All the FMLs

Hi, as the author I just wanted to clear this up. I'm not cold or heartless, but I forgot my Oyster card (what you need to get a bus home in England) and had given my last bit of change for the tip! I was hugely embarrassed as I always tip (although not mandatory in Britain as in America; mostly because American staff are for more helpful and nice). However, as I do go there fairly often, I will obviously tip more next time!

By kb - 10/01/2015 14:35 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I accidentally sent my teacher a picture of me in my boyfriend's boxers instead of my essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 699

You deserved it 22 312

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 13:45 - United States

Today, my fiancée got married. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 791

You deserved it 3 445

By dylerbiller - 10/01/2015 07:00 - United States

Today, three weeks after my sister took in a wounded porcupine from our backyard and let it roam about the house, I learned that it sheds quills from time to time. How did I learn this? By stepping on three of said quills hidden in the carpet. I still have only managed to pull one out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 634

You deserved it 2 756

dylerbiller tells us more.

dylerbiller 18

Monday 12 January 2015 9:05

Hi everyone. OP here. Hopefully I can clear things up for some people. The reason we didn't take "porky" to the animal shelter right away was because the closest one was a three hour drive away. He is there now safe and sound and I went to the doctors and got the other two quills removed. I actually posted this FML while in the Urgent Care waiting room for those of you who were wondering why I would go on here right after all this happening. Well, that's about it. My foot is a bit sore and I have vacuumed the floor 7 times just to be safe. But I'm alright. Thanks for all the support!

By Anonymous - 10/01/2015 03:41 - United States - Houston

Today, I found my intoxicated step-father in our back yard trying to domesticate a stray opossum, attempting to give it steak and malt liquor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 552

You deserved it 2 461

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 21:17 - United States - Santa Fe

Today, I went to work and said hi to my boss. He reached towards me. I thought he was trying to give me a hug, so I awkwardly hugged him back. Turned out he was just trying to fix my shirt collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 187

You deserved it 4 485

Low blow

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 20:16 - United States

Today, I tried baking my own bread to save food money. Unfortunately I screwed it up, prompting my wife to look at me pityingly and say "Wow, can't get even bread to rise." before walking out. I have erectile dysfunction, and she constantly insults me like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 856

You deserved it 3 975

By je suis christy - 09/01/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 938

You deserved it 3 144

By Anonymous - 09/01/2015 16:30 - United States - Kansas City

Today, after paying a job coach a load of money for his services, pretty much the only advice he gave me was "Send out more résumés." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 209

You deserved it 5 015

By sayhey22 - 09/01/2015 15:33 - United States - Sullivan

Today, my boyfriend bought a new toaster. It not only pops up the bread when done, it also beeps loudly. It makes me scream in terror every single time. My boyfriend has now vowed to "Toast 'til the end of time." It's going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 148

You deserved it 4 472

sayhey22 tells us more.

sayhey22 19

Saturday 10 January 2015 0:52

It almost sounds like a broken fire alarm. It's a sketchy sound haha. I've progressed to just jumping when it happens

By ohdearyme - 09/01/2015 12:06 - United Kingdom - Guildford

Today, I found out my boyfriend was on a dating website. He came up as an ideal match for my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 444

You deserved it 3 119

By swimfaned - 09/01/2015 11:43 - United States

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she's afraid of my ex-wife. This is the third one in a row to use that very reason. The judge still won't accept my pleas for a restraining order. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 265

You deserved it 2 701

By notahero - 09/01/2015 04:40 - United States - Brentwood

Today, my boss told me she had a nightmare where her life depended on me, and I let her die. Now I'm ridiculously paranoid that I'm going to get fired at any second. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 329

You deserved it 2 622

By licensed_ginger - 08/01/2015 18:44 - United States - Barberton

Today, my boyfriend told me he didn't feel attractive. I tried to cheer him up by telling him that I find him very attractive, and so do my friends. He said that didn't matter, because my friends and I aren't attractive either. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 478

You deserved it 4 360

By exuberant_orange - 08/01/2015 15:56 - United States - Fort Myers

Today, a girl from class screamed at me in public for hugging the guy she likes. She threatened to take me out if I didn't "back off". That guy is my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 229

You deserved it 2 611

exuberant_orange tells us more.

exuberant_orange 17

Friday 9 January 2015 6:18

Hey OP here, it's awesome this got posted! Follow up for some people with questions: This girl came to my school while I was out on sick leave, so being she was in the same class as the BF and I; she got to know him before I came back. He told her he was taken but apparently since I wasn't actually there this didn't phase her. The boyfriend is rather creeped by this girl's psycho tendencies, and has tried to avoid her the entire time I was gone, when I came back we figured she would see us together and drop the crush. This backfired apparently. XD Anyhow my boyfriend and I found her and talked to her later and tried to calmly explain that we were together. She was quiet long enough for us to finish. She mostly seemed really embarrassed and actually apologized! Hopefully she'll stop sending me poisonous looks now. :p But all is (for the most part) well now. Thanks everyone!

By bailey_biz - 08/01/2015 12:52 - United States - Seneca Falls

Today, the dry skin on my feet has gotten so bad that my boyfriend uses my feet to itch his legs when we're cuddling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 545

You deserved it 21 938

bailey_biz tells us more.

bailey_biz 5

Friday 9 January 2015 1:30

Hey, OP here. I lotion my feet multiple times a day. I also work at a place that requires me to constantly be on my feet. It's not like I don't try to fix it. I've had it for a long time now, I even have my own pedicure instruments and sugar scrub, but it doesn't help get my feet 100% smooth.

By random - 08/01/2015 05:24 - United States - Arvada

Today, my sister and I got stuck in an airport elevator. We were separated from our friends, missed our flight and had to walk two hours to find our gate. On the bright side, we ended up having a pleasant talk with an Air Marshal on why we were "stalking people". FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 505

You deserved it 2 881