All the FMLs

Talk to me baby

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Norwalk

Today, I felt so lonely that I asked Siri to read me Wikipedia articles so that I could pretend I was having a conversation with a real human being. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 940

You deserved it 3 458

Grave error

By spyrogers1677 - 18/11/2022 00:00 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, at my job as a funeral director, I fell ass over heels into the grave in front of a hundred mourners and an unamused Catholic priest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 153

You know who you are

By Anonymous - 18/11/2022 04:00

Today, the way some people just pry into others' life is annoying me. I have very little patience for nosy people who imply and make assumptions about you based on very little information, then air it all out in a work environment. The anger I felt towards you, my coworker, oh my god. I know he noticed and I don't care. FML

I agree, your life sucks 529

You deserved it 355

Canadian or American?

By BIGMOUTHD00D - 18/11/2022 02:00

Today, there was a karaoke at my job's Thanksgiving party. A girl sang and sounded horrible. I later told a colleague about it and said, "She sucked so bad… if I wanted to hear an animal dying, I'd go to a slaughterhouse." She was within earshot and burst into tears. Oh, and she's my boss's daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202

You deserved it 1 655

Steady as she goes

By Slippin' - 17/11/2022 17:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I tried to walk on the sidewalk. Actually, it was so slippery that I had to shimmy across it. Then I shimmied too quickly and fell down. Now everything hurts. Maybe next time I should bring a sled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 626

You deserved it 143

Bad hair day

By jzappe - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I learned that it takes about half an hour to get melted cheese out of your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 340

You deserved it 6 124

Proselytizing

By Jax - 17/11/2022 18:00

Today, my daughter came home from school crying hysterically. Apparently, her teacher is a vegan douchebag who told the whole class, "If your family eats meat, they're eating your future!" Now she screams when we eat meat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 461

You deserved it 210

Alexa, play "Common People" by Pulp

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 16:00

Today, it’s been a few months since I moved into my first house and apparently I know nothing about being an actual adult. I keep getting everything wrong or messing up. I just want to move back in with my dad and pay him rent again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 765

You deserved it 476

WHO ARE YOU?

By Bamboozled - 17/11/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I almost got attacked by a dog. The dog that occupies the same house as I do. The reason? He didn't recognize me because - get this - I was wearing a beanie. A hat made me unrecognizable to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 174

Overdoing it

By Zill - 17/11/2022 10:00

Today, my girlfriend has become such a workaholic that I found her sitting in her office, soaked in piss. When I called her out, she said she didn't want to take bathroom breaks anymore, and asked me to buy diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 285

You deserved it 129

Thanks, I guess?

By hungry? - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Talbott

Today, some friends told me that my natural body odor smells like cooked beef and roasted onions. I'm disgustingly delicious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 136

You deserved it 4 577

Cats rule the world

By Food Dispenser - 17/11/2022 06:00

Today, for some reason, I suddenly started having convulsions all over my body. It lasted until my cat showed up and purred his heart out on my chest until it stopped. He then immediately demanded that I feed him. Apparently, according to my cat, my only reason for existing is to feed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 268

21st Century Schizoid Man

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 04:00

Today, my brother is refusing a life-saving blood transfusion, just in case the blood happens to be deliberately contaminated with a disease by the government to kill him, for knowing aliens secretly made Rishi Sunak Prime Minister. Yes, he’s off his meds again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 146

You deserved it 149

Timeshare

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 02:00

Today, my ex, who I still live with, invited he’s best friend (a drama starter) and his new love interest over for dinner while I was at work. Now I’m outside, waiting for them both to leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 790

You deserved it 329

Facebook weirdos

By Anonymous - 17/11/2022 00:00

Today, the new cute guy at work friended me, but when he saw all my posts about how I’m going to Australia in a week for a 2-year work study, he posted a sarcastic comment, then unfriended me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 827

You deserved it 166

Keep cool

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, I screamed, used one of my employees as a human shield, dove for cover, and cried. Why? A bat flew into my store. Bats scare me shitless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 523

You deserved it 10 153

Leftovers

By anon - 16/11/2022 18:00

Today, I went back to work after a nasty sinus infection. While I was talking to my manager, I sniffled, and a huge ropy string of green snot popped out of my nose. My manager pointed and shrieked, "OH MY GOD! EWWWW!", getting the attention of everyone in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 844

You deserved it 233

Well trained

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 16:00

Today, I paid for earrings at a craft fair. A kid came up from behind and started crying. The kid's mom said the kid saw earrings first and dropped them to grab an adult. The kid was allowed to cry hysterically until the hall went silent. I said, “You can have it.” Suddenly, the kid stops crying and the mom goes, “Oh that’s so kind, are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 306

You must obey

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 14:00

Today, my company decided to give me a second role, since I’m "the best performing candidate.” When I turned it down, they asked me to work half-time instead. I quit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 132

That one weird friend

By MsSmellyFeet - 16/11/2022 04:00 - United States - Bedford

Today, my friend and I went back to my house after a gym session. After I took my shoes and socks off in the foyer, I told her to wait while I brought some post-workout smoothies. I came back to find her sniffing my socks. She stared back at me for a bit, said, "Uh, catch ya later", and left with my socks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 873

