Pranks, Parents, Injury, Dad jokes and Health: Headshot

Headshot

By suhleedah18 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was working on my computer when my dad walks in, pointing his finger at me like a gun. Before I could even ask, it turns out he was aiming a rubber band at me. The doctor says I'll be able to take off my eyepatch in a couple of days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 358

You deserved it 2 745

Thanksgiving: Turkeys and Skids
Family meals that turn absurd, because Thanksgiving is also about laughing at little disasters. More…

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Same thing different taste

Bat out of hell

By my dad is blind as shit - 03/02/2023 17:00 - United States

Today, my dad asked to borrow my glasses to look for his glasses. He then took them off because they were extremely tight on his head, and gave them back to me. Then he turned around and walked into a wall. I sure hope my eyes don't get that bad, although they probably will by the time I'm 40. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 148

By failedmusician - 03/06/2009 10:06 - New Zealand

Today, my band went to play a set for the first time. I'm the drummer. All was going well, and then before our first song I threw the sticks in the air, went to catch them, and one hit me right in the eye. I couldn't continue playing. Now I have to wear an eyepatch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 714

You deserved it 59 057

By Anonymous - 10/12/2010 21:59 - New Zealand

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 202

You deserved it 6 720

The pirate look

By Anonymous - 13/11/2008 03:01 - France

Today, I scratched my cornea and have to wear a large bandage covering my eye. I'm off today, but I'll probably have to wear it to school tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 063

You deserved it 5 977

By zoearcu - 17/04/2011 18:32 - United States

Today, my dad decided to wake me up by opening the shades and having the sun shine on my face. When he pulled them up, the metal holder on top broke off and fell on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 880

You deserved it 3 522

By ke - 29/01/2010 05:10 - United States

Today, I did something clever at work and I was telling one of the other girls about it. I said "Just using my noodle" and went to tap my temple but instead I jabbed myself in the eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 855

You deserved it 30 874

Headshot

By Anonymous - 26/07/2021 14:01

Today, I was putting on my sweatpants and accidentally stepped on the elastic drawstring. I moved my foot. The string snapped upward with great speed and hit me in my open eye. My eyeball is not happy with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 119

By huwauw - 17/09/2010 20:33 - United States

Today, I was doing my homework on the computer when my dad walked by with a plate of food, threw his fork at me, and said "POSTURE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 990

You deserved it 7 336

By blindedbyOCD - 03/09/2018 01:30

Today, I accidentally poked myself in the left eye. As I sat there in pain, my 9-year-old nephew, who we think has OCD, decided to help out by poking me in the right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 952

You deserved it 268

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 08:02

Today, the eye doctor told me I only had 90% vision on my left eye, and asked if I wanted treatment. Not being terribly bothered by it, I asked what the treatment would consist of. "We'll stick a large needle in your eye, and pump in some medicine." I quickly wished him a pleasant day and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 204

saIty 17

Monday 19 December 2011 12:05

The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...

imustbeinsane 2

Monday 19 December 2011 12:12

Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand

Comments

max_wilder 9

Monday 19 December 2011 12:04

Hate when that happens

AyeTee77 18

Monday 19 December 2011 12:09

Arrrrrrg, well doesn't that just suck.

deviable 9

Monday 19 December 2011 12:28

I dunno, It kinda sounded like a western style stand off with a pirate. Awh man that's just too awesome.

SiriusBlack97 17

Monday 19 December 2011 13:04

EUROPE '72!! Woah, mann

zombicidal 11

Monday 19 December 2011 14:05

OP should make him walk the plank

Justforlolz 14

Monday 19 December 2011 22:52

Sounds like OP should "patch" things up with his father.... No? Ok....

gojira666 7

Tuesday 20 December 2011 6:40

Oh, SNAP!

saIty 17

Monday 19 December 2011 12:05

The names Bond... Rubber man Bond...

howdmynosego 12

Monday 19 December 2011 12:26

Or "The names Band....Rubber Band

BatteryAddict 11

Monday 19 December 2011 17:25

At least you look like a pirate! Yaaarh! Jolly roger yohooy! *insert "He's a pirate" theme*

tiptoppc 19

Friday 28 June 2024 0:31

“WoOo! It’s me! Your friend Bonder” “Bonder?! Is that you! It’s my old pal bonder!” (Paraphrased and not checked)

ambowew 7

Monday 19 December 2011 12:05

Arrr, now ye just need a peg leg and you'll be all set.

