All the FMLs

What a cult

By not the same thing! - 12/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, I had an argument with my husband. I’m a stay at home mom with a six, three, and one year-old. He insisted that we homeschool, so I literally never get a break. When I told him I need people to talk to, he replied, "Why? You talk to the kids all day!” God forbid I should interact with other adults. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 195

Stay awake

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 15:10

Today, I read an article about how sleeping on your stomach makes you look older. That's the only way I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 204

Keeping it in the family

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 15:01 - Jordan - Amman

Today, my dad tried to hook me up with someone. It wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't my cousin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 85

Kinda sus, dude

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 11:00

Today, I found ladies knee-high socks that weren't mine. I don't even own a pair of knee-high socks. After bickering back and forth with my boyfriend, he said, "Actually now that you mention it, I thought they were yours and I put them there." FML

I agree, your life sucks 815

You deserved it 91

The planets made me do it

By c…… - 12/10/2021 08:00

Today, my sister wrecked my car, then blamed it on, "Mercury being in retrograde." FML

I agree, your life sucks 944

You deserved it 72

Great birthday

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 23:00 - United States - Cicero

Today, I bought my boyfriend two concert tickets for his birthday to see our favorite band, and he told me he doesn't feel he loves me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 958

You deserved it 96

Genetic test

By Anonymous - 12/10/2021 02:00

Today, it's not fair: I’ve seen my twin brother drink 2 full bottles of whiskey without getting more than tipsy, then go to work the next day completely fine on only 2 hours sleep, meanwhile I get completely trashed if I have more than 3 normal pints and take days to recover from the hangover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 330

Not helping

By StillUnemployed - 11/10/2021 20:00

Today, I received a call from a potential employer. I was excited, until my roommate starts loudly moaning sexually in the background. The interviewer got offended and hung up. My roommate did it because I "made her" pay my half of the rent this month. FYI, I’m unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 212

You deserved it 202

How d'you like them apples?

By an Apple a day my ass! - 11/10/2021 08:00 - United States

Today, in an effort to curb my drinking, I’ve tried eating an apple whenever I got the urge, which worked wonderfully for a couple of days, until the sudden influx of fiber in my diet caused me to violently shit myself miles from home. I was wearing shorts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 270

You deserved it 254

Welcome!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went over to welcome this new couple to our subdivision with a bottle of wine and muffins. I told them I liked what they were doing with the place, then asked them when they had moved in. They replied, "Two years ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 535

You deserved it 38 363

Stewart Lee has let himself go

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 14:00

Today, my wife informed me that she hates having sex with me, and only married me because I was dark, trim, and handsome, but now I'm just gray, fat, and soon to be single. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 236

You deserved it 139

Stay mad

By shut mouth - 11/10/2021 02:01 - United States

Today, my mother is upset that I won’t share things with her anymore. This is the woman who spent my entire childhood gossiping about every teeny tiny detail of my life, and used my suicide attempt as a way to garner pity for herself. Yeah, no thanks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 129

Compromises

By DepressionBetty - 11/10/2021 08:00

Today, I realized I agreed to go to the gym with my fiancé after being on my feet at work all day because he wants to get fit, but he will not help me remodel the house I’m working on so we can have a bigger place to live, because he doesn’t feel like it. I don’t want or need to go to the gym. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 060

You deserved it 337

Dysfunctional

By Anonymous - 11/10/2021 05:00 - Germany - Norden

Today, health insurance is supposed to take care of your health. Or that’s what I thought. Mine is currently pushing me towards suicide, by repeatedly asking for money I don’t have, for an insurance I don’t want, because they don’t pay for anything that actually helps me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 309

You deserved it 164

Huge balls

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 19:04 - United States

Today, I had to pick up my son from school because he was constantly talking about his "Giant pen." In mid-July, I got him a giant-sized pen (writing utensil) and he liked it very much. Apparently, one of the teachers had their mind in the gutter and thought he was talking about… you know what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 296

You deserved it 147

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 15:00 - Mexico - Lagos De Moreno

Today, I went out with two new friends. While we were talking, they said that their mother had called them to go home. Later on, I saw them in the main square, hanging out. I wasn't creepy or disrespectful, and I don't know why they did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 027

You deserved it 127

Hopefully…

By dinkley7 - 10/10/2021 20:01

Today, I was told to go fuck myself twice because I asked people to wear masks. Only a month and a half of this left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 329

Best day of my life

By poorgirl - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my dad threw up on my dress. My wedding dress. While he was walking me down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 329

You deserved it 3 510

They're back, baby!

