All the FMLs

Never forget

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Bristol

Today, after my parent's forgot my 16th birthday, then rescheduled for two weeks later and forgot, fast forward to my 36th. My father, my husband, and my teen kids all forgot. I was told to relax and that they would make a cake, etc. No cake was made. Mom got me a food gift that I'm allergic to. It's been a few days. Forgotten again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 128

Don't hold back

By You asked... - 17/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, a friend of mine asked me to proofread her essay. "Don't hold back," she said. I took a look at it. It looked like it was written by a third grader, and she's in college. After spending a huge amount of time marking all of her mistakes, I gave it back. She got upset at me for being "extremely critical." FML

I agree, your life sucks 490

You deserved it 78

Hey how are you?

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I came home early to surprise my wife. No, it's not what you're thinking: I didn't find her cheating on me. She wasn't even home, but my dad was. He'd used his spare key and was on my sofa, drinking my beer, and watching my TV. The first words out of his mouth? "Your beer's shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 216

You deserved it 4 359

And you may ask yourself, "Where is that large automobile?"

By gus98 - 17/08/2024 07:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I went outside and walked to my car, only to see someone had hit and run my car while it was parked. My insurance company deemed my car a total loss. The person who did this never got caught. FML

I agree, your life sucks 470

You deserved it 92

Ill prepared

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Stockton

Today, I have a friend who I’m scared is going to become a nurse. She didn’t even know that morning sickness can last all day and that “morning” sickness is just its name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 140

It's a gas gas gas

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 00:00 - Canada - Kamloops

Today, my pug farted so much that I thought there was an actual gas leak. I kept checking the oven and making sure our C02 detector had batteries before I heard a squeaky fart come from my dog. Don't get a pug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 328

All heil!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my company released its yearly magazine and I was in the background of a picture directing men around the site. It was the worst photograph I’ve ever seen. It managed to make me look like Hitler with an exposed belly, including the moustache and the salute, and I don’t even have a moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 107

It's probably for the best

By Serire - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 573

You deserved it 5 312

Kinda bizarre

By @SamAnderson - 16/08/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my 17 year-old son has been using his phone on the toilet. Every time he poops, he takes his phone to the bathroom. Why does he need his phone to use the bathroom? He uses the toilet with his phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 563

Meddling

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 01:30 - India

Today, after I tried to help my friend bust his cheating girlfriend, he seems to still trust her, so now my office friends think I'm a bigmouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 323

You deserved it 176

Oddly specific

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, while planning for my wedding, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. He is my "one", and it’s still so hard to move on. Now I’m marrying someone for stability for my kids, not love, and it is the worst feeling. My heart will forever be in Harrisonville Missouri. He deserves the world, not Texas rain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 1 111

Back 2 school

By christine brown - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got suspended for bringing a "hazardous weapon" to school. They were earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 102

You deserved it 3 805

Bad boy

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 16:00 - Canada

Today, I was walking my dog when we passed by a group of teenagers. My social anxiety urged me to appear like a cool, confident adult, so I threw a stick for my dog to fetch, expecting him to dash off as usual. Instead, he sat down and stared at me like I was crazy. One of the kids said, “He’s got more sense than you.” My dog barked in agreement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 435

Extra protein

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 05:00 - United States - Roseburg

Today, I cooked pork chops on my wok that had been hanging on the pot hangers without rinsing it off. Just when I was about to eat, I saw a fried up spider. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82

You deserved it 519

Play that Blink 182 song

By Mommys boy - 16/08/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize that said, "I miss you." Assuming it was my mom and her new phone, I replied, "Miss you too, love you!" Turns out it was my new boss, checking to see if I’d be able to work an extra shift. Even though it was her text that was badly worded, I'm now known as the person who declared her love to the boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 381

Is everything OK?

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my son was so hungover at his wedding that he fell asleep standing at the altar and fell over onto his pregnant wife, knocking her backwards onto the floor. What should have been a happy occasion turned into a farce as we rushed her to hospital to check the baby was OK. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 124

Brain fog

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I walked out of the grocery store, loaded my bags into my car, then sat in the driver’s seat. I tried to start the engine, but the key wouldn’t turn. That’s when I noticed the child’s seat in the back, which I don’t have. I was in the wrong car, and the owner was standing outside, laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 407

You deserved it 190

Teamwork

By eventer1919 - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rice Lake

Today, I was asked to cover work for someone because they have volleyball practice. Apparently, they haven't noticed that we've been on the same team for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 398

You deserved it 1 889

Age gap

By YoungBlood - 16/08/2024 08:00 - Australia

Today, I found out that when my mum had introduced me to her boyfriend, it was right before his birthday, so she'd rounded his age up. For two years I thought he was seven and a half years older than me, when really he's actually six and a half years older. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 352

Not woke

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was woken up by my phone alarm blaring at full volume. I grabbed it to hit snooze, but in my half-asleep state, I accidentally threw it across the room. It hit the wall, bounced off, and landed in my fish tank. My fish is fine. My phone is not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 541

Are you OK?

