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The all-time greatest FMLs

By Anonymous - 17/06/2009 16:32 - Russian Federation

Today, at my job in a chemists, I had a customer ask me which acne cream I would recommend. I picked up the brand I use and told her that I've been using it for a year now. After pausing to stare at my face for a second, she thanked me and picked up the competing brand instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 046

You deserved it 5 738

By valerie - 28/05/2011 01:04 - United States

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a handjob for the first time. It took ages for him to get excited, and in the end the only thing that blew up was him, saying, "Oh my god, just stop it already." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 18 790

By thatsnotmyname - 03/07/2014 03:12 - United States - Calhoun City

Today, my boyfriend of a couple of weeks mixed up my name with his ex-wife's name. After he said it, he looked at me and said, "You knew it was going to happen." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 044

You deserved it 7 810

By Thanks guys - 26/11/2013 05:21 - United States - Richmond

Today, I logged onto Facebook to see one of my "friends" had used my account to post a coming-out story. It had comments on it such as "I knew it!" "Finally." and "That explains so much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 043

You deserved it 4 926

Lost

By daenerys stromboli - 28/12/2013 18:11 - Ireland - Navan

Today, my parents started fighting at a restaurant. Embarrassed, I went to the restroom to get away and stayed in there for about 15 minutes, knowing how long their fights can last. When I came back, they were gone. They'd ditched me, and left me to walk several miles back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 041

You deserved it 4 693

By pissedandcomputerless - 07/11/2013 18:42 - United States - Lawrence

Today, I failed on a school presentation because I was not prepared. Apparently, the fact that my computer crapped itself and started giving off smoke last period isn't a good reason for not having my presentation prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 040

You deserved it 8 686

By Anonymous - 08/05/2013 06:42 - United States

Today, I got a breast exam. I'd never had one before, but assumed it would be quick and easy. I had no idea how ticklish my boobs are. I burst out in uncontrollable laughter and kept instinctively jerking away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 038

You deserved it 5 542

By Noname - 22/01/2009 08:29 - United States

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 036

You deserved it 2 550

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 00:17 - United States

Today, I realized my mom cares more about Kurt's bullying problem on Glee than she does for mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 035

You deserved it 4 135

By Shannon - 19/06/2014 00:58 - United States - Dearborn

Today, a customer called the restaurant I work at to ask if our coupons were always valid, or if they expired on the expiration date printed on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 035

You deserved it 4 999

By Anonymous - 07/03/2012 04:03 - United States

Today, I had to bury my horse again because coyotes keep digging it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 034

You deserved it 3 381

By fleetingmemories - 29/11/2013 23:55 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I had to bail my husband out of jail. It turns out that in the Black Friday rush, he beat a guy up just so he could get his hands on the last of a heavily-discounted item. The item in question: a toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 034

You deserved it 4 327

By too good - 24/10/2014 10:54 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, my boyfriend and I tried roleplaying a teacher-student during sex. We're both studying to be actors, so we ended up going into a really deep, emotional storyline that didn't end in sex at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 033

You deserved it 14 566

By Anonymous - 20/03/2011 03:30 - United States

Today, I got my first kiss. He had an allergic reaction to my chapstick, and broke out in hives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 032

You deserved it 5 098

I'm not okay

By butterbody - 23/03/2014 23:02 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to a coffee shop. As I headed over to stand in line, I tripped over my own feet. I got back up, then tripped up yet again. Everyone was staring, and I was so mortified that I went to leave. I then struggled with the door under their glares before realising it opened the other way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 031

You deserved it 6 812

By burb - 25/09/2013 19:23 - Germany - Berlin

Today, I invited my new girlfriend over for the first time. My roommate thought it would be funny to go on a porn site on my computer and leave it up. She saw it, freaked out, slapped me, and left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 029

You deserved it 3 904

By birthdaygirl - 16/04/2014 17:24 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's my birthday. The only people who wished me a happy birthday were the ones who saw the "birthday boy" poster my sister plastered around school, which included a photo of me as a kid dressed up as a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 028

You deserved it 4 209

By awkword - 31/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 025

You deserved it 3 873

By Anonymous - 13/09/2013 17:06 - Ireland - Donegal

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 023

You deserved it 7 201

By Bliggins - 28/11/2012 03:08 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, someone very close to me came out of the closet. Normally I would fully support them, had we not just gotten married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 021

