All the FMLs

Entitled

By WeClosed2MinsAgo - 08/12/2022 14:00

Today, I got fired. There was a customer last night who showed up 2 minutes after our closing time, 11 p.m.. She knocked on the door many times, but I ignored her and kept sweeping the floor. She eventually left. Turns out she’s the VP’s daughter and told him I was “rude and inconsiderate” to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 217

Great timing

By Earl_KarmasBitch - 08/12/2022 11:00 - Iceland

Today, having made absolutely sure I wouldn't have work until 4 p.m., I slept peacefully to recover from staying up till 5 a.m. to watch my country in the World Cup. Until at 8 a.m., someone on the floor above started drilling. No one has done any drilling day or night in the last six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 747

You deserved it 160

Close, but no cigar

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 10:00

Today, after months of tests, I was the only candidate left for my dream job. Then, only a few days before the last meeting before signing the contract, I get a call from HR informing me their co-worker unexpectedly came back from unpaid leave and that they are obliged to give him the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 81

Quote of the day

By lol - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was making breakfast. My microwave door was already open, but I couldn't figure that out so I kept pressing the button. According to Einstein, I'm now insane. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 207

You deserved it 30 849

Downer

By Anonymous - 08/12/2022 16:00 - Australia - Glenroy

Today, it's my third day of gastroenteritis that’s wreaked havoc on my young family for a full week. More vomit and poo than I care to admit. Coming up to the two year anniversary of my brother taking his own life, just before Xmas. People say it’s a happy time of year. Not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 112

Smash

By Unintended Victim - 08/12/2022 02:00

Today, I was sitting next to my friend as he blew out the candles on his birthday cake. Some asshole got the bright idea to shove his face in the cake, but they missed and pushed me in instead. The candles were still lit. My hair caught fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 105

Certainly seems like it

By Red Head Redemption - 08/12/2022 00:00

Today, I dyed my hair red. Everyone I've met who knows my real hair color has accused me of being an attention seeker, or thinks I lost a bet. I just thought I would look more attractive if my hair was red. Is that a crime? FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 196

Love is love

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 22:00

Today, I'm a queer woman who's been in love for two years with my straight Muslim female friend. If she ever found out about my interest in her, she'd probably be disgusted. It also doesn't help that my homophobic/racist/xenophobic/islamophobic Catholic family would disown me if they found out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 938

You deserved it 388

Tipped off

By MicachuPikachu - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Independence

Today, to make it seem like customers actually liked me, I told my coworkers I got tipped $12. Sadly, that "$12 tip" came out of my own pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 361

You deserved it 14 029

Anger management

By Emily - 07/12/2022 18:00

Today, I was mad at my boyfriend, so I yanked the power cord for his computer while he was gaming. Turns out, that fried part of his computer and now it won't turn on. He broke up with me, even after I apologized, and offered to replace the part. FML

I agree, your life sucks 171

You deserved it 2 463

December baby

By December Birthdays Suck - 07/12/2022 09:00 - United States

Today, my birthday is in two weeks. I began looking up significant events that occurred on my birthday just to feel as though it actually matters to someone. Few of my friends remember it, and the ones that do have trouble trying to squeeze it into their schedules without screwing up their Christmas plans. FML

I agree, your life sucks 737

You deserved it 125

Naughty boy

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 14:00

Today, my dog and I came in from an afternoon in the back yard and he immediately shat on the carpet. Way to go boy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 746

You deserved it 134

Thanks Jeffree Star

By whysoserious??? - 07/12/2022 12:00

Today, my girlfriend has become completely obsessed with YouTube makeup tutorials. She’s already beautiful and used to take 30 minutes tops to get ready. Now every time we leave the house, it’s some 2-hour paint session where she ends up looking like an unrecognizable fucking psychopath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 059

You deserved it 154

Self report

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 10:00

Today, at work, I had to analyze timecards data and generate a report on the least billed / occupied people at work. I found myself at the bottom. I sent it to my boss too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 174

Classic line

By LonelyMe - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff

Today, my boyfriend of a year broke up with me by saying, "It's not you, it's me. I have a terrible taste in women." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 873

You deserved it 3 414

Failure on every level

By Jason - 07/12/2022 06:00

Today, I had a beautiful dream. I dreamed that I somehow got into Stanford University, but in class I couldn't keep up with them. In reality, I'm terrible at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 654

You deserved it 137

**** my shit up

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 04:00

Today, I got a haircut and it was messed up for the fifth time in a row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 184

Suffer, puny human

By Heartbroken cat owner - 07/12/2022 02:00

Today, I've realized my cat only comes into my room to stare out the window for like two or three minutes before leaving. I have insomnia, so I wouldn't mind having him nearby, but this is unfortunately the only time he wants nothing to do with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 135

He's a keeper

By Anonymous - 07/12/2022 00:00

Today, I met my ex, who told me he had something very important to tell me. I thought he was about to tell me that his girlfriend is pregnant (a fact I already knew). He told me that he still loves me and he'd never stopped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 918

You deserved it 136

Yaaaaaay!

