All the FMLs

Follow the lifescript

By SingleFatUglyL - 16/01/2023 18:00

Today, I posted on Facebook that I got the Princess Peach Happy Meal toy and I was super ecstatic. A friend of mine commented, “This shit is why you’re 32 and still single as fuck. Get a boyfriend and go start a family.” Her comment got 38 likes. I threw my laptop across the room and burst into tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 801

You deserved it 1 022

Rumor mill

By Gerald - 16/01/2023 16:00

Today, I found out that a new coworker was spreading false rumours about me. I confronted her. and she basically ran to management and said I intimidated her even though other colleagues discredited her claims. She now continues spreading the rumours with her fake intimidation charges on top of it all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 932

You deserved it 100

Harshing our buzz, man

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 14:00

Today, I was asked to leave a party because apparently I was a buzzkill. It was my party, for my birthday, at my house. All my friends and relatives basically sent me to my room for being too tired to party, so they could get pissed in my front room and pillage my fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 207

Barely legal

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 13:00 - South Africa

Today, I recently got into a relationship with a 15 year-old. I’m 17. All my friends are calling me a pedo. Am I the only one that doesn’t think the age gap is weird? FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 411

Feral kitty

By HappyNewYear - 16/01/2023 06:00

Today, a cat ran into the house and got cornered in my room. Animal control wasn't answering so I did what I could to try to lure it out. It proceeded to chomp down on my finger. Way to start the New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 691

You deserved it 150

Like a bat

By Blind - 15/01/2023 21:00 - United States

Today, my glasses have completely disappeared. I know for a fact that I put them on my desk, but now they're absolutely nowhere to be found. This is my first time playing "Find your glasses without the assistance of your glasses" and I'm failing at it badly. My vision isn't even that bad yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 122

Fight yoga, try anxiety

By Anonymous - 16/01/2023 02:00

Today, I started yoga to help with my stress and overall health. I also got a "hit by a truck" migraine in the middle of my second downward dog pose, and spent the last 20 minutes of the 30 minute lesson curled up in fetal position on my new yoga mat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 739

You deserved it 106

Whatcha wanna know?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, during a job interview, I spent an eternity telling them everything about my experience, my character, my passions, and my previous jobs. Next thing I know, the recruiter said, “Now let’s get to the part where you tell us something about yourself!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 792

You deserved it 140

Good job!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had a job interview. The interviewer asked me to give 5 adjectives describing myself. I listed 7. The last one being "listener." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 252

You deserved it 37 905

Follow your dream

By NoMoreIntellectualPursuit - 15/01/2023 12:00 - United States

Today, just to have a chance of a future career, I had to major in Data Science. Here's to 2.5 more years of soul-crushing tedium and passionless abstraction. If I had the resources to control my own life, I would have been a tradesman so I wouldn't have to sacrifice 4 years of my life on this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 580

You deserved it 330

I can't get no sleep

By wishingIwassingle - 15/01/2023 15:00 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, after weeks of being up nights to hand feed nine puppies, I, an insomniac, finally got to sleep during the day, which isn't easy for me, only to be woken by my partner asking me a stupid question that was unimportant, then made to feel like a jerk for being angry. I'm now stuck awake, pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 199

I'm always right

By Anonymous - 15/01/2023 14:00

Today, my mom got mad at me. She told me that the neighbor was stupid for letting their kids play all over the street alone. I said it was fine, because the mom walked right next to the daughter as she played on her scooter. She argued, “Why do you always have to disagree with me?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 685

You deserved it 128

Sneaky

By Wow - 15/01/2023 05:00 - United States

Today, my cat tried to steal my burger. She was successful. She grabbed the patty with her teeth and pulled it right out of the burger. I was too dumbfounded to try and stop her. I have a suspicion that she is hungry and I forgot to feed her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 161

You deserved it 1 052

Letting go

By KimL - 15/01/2023 10:00

Today, I learned that my ex married the girl he cheated on me with and started a family. I’m still single at 30 years old - Five years after that relationship ended. I still live at home and I’ve gained so much weight from the depression that guys find me repulsive. Glad to know my ex did so much better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 701

You deserved it 491

Highly unprofessional

By djangle - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my marriage counselor told me I have the communication skills of a Lou Gehrig's patient. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 508

You deserved it 17 429

Happy for you, I guess…

By Anonymous - 15/01/2023 06:00

Today, I found out my friends were dating, which, OK, might seem normal. Unfortunately, I had this really big crush on this girl. I really admired her because she was a pianist and I was a violinist, and we often jammed together. I was gonna tell her, but before I could she told me she has a boyfriend now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 779

Kinda sus

By Ifeelya - 15/01/2023 04:00

Today, I found out the boyfriend of 2 years is actually 22 years-old instead of the 28 that he told me. I'm turning 39 this year and I'm very pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 486

Bitlife?