You deserved it 137

Creepy dude

By janegeorge - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Canada - Kanata

Today, a guy called me out of the blue. Apparently, he'd copied my number from a sheet we'd filled out in church. He doesn't understand why I'm "overreacting". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 097

You deserved it 3 932

Healthcare is ******

By OldAndTired - 16/11/2022 06:00

Today, my pharmacy was unable to fill my prescription for the only drug that works for an excruciating condition that I have. Only one company makes the drug and it's backordered for three months. I have one week left and then I’ll be forced into withdrawal. Without the drug, my life will be a living hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 002

You deserved it 150

Tetchy

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 02:00

Today, my girlfriend is giving me the silent treatment because I won’t play Call of Duty with her brother. This kid loses his temper violently at family board games, how the fuck does she think he’ll react when he gets mercilessly wiped out by COD players who don’t give a toss about his feelings? FML

I agree, your life sucks 999

You deserved it 156

The trap

By I hate my life - 15/11/2022 18:00 - Indonesia

Today, I came into work late, tried to sneak in, but got caught by my supervisor. Usually I wake up at 7am, hit the road around 7.30, arrive at work before 8am. Today I woke up at 5am, thought that I could go back to sleep for 2 hours, I went back to bed. When I woke up, it was already 9am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 749

You deserved it 587

Get me out of here

By LemmeEscape - 15/11/2022 11:00 - United States - Kula

Today, I found the perfect job, which would help me escape my super toxic in-laws and marriage. I have all the educational and other qualifications for it, and it is a permanent well paying job with the government. Too bad the recruitment process takes years to complete, by which time I might've offed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 927

You deserved it 185

Life hacks for kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my daughter learned that if she rips a toy out of its package in front of a store employee, mommy will be forced to buy it. She now has two new toys today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 478

You deserved it 11 663

Ungrateful

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 18:00

Today, I did the whole 'rose petals, takeaway Chinese, favourite wine, and movie' thing. As soon as my wife got home, she said, “Great, now I have to sweep up rose petals, I’m not in the mood for Chinese, I was saving that wine, and I watched that movie last week.” I officially give up even trying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 282

Fools rush in

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 10:00 - United States - Utica

Today, after a shopping trip, I had the worst diarrhea attack and almost shat my pants before I could even get in the front door. By the time I could get the door open, it was taking all of my self-control to keep from shitting myself. I had to shit on the toilet with the front door and bathroom door wide open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 172

Why so serious?

By Cynic - 15/11/2022 07:00 - United States

Today, I've come to accept that no matter how black-and-white an issue is, someone will always side with the obviously wrong point of view and take themselves 100% seriously while doing it. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 650

You deserved it 427

Going too fast

By Anonymous - 15/11/2022 12:00

Today, I told my girlfriend I wanted to get married and have kids soon. She had a fit. Apparently it's creepy and freakish for a man to want a family, and it means I'm secretly a crazy religious fundamentalist. Huh? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 150

Keywords

Miscellaneous Neighbours Awkward Wanker Lonely Halloween Love Party Jealousy Family Argument Fight Animals Cats Parents Embarrassing Health Sports Shopping Medication Birds Anger issues Weddings Pranks TikTok YouTube Dogs Cute AITA Work

The Top

Today, I was yelled at by my ex's best friend and ex-partner. Long story short, I cheated and no, it wasn't right and wasn't a good thing to do, but now I'm being told he has the right to remind me everyday and make sure I never forget my mistakes, and that they are supposed to make sure I never fall out of line. FML

I agree, your life sucks 128

You deserved it 660

Today, I was walking down the street when I passed a construction site. All of the workers started making a fuss and whistling, etc. Naturally, I got very flustered. I stood still for a second and faced them. One yelled for me to move because I was in the way of a girl at a stop light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 007

You deserved it 14 245

The Top

Today, I spent my last $50 to get a ticket to take my daughter out for a nice birthday dinner tonight. It wasn't until after I purchased it that I realized the restaurant isn't even open on Mondays. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 916

You deserved it 5 577

Today, my boyfriend came over for the first time to meet my family. The night consisted of my sisters hiding in a tent and chasing us around in it, my parents singing songs from 'The Lion King' opera-style and throwing cheese at him. Pretty sure he's freaked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 501

You deserved it 4 359

Today, my mom once again yelled at me for "driving erratically". She texts while driving 70 miles per hour on the highway, but apparently driving through a yellow light is "reckless". FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 277

You deserved it 704

Today, a friend of mine was talking about how he'd spent over 30 hours on Call of Duty. I piped up and said "Oh yeah! Well I've spent well over 300 hours on Morrowind! Beat that!" To which he replied, "I've had sex. Beat that!" I couldn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 939

You deserved it 68 032

Today, I got food poisoning for the first time after cooking. Yesterday, I met my boyfriend's family for the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 380

You deserved it 288

Today, my daughter is engaged to her soon-to-be fifth husband. She's 32 and refuses to believe she's the problem in relationships, and she wants me to pay for this wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 997

You deserved it 198