All the FMLs

How could you, Human?

By I'm a dumbass - 27/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I closed my bedroom door before I went to work this morning so my cat wouldn't chew on the cords in there. When I got back, I couldn't find my other cat anywhere. I went to my bedroom and heard her yelling. She was in there, stuck there all morning and afternoon. Oops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 117

You deserved it 422

Morning joe

By Christine.T - 27/08/2024 06:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I stopped at the coffee shop before work and confidently ordered "my usual." The barista looked confused but nodded. When my drink came, it was completely wrong. Turns out, I was in the wrong coffee shop. I was too embarrassed to correct them, so I drank a weird matcha-pumpkin spice sludge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 757

Barter off!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got an email from a local company looking to have a website made. I looked over their request and provided them with a reasonable offer. I got an email back stating that they would like to pay me with liquor instead of money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 553

You deserved it 4 346

Gold digger

By Anonymous - 27/08/2024 00:00 - France - Lyon

Today, my boyfriend send me a text to inform me that his mother had told him that I was only with him for his money, which he got from his dad's will… even though we were already together at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 66

THAT guy

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 21:00

Today, my crush, who has turned me down in the past, actually gave me the “Why can’t I find a decent guy like you?” speech. That’s it, I’m officially THAT guy, I’m just that pathetic. I’d happily never see her again after this, except we live on the same street and work in the same building. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 156

Stacy's Mom

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. It turns out the one day, long before I met my girlfriend, I had a one-night stand with her mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 247

Bitter

By superb12345 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Cascade

Today, my parents posted nasty comments about each other on Facebook. I think they might secretly be 12 year-olds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 723

You deserved it 1 006

Father figure

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom - Dartford

Today, I realised my step-kids never really thought of me as their dad, given that since their mother died 7 months ago, they haven’t visited me once, don’t respond to texts, or answer when I phone them. I’ve been totally abandoned by them, even though I’ve been their stepdad over 25 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 839

You deserved it 94

Support act

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for my entire childhood, my parents made me play the piano until I gave in and just learned to enjoy it somehow. Now, I actually have an opportunity to play professionally, and what did my parents say? “Don’t bother, musicians hardly ever make good money. Get a real job instead.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 557

You deserved it 71

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I was at my usual grocery store when an elderly lady smiled at me and said, "It's so nice to see a young person not obsessed with their appearance." I was dressed in sweats, I hadn't showered, and hadn't brushed my hair. I’m not sure if I should be flattered or insulted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 351

Heftychonker

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend's cat adores me. I can't sit down without her jumping on my lap and purring. The cat is also overweight, with very sharp claws, and likes to knead on my legs. My legs look like I lost a fight with a thorn bush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 110

Take it up with HR

By Anonymous - 26/08/2024 16:00 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I got fired for failing a drug test for weed. My boss is the one who sells me weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 581

Keeping up appearances

By vanessax - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Crown Point

Today, my seven-year-old told me to lose weight. Her reason? There's a family fun day coming up at her school and she is embarrassed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 556

You deserved it 23 437

Sounds like an FML commenter

By Megan M - 25/08/2024 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me. I was extremely devastated, and was crying in my room. My mom told me that it’s not a reason to cry. Apparently, “There’s people out there without anything to eat, nowhere to live, and people dying of cancer - that’s a REAL reason to cry.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 578

You deserved it 143

Agony

By Megan Stevens - 26/08/2024 08:00 - New Zealand - Lower Hutt

Today, I got told by the doctor that my aching knees indeed have advanced arthritis, meaning I'm grinding bone on bone 24/7. At 49, I'm "relatively young," meaning they want me to survive for as many years as I can before they'll replace them. Never mind that I've already been in agony for 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 75

Classic combo

By Bad day - 25/08/2024 13:00 - United States

Today, I had quite the long and busy day at work. Also today, the AC in my workplace decided to go on vacation. I was sweating and about to pass out by the end of it. Then, as I was walking home, I got pooped on by a bird. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 75

Snitch

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got fired from my job. My manager found Facebook pictures of me drinking underage at a party. He said he didn't want "that kind of image" associated with the business. It was his birthday party. He supplied the booze. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 617

You deserved it 20 688

Kevin REALIZES he's LITERALLY not going home [GRAPHIC]

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I carpooled with my boss for the first time. To avoid any small talk, which makes me really anxious, I turned on my Spotify. Unfortunately, I forgot I'd been listening to a true crime podcast the night before. We spent the next 15 minutes listening to a gruesome murder description before I realized it. My boss looked horrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 489

Anger management issues, sir?

