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Although these posts certainly aMuse me, there's No Doubt I'm still pissed. The Postal Service in These United States is so bad even Twenty One Pilots couldn't get the tickets to my Neighbourhood on time. The Maine point is that my Simple Plan to see my favorite band was ruined by the Hooligans working as mail men. That's Sum 41 dollars wasted. I Solemnly Swear that this was my All Time Low and next time there's a concert I'll print tickets to make sure I can have Fun.. My tickets will be printed by the time I blink-182 times. Even though it Hurts that I missed my concert, thank you guys for making me LMFAO, this is the best comment thread ever!

By Nicked - 25/04/2009 11:50 - Israel

Today, I was on a bus and a man was feeling up my butt. I was just about to step on his foot when the bus stopped and he slipped out. Only then did I realize he'd stolen my wallet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 011

You deserved it 15 796

By Jaybird1587 - 03/08/2009 12:43 - United States

Today, I was just about to get in the shower, when I heard a loud crunch. I thought to myself, boy the neighbours next door must be doing some heavy construction. Two seconds after that thought, my brother knocked on the door to inform me that the neighbours tree had just fallen on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 011

You deserved it 2 499

By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/08/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 009

You deserved it 10 831

Forever single

By Bridget Jones? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Wolverhampton

Today, I found out that my family has a bet on how long I will be single for. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 004

You deserved it 5 206

Backfire

By Anonymous - 12/09/2009 21:26 - United States

Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 001

You deserved it 5 593

Ah, young love…

By HotAsTits - 20/03/2011 20:31 - United States

Today, my parents thought it would be appropriate to tell my girlfriend that I used to stick my penis in a sock puppet and talk to it when I was younger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 997

You deserved it 10 483

Mom won this one

By duuuuude - 17/04/2009 03:08 - United States

Today, I was home alone while my mom went out to dinner. I decided to hop in the shower, and I noticed my mom left her douche in there. After, I texted her telling her what I found and that it was gross. Her response? "It's not gross. It came from my vagina, like you and your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 994

You deserved it 23 324

By butnotlikethat - 16/03/2013 00:05 - China - Nanchang

Today, my grandma gave me a sex talk. Not the usual one, either. This one was about blowjobs. I had to sit politely as she explained it's something all women have to learn if they want a well-behaved husband, but that it's an "acquired taste". Gag me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 992

You deserved it 6 238

By Scarred - 04/09/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, while riding in the car with my friends, we stopped at a red light. To our left, a very obese, middle aged man slowly unbuttoned his shirt and spread it out. He then stared at us while massaging his nipples with his thumb and index fingers for the duration of the red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 986

You deserved it 5 661

By LetMeOut - 11/11/2013 18:02 - United States - Richmond

Today, my husband got mad at me for not helping take out the groceries from the car. He yelled that I'm lazy, and that he regrets our marriage. I guess he forgot that the door handle on that side is broken and he had to let me out of the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 984

You deserved it 4 629

By thanksmom - 30/04/2011 01:00 - United States

Today, my mom paid $40 for overnight shipping on delivery of paint for my Art major dropout sister, but insists on making me wait two weeks for my diabetes medication. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 979

You deserved it 3 232

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 28/06/2014 01:02 - United States - Imperial

Today, I couldn't find my vibrator. After searching for an hour I decided to ask my husband. He quickly shook his head no. We've been married for ten years. I know when he's lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 971

You deserved it 10 747

By anonymous - 23/04/2013 05:25 - United States

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 962

You deserved it 4 201

By marcranger - 06/12/2013 02:30 - United States - Littleton

Today, my boyfriend and I got into a huge argument while driving home from visiting family. We pulled into a gas station, and I went inside to grab a drink and cool down. When I came back out, both car and boyfriend were nowhere in sight. It was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 962

You deserved it 5 710

marcranger tells us more.

marcranger 28

Friday 6 December 2013 18:57

This actually happened a couple years ago, and to answer everyone's implied questions, yes he is now my ex, yes this incident was the catalyst, yes I called the cops, and yes I got the car back! After standing outside for a few seconds with my jaw flapping in the wind, then realizing my phone was in the car to top everything else off, I went back inside and had the attendant dial the local cops. Since I knew the make, model, license plate, and rough direction where the cockhole was going, it was pretty easy to track down. He did have the audacity to call me and ask (demand, actually) that I bail his ass out, but I laughed and hung up. I ultimately wound up dropping the charges, since his parents are very well-connected in their hometown, and I knew the lawyer they got him would have been able to get him off on probation or something equally pathetic. But mostly I dropped them because the family was wealthy and vindictive enough that I could have seen them suing me (!!!) to get back the cost of the lawyer's fees, and once it was all said and done, I just wanted a clean break. He had some mental health issues (depression, alcoholism, longtime unemployment) going on way before this, and I'd been weighing my options for getting out for a while. At least his real-life GTA5 enactment gave me the chance I needed!

Nailed it

By watch_corn_dance - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Pontiac

Today, I was being shown how to use a nail gun while applying for a job at a construction company. The instructor shot me in the arm with it. I didn't even get the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 957

You deserved it 3 630

By Jake - 01/07/2009 12:28 - Australia

Today, I logged on to MSN for the first time in a month. In under 10 minutes, I found out that my little sister had changed my screen name to Jake the Weiner, told my friend that he should "suck my d***" and sent an email to all my contacts declaring my love for my best friend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 957

You deserved it 6 505

By BrefODM - 13/06/2014 03:15 - United Kingdom

Today, thanks to an efficient diet, I reached my target weight. Unfortunately, my chest has disappeared. My boyfriend suggested we have a funeral for my bras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 950

You deserved it 7 529

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

By KTK - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brother's girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 949

You deserved it 3 532

By Boulette - 23/06/2014 05:44 - France - Dammartin-en-go?le

Today, I was on vacation, when a very cute guy starting talking to me and asked me what my name was. Overwhelmed and stressed out, I blurted out that I didn't have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 944

You deserved it 12 673

By hairy - 25/02/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I told my boss I was bored of being a cashier and would rather go to food prep. He told me I couldn't because my arms were too hairy. I'm a sixteen year old girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 939

You deserved it 6 335

Long haul

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I have to go on a 7-hour-bus ride sitting beside my ex-boyfriend's mother. We broke up because she told him to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 938

You deserved it 3 330

By Poorfish - 17/03/2009 04:34 - United States

Today, my fish's tank was all green and nasty, but I had no time to clean it because I woke up late, so the job was left to my mom. When I came back, the water level seemed high, and the fish looked a little strange, so I asked my mom what she did. She said "I cleaned the tank with chlorine!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 936

You deserved it 29 938

By Carebeareatu - 21/07/2013 13:26 - United States

Today, my fiancé confronted me about our wedding arrangements. Apparently, if he's not allowed to wear a duct-tape tuxedo and have a Jesus impersonator as his best man, the wedding is off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 933

You deserved it 8 271

Carebeareatu tells us more.

Carebeareatu 23

Sunday 21 July 2013 21:39

Hey guys, OP here. I agreed to the Jesus as the best man but not the tux. No, I'm not going to dump him or call the wedding off because of his ideas, since it isn't just the woman's day but his too. It isn't too terrible to have have a little spunk at Our wedding ;P