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I saw a firework show. In my kitchen. When my stove blew up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 654

You deserved it 4 541

Dr Dolittle

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 18:00

Today, I went with my family to visit my aunt, who lives on a farm. My brother told me that cows are ticklish and convinced me to go up and tickle one of the cows. The cow clearly wasn’t a fan, and I ended up being chased right into a lake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 107

Life is unfair

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom - Northampton

Today, my son, who is on the autism spectrum, was given a detention at school because he called another child fat in response to being called a "fat Indian curry muncher". The other child got away with it because he started crying. Oh and afterwards he called my son dumb for getting detention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 036

You deserved it 162

Truth bomb

By toomuch2process - 06/12/2022 05:00 - United States

Today, I found out the truth about my and my siblings adoptions and why I have no contact with any extended family. Turns out our parents are half-siblings, who decided to adopt rather than risk any genetic anomalies. Their families didn’t approve of the relationship so they moved us far away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 997

You deserved it 102

Quack detector

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 12:00

Today, my sister-in-law told me that I might have to start drinking more herbal teas to calm my mind, but not the antidepressants that the psychiatrist prescribed for my PTSD. I already drink more tea than most people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 127

Giving and taking

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 10:00

Today, I’m so tired of being there for those who are not there for me. I have one car, you couldn’t pick me up from the mechanics so I wouldn’t need to sit there 6 hours? Yeah roomie, I’ll stop on way home to get your dog some chicken… FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 182

Lonely boy

By unloved - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my birthday, and the only person that called me was my boss. He wants me to cover his shift tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 101

You deserved it 3 135

One, two, three, four…

By Anonymous - 06/12/2022 00:00 - Canada

Today, I thought I was having a nice day at work, until I had a client who paid me $376 in rolls made of 0.05 and 0.10. It took me an hour to count. FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 107

Helter Skelter

By NeighboRingo - 05/12/2022 19:00 - United States

Today, I found out my upstairs neighbor is a drummer. He's actually quite good, so I didn't have the heart to report a noise complaint. That is, until he screamed Ringo Starr's infamous line, "I got blisters on my fingers!" at the top of his lungs after playing them too long. I would have laughed if it wasn't 2AM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 113

Cursed cursive

By Cursive Curse - 06/12/2022 00:00

Today, I realized I am one of those people who has trouble reading their own handwriting. It looks like someone trying to write in cursive when they don't even have the slightest idea what cursive writing even is. I do know what it is. I'm just very, very rusty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 283

Major red flag

By notpregnant - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Italy

Today, I woke up with a pillow under my t-shirt. Turns out my boyfriend wanted to "see if I would look hot even when pregnant". We've been dating for three weeks now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 981

You deserved it 5 371

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was denied food stamp assistance. Apparently, you need to work 20 hours a week while being a full time student to qualify or have a work study. I was recently suspended from my work study for calling off because my aunt died, and if I worked 20 hours a week, why would I need food stamps? FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 152

You deserved it 5 869

Today, a slightly older guy friend of mine told me that he thinks of me as a little sister. Immediately afterwards, he tried to make out with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 87

The Top

Today, I discovered that baking soda is not the same as Gold Bond powder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 1 117

Today, after my parent's forgot my 16th birthday, then rescheduled for two weeks later and forgot, fast forward to my 36th. My father, my husband, and my teen kids all forgot. I was told to relax and that they would make a cake, etc. No cake was made. Mom got me a food gift that I'm allergic to. It's been a few days. Forgotten again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 128

Today, as a natural science teacher, I was drawing a uterus on the class chalkboard. One of my students started messing around and being noisy, so I shouted, "Be quiet and check out my uterus!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 579

You deserved it 137

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 964

You deserved it 3 826

Today, I bought a new car, and before I left, the dealer offered to help me set up the sync. I agreed, but I really wish I'd remembered that my Bluetooth name is TitsMcGee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 731

You deserved it 27 749

Today, my teacher gave me a 0% on my personal narrative in my writing class. His only comment on the whole paper was, "Too long, didn't read." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 010

You deserved it 2 564