By Joshua - 14/01/2023 18:00 - United States

Today, I was called to my principal's office over one of my Google searches. What was a the horrid thing I'd searched you may ask? “Can you kill someone with an atomic wedgie?” I was talking about a game named ”Bitlife”. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 352

Like a house on fire

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 22:00

Today, my current girlfriend and my ex-girlfriend met each other. I don’t know how but they’re currently both getting on splendidly, while being mad at me like I’m the enemy of all womankind and should be castrated without delay. I want to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 780

You deserved it 295

Sleepy head

By wideawakeandinpain - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, after staying up all night with an excruciating headache, it finally went away. I crawled into bed and snuggled up to my husband only to have him shift positions and elbow me right in the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 639

You deserved it 3 243

Sex work is work

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 17:00 - United Kingdom - Hove

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that many years before we met, I once slept with a guy in my college for $500 just so I could avoid becoming homeless before my next student loan kicked in. He dumped me because he “doesn’t date whores”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 357

Doggy dog world

By that desert girl - 14/01/2023 08:00 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've been crying on a regular basis because I know one day my dog will die. He’s a completely healthy and happy dog, I just can’t accept how short his life will be and the fact that he’ll probably die before me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 784

No silver linings to this cloud

By Hannah - 14/01/2023 14:00

Today, I watched my mother's heart break. She found out, my siblings (20F and 18M), who've ignored her for years, have been adopted by our stepmother. She received said news the same way we found out my younger brother enlisted, and from the only place we get pics of him and my sister: her abusive ex-husband's Facebook page. FML

I agree, your life sucks 816

You deserved it 125

Unprofessional

By WhoDunIt - 14/01/2023 10:00

Today, I had a job interview for the perfect job. My phone rang in my pocket. I’d forgotten to silence it. The worst part? The ringtone was a guy saying “Pussy!” on a continuous loop. The interviewer chewed me out for being “unprofessional” and kicked me out. I have no idea who set that ringtone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 333

You deserved it 1 178

Dat ass

By Chamorru - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I have so much ass acne that it hurts to sit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 933

You deserved it 6 389

What the…?

By Gary McBain - 14/01/2023 06:00

Today, whilst in the break room at work, a girl I don’t know walked into the room. She gave me a look of utter disgust, then turned and walked back out of the room. I was so shocked, I burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 91

Tinder surprise

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 04:00

Today, a woman turned up uninvited at my house, ready for our first date. After some embarrassed investigating, it turns out my mother signed me up to Tinder and arranged a date, all without telling me, because she refuses to believe I prefer solitude over dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 123

She has a point

By terminated - 14/01/2023 02:00

Today, one of my employees was a few minutes late without notice. I asked in the work group chat, “How are you gonna take a shift and not show up for it?” She responded with, “How are you gonna talk shit about your baby mama and then get her pregnant again?” I’ve never fired anyone so fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 2 720

Prank culture

By Anonymous - 14/01/2023 00:00

Today, my dad threw my boyfriend into the street naked. We weren’t even having sex, I was fully dressed in the kitchen, and my boyfriend was showering after his rugby game. My dad is also his teammate, and it was all a stupid prank by the team. I hate jocks sometimes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 042

You deserved it 197

Heftychonk

By just-a-fat-cat - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - West Bend

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud wheezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 942

You deserved it 5 102

Keywords

Awkward Miscellaneous Weddings Love My ex AITA Jealousy Friends Poopoo peepee Health Embarrassing Relatable Mental health Therapy Kids Parenting Thanksgiving Covid Argument Medication Ironic Cute Sports Proposal Annoying Snow Cold weather Cheating Work Money

The Top

Today, the woman I love, who rejected me countless times, got a boyfriend. Bitter about it, I post on my Instagram Story: “I could have been your love bug, but apparently you’re into roaches.” She posted a story of them kissing, saying, “I love my roach so much!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 50

You deserved it 1 398

Today, I found out that my grandson is actually my stepson, my son is his half-brother, and my soon to be ex-husband impregnated our son’s wife, who’s a third his age. Yet somehow my slimy ex is the victim in all this because our son beat him to a bloody pulp while I did nothing to stop it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 106

The Top

Today, I committed to babysitting on Valentine's Day not because I needed the money, but because I just got dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 039

You deserved it 2 791

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 194

You deserved it 3 349

Today, I have a great union job and have told my friends about it. I recently received three calls from a very irate person, blaming me for, "stealing their workers by telling them about 'union BS'." I literally can't find their company anywhere, but they claim they will sue me. I don't even know who they are! FML

I agree, your life sucks 961

You deserved it 122

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 994

You deserved it 8 661

Today, my best friend set me up on a blind date. I've discussed the fact I like to date older men, but she thought it was clever to send a 63-year-old to my house to, "Netflix And Chill." FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 630

You deserved it 2 030

Today, my daughter mentioned that she didn't need to work because she could convert a dollar to 13 Mexican pesos and convert it back into "13 USD", over and over again. She's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 125

You deserved it 5 239