Insane_Tea 15

Monday 19 December 2011 13:29

Eye see what you did there!

GhostlyGhoulish 1

Tuesday 20 December 2011 7:22

Eyyyyyeeee laddie! And a bottle a rum an THEN ye be all set!

Real_Talk21 1

Monday 19 December 2011 12:11

POW! right in the kisser!

Jakesterk96 8

Monday 19 December 2011 14:27

This means war.... Rubber band war!!!!

xStaciexLynnx 15

Monday 19 December 2011 15:15

Isn't the kisser the mouth and he got hit in the eye?

MinecraftDragon 5

Tuesday 20 December 2011 7:12

I was gonna post that comment... but you beat me to it Dx

Mcstud1y 30

Friday 14 August 2015 14:54

Pow! Right in the looker

MaaaanWTF 1

Monday 19 December 2011 12:11

Make him wear one until you can take yours off! An eye for an eye... makes the whole world half blind.

kirsty1551 3

Monday 19 December 2011 16:07

"An eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind."

Glidefedt 6

Tuesday 20 December 2011 1:45

40#, "An eye for an eye maes the whole world blind" Ghandi. Don't try to correct when your correction is wrong. And learn to get a joke.

imustbeinsane 2

Monday 19 December 2011 12:12

Now you have to make him look like a pirate too! Cut off his hand

wittygirl 8

Monday 19 December 2011 16:11

Oh a leg lol

ikickgingers 15

Monday 19 December 2011 12:16

Bullseye? Yeah I got nothing...

weezypanda420 22

Wednesday 28 October 2015 2:33

Sounds like it was a pretty good shot

Wheredidgrungego 12

Monday 19 December 2011 12:17

Arrrr matey!

rattusrattus 18

Monday 19 December 2011 12:24

The logical solution, matey, is to hire a yaught and plunder t'seven seas, arrrrr! Just avoid tha battleships, yarr.

deviable 9

Monday 19 December 2011 12:25

Eye patches are awesome! Welcome aboard, matey!

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Sleep Dating Love Am I overreacting? Annoying Parents Health Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Relatable Animals Dogs Teenagers Gamers Ironic Video games Job interview

The Top

Today, I tried to talk to my teenage son about healthy masculinity. He said, "Yeah Mom, I know. Lift weights and eat red meat and fish. Can I go?" Not what I meant at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 235

You deserved it 354

Today, my boyfriend and I got intimate with each other for the first time. He shoved his hand down my pants, touched about an inch away from my clitoris, and whispered, "Cummm" in my ear. I doubt I'll have an orgasm ever again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 034

You deserved it 4 250

The Top

Today, holding my newborn baby and yearning for some affection from my mother, I asked my mom what the best day of her life was, hoping she would say the day I was born. Her answer? "The day you moved out." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 258

You deserved it 6 660

Today, I was holding a yard sale. A man came up to me and asked if he could buy a pair of red and white sneakers that I'd found in my attic and had never worn. Five bucks later, he was walking away with what I now realize was the pair of shoes signed by Michael Jordan given to me by my uncle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 069

You deserved it 78 679

Today, after my ex had promised his mother he’d give something from her estate to my kids when she died, so she never bothered to change her will to include them, and she died a few weeks ago so I asked him about it because my eldest is going to university soon. He laughed in my face and shut the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 707

You deserved it 308

Today, my girlfriend told me that I was irrationally jealous. I’ve just learnt that she has a website where she masturbates in front of a webcam. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 529

You deserved it 4 049

Today, I was giving a presentation at work, when I said, "But we could care less about that." My boss asked if I meant, "Couldn't care less." Wanting to avoid embarrassment, I tried to think up an excuse, only to end up blurting that it was my phone's auto-correct. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 584

You deserved it 35 271

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. After he left my place, I realized he took my Sonicare toothbrush because he knew that I would be more upset about missing that than our relationship. He was right. I am really upset about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 297

You deserved it 34 310

Headshot

Same thing different taste

Bat out of hell

The pirate look

Headshot

I guess that's why they call it an intravitreal injection

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