All the FMLs

Extreme hangover

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 18:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I woke up after I had gotten shitfaced, and tossed out of bars by bouncers several times. I even had pictures of my face circulated to other bars not to be served. I then met a woman I almost smoked crack with, and spent the rest of the night following her while she asked random homeless people for free crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 895

The fear

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I was going through my Facebook feed when I saw a post of a man being wheeled to the emergency room with a spider stuck in their ear. The post has me scared enough to want to sleep with earplugs. I'm a 37 year-old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 287

You deserved it 135

I don't belong here

By Biker - 20/08/2024 20:00 - Germany

Today, I met a "nice guy." Unfortunately, he called himself that after following me on his bike for one and a half hours in the opposite direction of where he was supposed to be going, just to "coincidentally" meet me again. Get lost, you fucking creep! FML

I agree, your life sucks 489

You deserved it 65

Let em in

By Kerrilyn - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was waiting in the car while my mom went into a store to get beer. A few minutes later, some guy was knocking on my window, telling me to open the door. I started cursing him out, thinking I was getting attacked. Turns out he worked there and was putting the beer in the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 160

You deserved it 55 341

Treat yourself day

By anon - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 108

Perfect 10

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was alone at work after everyone had gone home and started practicing my "cool" walk for a date I was going on after leaving the office. As I was strutting around, the doors of a conference room opened to a group of my coworkers, including my boss. They hadn't all gone home, and they'd seen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 590

It's never a mannequin

By I heart Kevin from JTL - 20/08/2024 12:00 - Canada - Port Colborne

Today, I was watching a crime drama with my parents. During a tense moment, I casually said, "Oh, I know how to hide a body." They both stared at me in horror, and I had to explain that I meant from watching too many true crime videos on YouTube, not from actual experience. FML

I agree, your life sucks 147

You deserved it 355

No thanks

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Yorktown

Today, after being repeatedly talked into meeting my mother and grandmother for lunch, when they were done they tried to convince me to let my grandmother move into my house, for the second time in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 63

Send transcripts!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 22:06 - Canada - Regina

Today, I found out it’s the 40th anniversary of a show I loved as a kid. It ended with a cliffhanger and I was always left wondering. Turns out there was a crowdfunded audio book with the actors five years ago. They’re all sold out and it’s impossible to get. Guess I’ll never know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 150

seanthered tells us more.

seanthered 3

Tuesday 20 August 2024 3:38

From the BBC - Robin of Sherwood

Miserable parenting style

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my mom was going to take me shopping to buy a gift for my dad’s birthday, but unfortunately, I missed a spot while cleaning the kitchen. Now my mom is “embarrassed to be seen with me in public” and will buy my dad nothing, and tell him it’s because I don’t love him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 54

Double standard

By hurikan68 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I requested two hours off for tomorrow afternoon. My supervisor and manager called me into the office to talk to me about how important it is to be in the office as much as possible. A little later, my supervisor told me that for budgeting reasons, I have to take 3 non-paid days off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 096

You deserved it 2 773

Back to school

By This generation is lost! - 19/08/2024 15:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, it’s only the first week of school and already I’ve confiscated five vapes, ended makeup tutorials along with full pallets and contour kits, broken up three fist fights, and had to remind the class of the importance of keeping one’s clothes on during school. I teach fourth grade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 479

You deserved it 53

No ragrets

By Isabel - 19/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I showed my new tattoo to my friends. It's supposed to be a deep, philosophical quote in Latin, symbolizing strength and resilience. My friend, who happens to be fluent in Latin, started laughing hysterically. Turns out, it actually says, "You are dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 651

Leonardo syndrome

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 14:00 - United States - Savannah

Today, my boyfriend, who is 10 years older than me, told me that he never wanted to get married and that he felt bad for wasting all of my time, and he just "doesn't want the responsibility of being in a relationship." After 12 years. I just found out he's dating a younger girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 93

Don't do drugs, kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 939

You deserved it 3 587

Cheapskate

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to tell my daughter that the gold wedding ring her fiancé gave her as proof he was serious about the wedding is actually just a brass compression ring, worth less than a quid. She refuses to believe me, because I’ve never liked him. I’m a plumber; I know a brass ring when I see one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 73

Demon work

By Anonymous - 19/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I texted my boss to tell him that I'd be late because of a dentist appointment. Auto-correct decided to change "dentist" to "exorcist." So, I ended up sending, "Sorry, I’ll be late today. I have an exorcist appointment." My boss's reply was, "Take all the time you need." Now he looks at me like I’m possessed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 280

You deserved it 300

Purple haze

By Not a good sign - 18/08/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my mom has fibromyalgia. Besides chronic pain, another common symptom of this is frequent brain fog. I realized just how bad it can be today when she asked ME, with complete seriousness, "How old am I?" I thought I'd misheard, but nope - that's exactly what she said. This is more of an FML for her, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 436

You deserved it 75

No good deed…

By Pierce - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was with my 14 year-old son when we saw a baby sparrow being attacked by four or five blackbirds. We rushed up, waving our arms and scared away the much bigger attackers. The baby sparrow ran toward us for protection, then went past both of us, and ran straight down a storm sewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 211

