All the FMLs

By mdg41 - 22/01/2015 17:55 - United States - Belvidere

Today, I called a suicide prevention hotline. The guy who picked up sounded drunk, told me to fuck off, and hung up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 535

You deserved it 3 731

mdg41 tells us more.

mdg41 2

Tuesday 4 August 2015 23:11

Hi I posted this. Thanks for all the support!! I was in a really bad place when I posted this but I've been talking to a professional and got on medication and I'm really improving. All your comments really helped too. I didn't call the wrong number, I called back and asked someone else for a supervisor and he said he'd look into it. Never heard anything back from him though. I just hope the asshole that told me to **** off didn't drive anybody else over the edge :

By unsuspectingmom - 22/01/2015 11:32 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I made a joke that my boyfriend was going to end up sending me into premature labor. Later, I went into labor for real. My boyfriend thought I was faking and refused to take me to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 765

You deserved it 8 355

unsuspectingmom tells us more.

unsuspectingmom 5

Friday 23 January 2015 5:10

Baby was 3 weeks before term, but is doing fine. Sophia Grace, 7 lbs 2 oz

By burningman - 22/01/2015 10:40 - Germany - Darmstadt

Today, a homeless guy tried to light my hair on fire with a match at the bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 975

You deserved it 2 683

By shifala - 22/01/2015 09:02 - Philippines - Caloocan

Today, I was riding my bike to work in a hurry and hit a pothole. I flew off and hit the ground hard. I was badly shaken, but an old lady came over, checked me out and helped me to my feet. After she left the scene, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet while "helping" me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 059

You deserved it 3 191

By Anonymous - 22/01/2015 06:41 - United States - Suwanee

Today, I caught my girlfriend Googling how to uninstall Siri. I asked why she wanted to do that, and she said, "I don't like it. I don't like how the slut talks to you." I get the feeling I'll need a gun when I break up with this crazy fucker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 467

You deserved it 5 540

By 1415926 - 22/01/2015 05:22 - United States

Today, I got a large envelope from a college I applied to earlier. My mom, expecting big news, made my family gather round as I opened it. It ended up being a letter of rejection from not just that school, but all three campuses of the state college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 269

You deserved it 2 777

By The Ugly One - 22/01/2015 02:17 - United States

Today, my professor was doing roll-call. As usual, she didn't say my name because it's so close to the person before me. So to differentiate, she decided she would call the girl before me "the pretty one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 226

You deserved it 2 586

By kana__ - 21/01/2015 16:26 - Japan

Today, my sister got her retouched wedding photos. Apparently one of the things she had the professional do was edit me out of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 300

You deserved it 2 656

People of Walmart

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 14:34 - United States

Today, at Walmart, a crazy old woman bitched me out for being pregnant. She kept following me around, calling me a stupid teen slut and saying she hoped my baby died so I could live a "normal life." I'm 26 and just very short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 974

You deserved it 2 710

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 11:57 - United States - Howell

Today, I babysat an 11 year old kid while his parents ate out. As soon as they left, the kid asked me if I wanted to be on the sex offender's list. Before I could even process that, he told me to stay out of his way and he wouldn't accuse me of anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 824

You deserved it 2 652

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 05:34

Today, I did my first night of open-mic standup. The first 5 minutes went badly, but I don't know if it got any better afterwards, because a drunk audience member climbed up on stage and knocked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 338

You deserved it 3 982

By Anonymous - 21/01/2015 04:29 - United States - Bentonville

Today, thinking he was being so hilarious, my friend slipped me enough laxatives to make a horse shit its intestines out. I haven't been able to move from the toilet for over an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 999

You deserved it 2 891

By frozenpoo - 21/01/2015 02:05 - United States

Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 657

You deserved it 5 020

By kingkobrastrikes - 21/01/2015 01:56 - United States

Today, I was asleep and snored so loud that I woke myself up. I was at work and I am now the laughing stock of the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 517