You deserved it 2 960

By screwed - 30/10/2009 21:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called and asked me why I love him. I told him because he's always there for me and continues to put up with my bipolar disorder. He promptly said "not anymore" and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 021

You deserved it 5 443

By Anonymous - 11/04/2014 23:16 - United States - San Francisco

Today, after months of busting our asses and working round the clock on our latest project, I and the whole office just got bad news: when our boss promised extremely generous bonuses for doing all this, he was point-blank lying, and intended to take credit for our work all along. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 3 454

By Anonymous - 13/05/2013 05:02 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was visiting, and while in the bathroom, she clogged the toilet. Since there was no plunger in the room, she unclogged it with the only thing she could find: my mother's hairbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 019

You deserved it 5 246

By Broeman - 13/09/2009 23:10 - United States

Today, I found some charges on my credit card for two round trip tickets to Las Vegas. Turns out my daughter and her stoner, unemployed boyfriend stole my credit card and flew to Vegas over the weekend to get married. I paid for my daughter's elopement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 018

You deserved it 4 355

Pspspspspsps

By imalosertho - 11/06/2014 01:01 - Canada - Truro

Today, I was really hungry at work, and my stomach growled loudly. One of my co-workers heard it and thought it was a cat. Ashamed, I played dumb and we ended up spending twenty minutes looking for a cat that I knew didn't exist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 013

You deserved it 19 454

By omgstfuplz - 16/09/2009 08:38 - United States

Today, I was arguing with one of my professors. She said that all married couples fight and I told her that my parents have never argued or fought about anything. When I got home my parents told me that they're getting a divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 012

You deserved it 13 477

By teegtwo - 22/07/2014 05:55 - United States

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 011

You deserved it 27 001

By Anonymous - 28/12/2013 05:10 - United States - Novi

Today, after being married for 20 years, I found out that my wife has accounts on multiple dating sites, "just in case." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 010

You deserved it 3 581

Asshat

By Anonymous - 13/08/2014 14:18 - United Kingdom - Paignton

Today, a potential customer was looking at a treadmill at the fitness warehouse I work at. Once he was done testing it out, I asked him if he'd like me to order it for him. His reply? "Nah. I only had a go on it 'cause it looked like fun. Hey, but you could order one for yourself, huh, chubs?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 010

You deserved it 5 320

By Anonymous - 04/05/2009 12:37 - Canada

Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me because he loves toilets. Everyone was sleeping so I went pee but didnt flush. My cat jumped onto the seat and fell in. I had to lift him out and then wash him. He hates water though, so I was scratched by my cat who was dripping with my own pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 008

You deserved it 28 867

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out that my grandson is actually my stepson, my son is his half-brother, and my soon to be ex-husband impregnated our son’s wife, who’s a third his age. Yet somehow my slimy ex is the victim in all this because our son beat him to a bloody pulp while I did nothing to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 627

You deserved it 106

Today, I called off my engagement because I fell in love with my best friend of 10 years since we recently reconnected. I confessed my feelings to her and asked her out. She rejected me and said she only sees me as a friend. Now I’m completely single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 4 081

The Top

Today, I came home from work to find that my girlfriend had sold all of my N64 and Atari games and both the consoles and bought me a PS4 with the money. While I was standing there in shock, she kissed me on the cheek and said, "I know, I'm the greatest." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 824

You deserved it 4 726

Today, I felt a tug on my backpack and found my wallet missing. A nice stranger pointed to a guy running down the stairs and said "There goes the guy who took your wallet!" I ran to catch the supposed offender. The 'nice' stranger was the actual offender distracting me as he got away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 111

You deserved it 7 707

Today, hoping to seal the deal on a promotion, I had my boss over for dinner. My dad, who lives with me, started ranting about homosexuals burning in hell. My boss’s daughter is a lesbian. Now my dad’s nose is broken and I fear for my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 381

You deserved it 807

Today, my upstairs neighbors, in my supposedly pet-free apartment complex, got a puppy. It’s a Great Dane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 698

You deserved it 111

Today, I walked in on my wife and my buddy from work. They didn’t even stop. I just went to a motel to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 189

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 312

You deserved it 1 777