You deserved it 4 570

**** me, I guess

By Anonymous - 18/08/2024 18:00 - United States - Richmond

Today, after months of my girlfriend crying about cockroaches, I finally called and paid for an exterminator. Now she's furious at me for "making decisions for her" and she keeps pointing out that, since she owns the house, what I did was technically illegal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 552

You deserved it 125

Pumpkin spice season is coming

By Chris - 18/08/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 400

You shouldn't have

By Anonymous - 18/08/2024 20:00 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend gave me a surprise gift. I was so excited until I opened it. It was the same exact sweater I bought for him last month, but in my size. He said, “I knew you liked it, so I got one for you too!” He didn’t remember that I already own one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 365

You deserved it 138

Big baby

By pansypup - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Rio Rancho

Today, I discovered that my 100-pound Rottweiler is absolutely terrified of (drumroll please) orange peels. Yup. A byproduct of my lunch will turn this hulking monolith with teeth into a whimpering puddle of pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 065

You deserved it 2 326

Ouch…

By Istilllovehim - 18/08/2024 10:00 - United States - Hampton

Today, my boyfriend told me that he becomes a boring version of himself whenever we are together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 148

Social battery

By Invisible - 18/08/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I got overwhelmed at a family reunion, so I did an Irish exit. There were only about 15 people there, but it wasn't until at least an hour after I got home that people realized I wasn't there anymore. Shows how much I matter to them, I guess. FML

I agree, your life sucks 165

You deserved it 469

Guitar hero

By Jammy Handtricks - 18/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to impress a girl I like by showing off my guitar skills at a party. I'd hyped it up all night. When I finally started playing, I’d forgotten most of the chords and lyrics to the song, and ended up just strumming "Wonderwall" while humming off-key. She left halfway through the "performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 51

You deserved it 791

Occam's razor

By Lolololo - 18/08/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, I called tech support because my new computer wasn’t turning on. After a long while on the phone, they finally asked if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. I spent way too long troubleshooting with a dead device because I never plugged it into the outlet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 666

Entitled to personal attacks

By Fuck you asshole! - 17/08/2024 21:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I was told that I was an “entitled snowflake.” I'd mentioned that after 5+ years of cancer treatment and over a dozen surgeries, I still have some physical limitations. I literally almost died but still managed to finish school and change careers, but yeah, I’m entitled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 103

Do it on company time

By Ayeya - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I wanted to print out a 100-page game strategy guide using company's printer. While not wanting anyone to find out about this, I picked a time when I thought no one would be printing. My CEO ended up standing next to me for 10 minutes, waiting for his stuff to print after mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 861

You deserved it 74 938

Interference

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 18:00 - Canada - L'Assomption

Today, I found out that my "I don't care about boy problems" friend decided it would be a great idea to talk to my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend about me. My ex was the one who told me. He thought I'd asked my friend to do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 110

Keywords

Miscellaneous Relatable Awkward Embarrassing Health Relationship advice Am I overreacting? Love Work Weird AITA Dating Sleep Annoying Parents Mental health Furniture Kids Gross Friends Public freakouts Fight Cops Drugs Neighbours Medication Teenagers Dogs Animals Gamers

The Top

Today, I left something in my boss's office. The door was closed which usually means she isn't in there, so I asked her coworker/friend for the key. When I opened the door, she screamed at me to get out of there. Turns out, she has just stopped breastfeeding her son and was pumping her breasts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 434

You deserved it 21 178

Good morning guys! Today's interview has been done in some extreme circumstances. It was about 36° Celsius, and half of the Completely Serious Comics crew was working while the other one was cooking. Well, it was a bit crazy as you can imagine. So m...

I agree, your life sucks 18

You deserved it 17

The Top

Today, I joined a new choir. My director asked me if my best friend was actually my girlfriend. Taken aback, I said no, I was not a lesbian. He then asked me to clarify my gender. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 201

You deserved it 4 847

Today, I gave birth, but my husband was late and got here just in time to cut the cord. He was hung over after celebrating his impending fatherhood all night. He missed the cord twice, cut it, then fell over, and wound up in the bed next to mine, with a hydrating IV and a bashed head where he hit it on the baby's cot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 132

You deserved it 191

Today, my sister insisted on taking a picture of her plate of pasta “to show her friends what an unworthy family we are”. It was only after she put a candle on her plate that we realized we forgot her birthday. All of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 509

You deserved it 1 221

Today, HR sent a review email to me asking me to anonymously tell them about my boss. I decided to use this opportunity to tell them what a dick he was. I printed off the review, filled it out, then scanned and emailed it to myself. Or so I thought. Turns out I'd sent the review to my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 478

You deserved it 18 706

Today, my boyfriend and I were out shopping. As he was trying on shirts, I told him that the particular shirt he was wearing looked ugly. He turned around, sighed, and said "You think? Well, your face is ugly, but you don't see me complaining about it." He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 976

You deserved it 10 361

Today, I decided to start my exercise video routine. It's an African dance workout DVD. Just as I felt confident and motivated about getting in shape, I realized that my window was wide open and my neighbors were getting a front row seat to me waving my arms in the air like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 966

You deserved it 26 279