By anon - 15/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my phone rang during a meeting. I quickly silenced it, and put it in my pocket. A few minutes later, my boss’s phone rang. It was me, butt-dialing him while we were sitting in the same room. He answered and asked if I had something urgent to discuss. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 391

Say it, don't spray it

By grossedout - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was helping an old lady at my job. While I was in mid-sentence, she coughed wet phlegm directly into my mouth. It tasted vile and caused me to have a panic attack while working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 390

You deserved it 3 125

Like spinning plates

By Neill - 15/08/2024 10:00 - United States

Today, my ex-girlfriend broke up with me once again after getting back together for two weeks. Just two weeks earlier, I was seeing a girl. I'd ended things with her to mend things with my ex. I hit the girl up on Facebook to ask her out. She now has a boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 957

Thanks, I think?

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I received a package at work. Thinking it was something I ordered, I opened it in front of my coworkers. It was a gift from my grandmother: a giant pink, “I Love My Grandson” T-shirt. The worst part? They insisted I put it on and take a picture to send to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 300

You deserved it 279

Desperate

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I wish there were easier ways to make money online. I can’t bring myself to do OnlyFans or things of that nature, but I’m getting desperate. My mother only helps my male sibling, as I should just have all my shit together because I’m a woman. I don't know what the fuck to do. I’m in a workers' compensation case with no pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 126

Haste

By JulieFromMars - 15/08/2024 09:00 - Ireland - Galway

Today, I was running late for work and I was carrying my stuff to my car, handbag over my shoulder, laptop in one hand, and my coffee in the other. As I tried to unlock my car, I spilt the coffee all over myself, the car, and my laptop. Now, I’m sticky, wet, and my laptop won't turn on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 250

Attempted good deed

By Anonymous - 15/08/2024 06:00 - United States - Portland

Today, I saw a woman who I thought was pregnant on the bus. Trying to be nice, I offered her my seat and congratulated her. She wasn't pregnant, just holding a large bag of groceries. The entire bus heard me and the death glare she gave could’ve turned me to stone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 492

Get out

By pissed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I got offered an interview for a job after months of unemployment. It's a three-month contract, three hours away from where we live. My boyfriend's reaction was to tell me to move out and take our hamster with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 308

You deserved it 1 239

I'm woke now

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 23:00

Today, my cat woke me up a few minutes before my alarm, so I got up, had a pee, brushed my teeth, got dressed, went downstairs and fed her, started to make a coffee, and glanced at my phone clock. IT'S ONLY 01:30 IN THE FRICKING MORNING, MY ALARM DOESN’T GO OFF FOR ANOTHER 5 HOURS! DAMN CAT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 476

This is fine

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, during a silent exam, my stomach made the loudest, most embarrassing growling noise possible. It was so loud that the professor looked up and some people in the room turned to look at me. The girl next to me offered me a granola bar, and I accepted, even though the growl was actually me desperately holding in a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 104

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Public freakouts Fight Neighbours Cops Drugs Medication Animals Dogs Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, I was chatting with a co-worker, and she mentioned she has trouble swallowing pills. I replied that I'm lucky, because I have next to no gag reflex. Half the guys at the other registers abruptly went silent, and I'm now being constantly hit on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 199

You deserved it 17 042

Ahoy ship's boys and girls ! Today we're heading to France. Be ready to face rain, storm and beer because Lille is welcoming us, and believe me, it's not Los Angeles. Do you all have your raincoats? -Bonjour ! First of all, present yourself ma jol...

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 16

The Top

Today, I found out what it feels like to have a cow take a large, flatulent shit with my arm still elbow-deep inside their rectum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 787

You deserved it 837

Today, my boyfriend told me he watched True Life I'm Pregnant. Now I know why we haven't been having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 521

You deserved it 3 331

Today, an hour into a family road trip, my mother informed me that she didn't put my suitcase in the car because it "didn't fit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 865

You deserved it 2 078

Today, the sweetest thing my boyfriend ever told me was that I'd make a good porn star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 633

You deserved it 8 640

Today, I had an interview with IBM. For a week I did extensive research and preparation for the interview. At first the interview was going really well. I was hitting all the marks. Then just as a final casual question she asked with a smile "What does IBM stand for?". I didn't know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 424

You deserved it 26 529

Today, my mom told me she is serving lasagna and Italian cream cake at my bridal shower. I'm severely lactose intolerant, which I have been telling her for years. She responded by telling me, and I quote, "The food is for the guests." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 319

You deserved it 298