

Tuesday 20 December 2011 1:45

40#, "An eye for an eye maes the whole world blind" Ghandi. Don't try to correct when your correction is wrong. And learn to get a joke.

imustbeinsane 2

Monday 19 December 2011 12:12

Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand

wittygirl 8

Monday 19 December 2011 16:11

Oh a leg lol

ikickgingers 15

Monday 19 December 2011 12:16

Bullseye? Yeah I got nothing...

weezypanda420 22

Wednesday 28 October 2015 2:33

Sounds like it was a pretty good shot

Wheredidgrungego 12

Monday 19 December 2011 12:17

Arrrr matey!

rattusrattus 18

Monday 19 December 2011 12:24

The logical solution, matey, is to hire a yaught and plunder t'seven seas, arrrrr! Just avoid tha battleships, yarr.

deviable 9

Monday 19 December 2011 12:25

Eye patches are awesome! Welcome aboard, matey!

Keywords

Animals Gross Poopoo peepee Cats Love Awkward Smells Embarrassing Miscellaneous Health Painful First Dates Christmas Work Social Media Grieving Music Anniversary Boredom Abuse Ironic Intimacy AITA Am I overreacting? Alcohol Transportation Drunk Parents Kids Gun control

The Top

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me for being "obsessed" with my new female coworker. She gave me a piece of paper with dozens of tally marks on it. What were the tally marks keeping count of? Every time I've mentioned my coworker to my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 101

You deserved it 804

Today, my boyfriend started to suck on my boob, which I quite enjoy, until he said he was breastfeeding and called me "Mummy". I don't think I can ever let his mouth near my boobs ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 030

You deserved it 3 408

The Top

Today, my future father in law motorboated my breasts as I bent down to give him a hug goodbye. The rest of the family stood there laughing. This is what I'm marrying into? FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 855

You deserved it 3 353

Today, after informing my boss that I needed stress leave from my 70-hour-a-week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week, starting at 2 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 552

You deserved it 4 059

Today, I watched on camera as my son tried to light a bonfire and set fire to my shed. Props to him, he ran to get my mini fire extinguisher from the car, but he pulled the pin then THREW THE EXTINGUISHER INTO THE FIRE. The dumb SOB thought mini extinguishers worked like grenades. FML

I agree, your life sucks 514

You deserved it 161

Today, I tried to go down the stairs two steps at a time. I slipped, fell flat on my ass, and busted my lower lip against my overbite. When I tried to get up, I realized I had also peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 043

You deserved it 1 401

Today, my little sister put on some black eyeliner on my eyes. About half an hour later, my eyes started to hurt. Eyeliner never hurt for me; so I went to the bathroom to check it out. My sister wasn't using eyeliner. It was a black watercolor pencil. Now I have black bits inside my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 301

You deserved it 6 345

Today, my dad and I ran into a guy I've been dating. He flipped out and accused me of cheating on him. This is now the second guy to have a similar reaction to my dad. I guess this is one of those unexpected consequences of teen pregnancy that my parents didn't see coming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 929

You deserved it 1 484

Headshot

Same thing different taste

Bat out of hell

The pirate look

Headshot

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

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