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 14:01

Today, I went to go get a haircut. I asked for layers and bangs. She gave me a mullet. My job requires me to be in court on a regular basis and to look professional. I didn't realize mullets were professional. FML

I agree, your life sucks 949

You deserved it 131

Proud boy

By Spaghetto - 10/10/2021 05:00 - United States

Today, I had an argument with my brother after discovering his new Confederate flag tattoo. His main response was, "It's about heritage, not hate!" We're third generation Italians from New Jersey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 155

You deserved it 157

Road hog

By DanJames24 - 10/10/2021 07:00 - United Kingdom - Rochdale

Today, a girl seemed to be tailgating me while I was driving home. I ended up letting her past as I didn’t like it, so I pulled into the next petrol station. She did too, so I thought I’d ask her why she was tailgating me. She asked what I was going to do about it, before kneeing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 232

You deserved it 250

Simple pleasures

By juggalo2 - 10/10/2021 05:00

Today, at work, I overrode the limit on my forklift, allowing me to carry four pallets instead of two. Then I was able to place them all within a ten-foot radius, giving a massive boost to my efficiency. My excitement faded when I realized that was actually the high point of my day/week/month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 078

You deserved it 295

Consolation prize

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 11:00 - Australia - Bairnsdale

Today, I realised my bestie ditched me for her best friend, which was fine because it's her first. But then I found out she's been hanging out with other new friends and never once thought to hit me up, until I messaged her about feeling sad we hadn't hung out in a while because of the pandemic. Guess it wasn't just the pandemic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 153

Time to run

By Anonymous - 10/10/2021 08:01 - Australia - Vermont

Today, while out shopping, my fiancé started talking to a cashier in a flirty manner as if I wasn't there, and casually referred to me as his housemate. I felt my heart break, but I'm too weak to bring it up with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 068

You deserved it 666

Classic cat

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 19:58 - Germany - Norden

Today, our cat wrote me a story: "This is where I caught a mouse. This is where I ate the mouse. This is where I puked the mouse." Unfortunately, she wrote it as a graphic novel on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 978

You deserved it 156

Stop calling

By Anonymous - 09/10/2021 23:02 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I've changed my number twice already. When I asked why the insurance agent gave my contact details away without my consent, she replied, "But he seemed so concerned about you!" I suddenly wish there was a serial killer list I can upload her personal information to. Not that I'll actually do it, but fuck you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 124

Blasphemy

By IAMALITAHA - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Newcastle Upon Tyne

Today, I had a job interview where I was interrupted for using the word creative because there is "only one creator". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 260

You deserved it 4 619

Grossed out

By Jodi Sanford - 09/10/2021 11:01

Today, I asked my roommate to spit in the toilet instead of the sink so I wouldn't have to touch it. When I rinsed the sink after brushing my teeth, he said, "Why would you touch the sink? It’s gross." FML

I agree, your life sucks 671

You deserved it 311

Charming

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 23:00 - Trinidad and Tobago

Today, my chunky boyfriend told me that he'd be less attracted to me if I gained weight. I have low self-esteem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 014

You deserved it 163

Growing old

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 19:00 - United States - Steele

Today, I'm officially stumped as to whether my mom has early-onset dementia, or if she just has plain bad memory. I've considered having her get tested, but I shudder to think that the person who brought me into this world won't recognize me in about two years if I'm right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 054

You deserved it 119

Keywords

AITA Awkward First Dates Love Cute Dogs Animals Am I overreacting? Alcohol Relatable Food Health Thanksgiving Politics Family Holidays Miscellaneous Transportation Cars Sex Intimacy Cheating Suspicious Contraception Poopoo peepee Kids Gross Accident Gifts Birthday

The Top

Today, I took my friend to the E.R. for an eye infection. While waiting, I proclaimed, "Why, Jesus?!" jokingly. Well, the gigantic biker sitting next to me, who had found religion in prison and is a born again Christian, was not pleased. He spent the next four hours trying to convert me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 569

You deserved it 19 251

Today, as I was walking home, three burly men suddenly began to approach me. Thinking they were going to mug me, I reached for my pocketknife and said, "Stay away, I have a knife." Turns out they just wanted directions to an ice cream shop for their daughters, who were now bawling their eyes out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 057

You deserved it 55 282

The Top

Today, my dad and I went fishing. We both got a bite, but when we went to reel it in, both our hooks were in the catfish's mouth. He pushed me in the mud and took my hook out its mouth so he could say he caught it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 661

You deserved it 231

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 201

You deserved it 5 344

Today, I tried to go to the gym, but I ended up watching cat videos on YouTube for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 137

You deserved it 39 421

Today, I discovered my elderly neighbour likes to roam around his yard naked and wash his balls with the sprinkler. I'm never going to grab a snack in my kitchen again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 896

You deserved it 2 729

Today, I was having a good talk with a coworker and I was excited that I've made my first friend at work. After sharing some stories and some laughs he asked if I had a boyfriend. I said I do. He asked if I was always faithful, I said I was. He then walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 566

You deserved it 4 636

Today, my soon-to-be former boss tried to NOT pay me for working on Christmas Eve, but I called her out. Now, she's blocked me out of her life, and is looking for my replacement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 062

You deserved it 144