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I yelled at my girlfriend because I thought she'd thrown away an important form I needed to fill out. I found it a few minutes later, just stuck to the back of another piece of paper. After apologizing for getting mad, all she said was, "I'm used to it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 1 089

Reluctant teambuilding

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, during a Zoom meeting, five out of the six attendees claimed their cameras were broken and were audio only. I get that Zoom meetings suck but come up with a better excuse than that, or just say you prefer to be audio only, Jesus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 402

Unintentional insult

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 09:00 - Slovenia

Today, I work at an IT company where we hand out laptops to our users, which we also equip with passwords. I used bird names from my language for the passwords. Turns out one of the passwords was a derogatory word for a woman who is very sexually active, because it's spelled the same as a type of bird here. FML

I agree, your life sucks 371

You deserved it 121

Orienteering with Napalm Death

By Anonymous - 25/08/2024 05:00

Today, after my husband got in an argument with our neighbour and decided to build a fence, he got a surveyor to mark the boundary. It’s not where we thought it was, and his temper has cost us over half of what we thought was our garden. My vegetable garden and half of my Koi pond are on their side now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 226

You deserved it 590

Wardrobe malfunction

By Unknown - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I decided to wear a tight, long-sleeved shirt that showed off my body. As I was trying to roll up my sleeves, I realized how tight the shirt really was. It wouldn't budge past my elbow, and I tugged so hard I ended up punching myself in the eye. I now have a swollen, black and blue eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 792

You deserved it 37 386

Body issues

By JeremySayz - 25/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was in an elevator with a coworker I barely know. My stomach thought that it was time to remind me I hadn’t eaten breakfast. It growled like a dying whale, and my coworker gave me a concerned look. To make it worse, the elevator got stuck for five minutes. We stood in awkward silence, with my stomach making noises the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 112

Experimenting

By anon - 24/08/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I found a recipe online that looked delicious and not too complicated. Halfway through cooking, I realized I was reading the instructions for two different recipes and had combined them into one horrific dish. The resulting meal tasted like burnt cardboard mixed with regret. My girlfriend ended up ordering takeout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 469

Chilling

By BondingTime - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Saint Paul

Today, I was babysitting my nephew and we decided to color together. He drew a picture of someone who looked dead, almost zombie-like, while everyone else looked pretty normal. When I asked who it was, he said in a serious, scary voice, "It's you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 364

You deserved it 4 206

How does that happen?

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 16:00 - Australia

Today, I started a home workout routine by following a YouTube video that promised "beginner-friendly" exercises. While attempting a lunge, I lost my balance, fell forward, and knocked over my TV. The TV fell onto my yoga mat, breaking both. Now I have no motivation and no TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 214

You deserved it 341

What happened?

By Someonethrowmeabone - 24/08/2024 08:00 - United States - New York

Today, I'd finally found a decent job after months of unemployment, I'd even got my kids into after-school care for my job. They'd told me they could handle my autistic son. I got them back at the end of the day today and they said not to bring them back. What the hell do I do now? FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 97

It's not what you think!

By Paula - 24/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was walking to work when I noticed a cute guy ahead of me. He turned into every single street that I needed to take, and I started to worry he might think I was following him. Just as I was about to overtake him and prove I wasn't a creep, he turned into the building where I work. He's the new intern. Now I have to avoid eye contact for the rest of my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 278

You deserved it 225

My body, my choice

By Anonymous - 24/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, when I left for work, my girlfriend had gorgeous, very long (down to her hips), dark red hair. When I came home from work, her head was shaved. I asked her why she did it, and all she said was, "I just got tired of taking care of it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 359

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Embarrassing Awkward Health Love Am I overreacting? Relationship advice Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Friends Gross Fight Public freakouts Drugs Neighbours Cops Medication Dogs Animals Teenagers Ironic

The Top

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 341

You deserved it 3 784

Today, my husband filed for divorce. He also put himself “In a relationship” with my daughter on Facebook. She turned 18 a few days ago. He says it’s no big deal because, “at least I waited until she was legal.” The spineless idiot just doesn’t get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 087

You deserved it 160

The Top

Today, my dad sat me down for the sex talk, except it wasn't really a talk, but rather him making me watch a hardcore porn video with him as he commented on what the actors were doing. I had to listen to all this and ignore his obvious erection for almost an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 192

You deserved it 5 876

Today, I'm over a 1000 miles away from my wife, and she's so upset and angry with me that she doesn't want me to touch her anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 711

You deserved it 221

Today, my sister, who used to be my best friend, texted me asking why we never talk anymore. Hmm, maybe it’s because she stopped answering my calls, texts, carrier pigeons, smoke signals, psychic reachings, and every other form of communication since she got a new boyfriend six months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 145

Today, my daughter wore my favorite Christmas sweater to an ugly sweater party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 865

You deserved it 9 619

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 13 436

Today, I went on a blind date at a restaurant. While looking at the menu, my date said "Who even likes kweetch? Gross." When I realized she was trying to say "quiche", I corrected her. That pissed her off. Now I'm at home, alone, trying to decide which hand is going to keep me company tonight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 216

You deserved it 7 663