You deserved it 20 534

By M. Night Shytefuck - 20/01/2015 22:52 - United States - Plattsmouth

Today, I handed my boss my 2 weeks' notice. 20 minutes later, I was doing my work alone in the very cold basement of the building. My boss claimed it was a routine relocation planned months in advance. It's going to be a long 2 weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 393

You deserved it 2 806

By Anonymous - 20/01/2015 20:24 - United States - Baton Rouge

Today, I spent a half hour trying to help my cat down after he got stuck in the tree on my lawn. I finally gave up and called a local tree care company to help. When I returned outside, I found my cat casually walking about by the door. The guy who showed up to help was not happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 877

You deserved it 5 514

Foot in mouth

By FootInMouth - 20/01/2015 19:16 - South Africa

Today, I made fun of a friend at a dinner party after he forgot to put his engagement ring on. It turned out his fiancée actually ended the engagement last week, and everyone thinks I was being spiteful just because the girl is my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 290

You deserved it 9 291

By mybfthecrossdresser - 20/01/2015 15:08 - Australia - Scarborough

Today, I found out my boyfriend dresses in my underwear and tights, takes suggestive shots of his ass and legs, and uses them to trick people into thinking he's a girl so they buy him stuff in his online games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 934

You deserved it 4 002

By klaatu barada nikto - 20/01/2015 13:23 - United States - Des Moines

Today, at the soup kitchen I volunteer at, a guy called the food crap and threatened to shove his bowl up my ass if I didn't give him something better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 227

You deserved it 2 693

By Anonymous - 20/01/2015 11:04 - Australia - Blacktown

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 933

You deserved it 4 277

By iamamermaid - 20/01/2015 06:14 - United States - Hemet

Today, I decided to use an at-home waxing kit for the first time to get rid of the hair on my upper lip. After experiencing the trauma of waxing, I fell asleep. A few hours later, I woke up to see that I now have acne everywhere I had waxed. I have an acne mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 030

You deserved it 4 788

Gullible's travels

By Anonymous - 20/01/2015 00:45 - Australia - Sydney

Today, my 15 year-old sister asked which animal rice comes from. She believed every word when my mum told her it's harvested from tiny cows in Asia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 579

You deserved it 2 798

Snafu

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 23:58

Today, while on my driving test, the guy told me to pull over and do a U-turn. A few minutes later, he asked me to do another one. After the test, he said I'd failed because the second U-turn was illegal, and I should have refused to comply. I didn't know they're even allowed do that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 690

You deserved it 5 572

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 22:07 - Canada - Brampton

Today, while walking to work, I sneezed so violently that I slipped on a patch of ice and hit the ground hard, badly spraining my shoulder. I lay there in agony as a pair of bystanders just stood there, laughing their asses off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 629

You deserved it 3 130

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 17:17 - United States - Cuyahoga Falls

Today, I mixed up my chapstick and cork grease. Now my clarinet smells like cherries, and my lips smell like a gym floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 456

You deserved it 7 225

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 14:34 - United States - Lewiston

Today, I sat my son down for the sex talk. By the time it was over, he'd corrected me on several factual errors and told me what felching is. Now I remember why I never wanted kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 680

You deserved it 7 564

By Anonymous - 19/01/2015 13:35 - Australia

Today, I met my boyfriend's best friend. She was a girl he's known for years, and I respected that. She was sweet, until my boyfriend went to the bathroom and she threatened to stab me if I don't leave him. He doesn't believe me, and accused me of having serious jealousy issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 006

You deserved it 2 917

By Halcyon_Sancta - 19/01/2015 13:05 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend when I began dozing off. I was then awoken by an explosive fart. It was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 769

You deserved it 5 533

Halcyon_Sancta tells us more.

Halcyon_Sancta 12

Thursday 5 March 2015 10:26

Hi, op here. Just so you guys know, the fart didn't kill my boyfriend. And now we fart around each other all the time. It's hilarious. Also- I know heteronormativity is a thing, but we're both men.

By momac86 - 19/01/2015 06:34 - United States

Today, I lost a sewing needle in the carpet. No worries, my big toe found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 178

You deserved it 4 219