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Alright. Where to start. 1) I submitted this FML and someone liked it so much he decided to submit it as his own with a few modifications. That's why there are comments about "daddy". 2) My son is 18 months, is developmentally challenged and just learning. He did not actually get me. 3) It is a learning fork for children which has metal, rounded prongs so it doesn't hurt if he gets you or himself. 4) I did take away his fork to which he screamed and cried. When he settled down, I gave it back and he was content to stab his pancake. 5) Have you people never been stabbed by plasticware or a spork? That shit hurts! 6) I do not live in Ghana.

By Anonymous - 14/05/2013 17:03 - United States - Norman

Today, my doorknob broke. While trying to impress my dad and show that I can fix things for girls, I somehow managed to lock myself in my room, with the doorknob on the other side of the door. When my dad finally heard my screams, he let me out. He had to take the whole door off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 187

You deserved it 20 275

Pesky kids

By no one - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Dallas

Today, my house caught on fire. The firefighters said that it was caused by a lit cigarette on the carpet. I don't smoke, but apparently my 13 year-old son does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 183

You deserved it 4 035

By ShakenNotStirred - 11/11/2013 08:18 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, a drunken customer blindsided me after I told him I would not be giving him a free drink after I watched him put his own hair in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 183

You deserved it 2 501

By aaah. - 24/05/2012 05:42 - Canada - Caronport

Today, I had to take Viagra. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 182

You deserved it 7 784

By kufan1324 - 05/06/2012 03:47 - United States

Today, my boss became obsessed with a movie about a pimp. He now refers to all my female coworkers as his "bitches" and refuses to treat us like human beings. Whenever we make a mistake, he rolls his eyes and laughs, "So typical of a prostie." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 181

You deserved it 3 338

By Tom - 25/11/2010 13:28

Today, a car hit me. I didn't get hurt, but someone called 911. The old woman who had hit me got out of the car with no problem to look at me, and gets back into the car. When the police arrive, she pulls out crutches and said I made strange faces and made her hit me. I got blamed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 180

You deserved it 2 587

By jgdgjyfg - 25/07/2011 07:21 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad taped a picture of me to the fridge with "Do not feed the she-beast" written on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 179

You deserved it 8 909

By sam882 - 23/02/2015 06:49 - United States - Saegertown

Today, a man approached me and told me he wanted to drink my dirty bath water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 179

You deserved it 3 790

sam882 tells us more.

sam882 28

Monday 23 February 2015 21:21

I was completely shocked and at the same time embarrassed. I had to just walk away, completely speechless. It took a moment to register with me that i actually heard that. haha

By ottawaaa - 27/01/2009 22:26 - Canada

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend and as I pulled out to finish I slipped and ended up punching her in the stomach, I came while she was writhing in pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 176

You deserved it 10 862