All the FMLs

By anonymous - 09/10/2014 22:09 - United States - San Francisco

Today, while arriving to a date for the first time in a couple years, the first thing out of his mouth was, "I'm only dressed up because I had court today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 321

You deserved it 3 973

By peak4u - 09/10/2014 21:42 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I was walking down the street holding my boyfriend's hand, when a seemingly sweet old man said to him, "Hey, you've got to hold her hand properly". I asked him to show me what properly meant. He licked my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 555

You deserved it 5 877

peak4u tells us more.

peak4u 10

Friday 10 October 2014 23:21

Hi everyone, some of your comments truly made me laugh. But more importantly I'm concerned for those of you who cannot understand why I'd talk to a seemingly friendly old man when I'm in the company of my boyfriend, it's just common decency my dears. My boyfriend and I have a really strong relationship and we love to annoy each other for fun, he took it jokingly but pretended to be mad at me for a minute but then proceeded to hand me some hand sanitiser ... No harm done.

By gonesofast - 09/10/2014 17:53 - United States - Quincy

Today, as I was about to leave home for my first sweet taste of freedom at my new apartment, my car died. I'm stuck here for at least the weekend and can look forward to my mom driving me to work. Freedom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 199

You deserved it 2 918

By idonthaveauserna - 09/10/2014 16:48 - United Kingdom - Nelson

Today, my boyfriend admitted than he's been using Febreze instead of showering for the past month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 233

You deserved it 4 885

idonthaveauserna_fml tells us more.

idonthaveauserna_fml 2

Friday 10 October 2014 18:04

OP here- It's a long distance relationship, he told me over Skype. I can confirm that he HAS had a (long) shower now.

By Sleepy - 09/10/2014 14:10 - United Kingdom - Hayes

Today, I fell asleep at my desk. It's bad enough that it was for 45 minutes and that I was snoring. What makes it worse? My boss woke me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 005

You deserved it 15 666

By bees - 09/10/2014 06:51 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I was mowing my grandma's lawn when I was suddenly swarmed by bees. When my grandma saw me covered in stings later on, she said, "Oh yeah, there are tons of bees in the grass! Be careful!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 064

You deserved it 2 711

By Anonymous - 09/10/2014 02:13 - United States - Winter Park

Today, I started at a new school. It's a pretty great school, but there's only one problem: Everybody thinks I'm a teacher. I'm only a freshman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 049

You deserved it 3 408

By thenegatives - 09/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 704

You deserved it 4 333

By xRyu - 09/10/2014 00:30 - United States - Denver

Today, I found out via a voicemail from my boss that my hours are being cut. He said, "They said I can't fire you, so you'll only be getting 20 hours a week. Starting today." Who'd they give my other 20 hours to? The one person that calls off sick almost daily and is never on time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 224

You deserved it 2 846

By allergic_to_bull - 08/10/2014 18:48 - United States - West Palm Beach

Today, I attended an assembly regarding senior graduation. The assistant principal told us to look to the left and right of us, because those people would be our friends for the rest of our lives. I was the only one in the entire row. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 524

You deserved it 4 260

Hard knock life

By rockytrolley - 08/10/2014 09:01 - Cyprus

Today, my taxi driver kept falling asleep and swerving off the road, so I asked him if he was okay. He stopped and burst out sobbing about the long hours he had to do after his divorce, and his wife taking all he had. Long story short, I ended up driving him home and getting another taxi from his place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 495

You deserved it 3 693

By queenmeme - 08/10/2014 06:02 - United States - Redlands

Today, I showed my mom a picture of a baby sloth. She then said, "Wait, sloths are real?" She thought Ice Age made them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 366

You deserved it 3 734

Who else can relate?

By waternixie - 08/10/2014 03:49 - Malaysia - Rembau

Today, my OCD reached a new high when I used a correction pen to white-out an eyelash which was photocopied onto every single page of my reading material. I did it because the eyelash was too distracting and I couldn't finish reading the article without the urge to rip it into shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 201

You deserved it 5 354

By Anonymous - 08/10/2014 03:15 - United States - San Diego

Today, my co-worker spent the afternoon taking online personality quizzes and messaging everyone the results. She was particularly proud of one which told her she was a hard-working overachiever. My boss walked by just as the message for that one popped up and I got in trouble for slacking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 427

You deserved it 2 936

By NotDarkKnight - 08/10/2014 00:46 - United States - Barnesville

Today, a day after being informed that keeping my wallet in my front pocket was "strange", my wallet was stolen from my back pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 608

You deserved it 5 719

NotDarkKnight tells us more.

NotDarkKnight 27

Friday 10 October 2014 3:18

OP here. The person that told me that is was 'strange' is a friend of mine, so I dont think it was him. I didnt switch pockets because of his comment, but I just wanted to change it up a bit. Another friend found my wallet and returned it. I'm 15, so I don't have any money anyways...

By epic174 - 07/10/2014 22:15 - United States

Today, my sister told me about her upcoming trip to Mexico. I asked her how she was going to do anything without knowing any Spanish. She told me she's "just going to read their lips". FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 365

You deserved it 2 807

By wtfmom - 07/10/2014 21:10 - United States - Clanton

Today, I told my mom that I got into National Honor Society and Beta Club. Most parents are proud but not her. She told me to get a job and that she was tired of my school shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 405

You deserved it 2 881

By Anonymous - 07/10/2014 16:06 - United States

Today, my little sister decided the best way to cheat on a test is to take someone else's test, scratch through their name in pencil, and write her name underneath. She starts high school next semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 201

You deserved it 3 364

By whywouldyoudothat - 07/10/2014 01:14 - United States - Kingman

Today, while on vacation, my parents called to inform me that my best friend had died in a car accident. Why? To trick me into tearfully confessing my love for him. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 445

You deserved it 4 843

2019x tells us more.

2019x 5

Wednesday 8 October 2014 2:38

Are you gay?

By thanks babe - 06/10/2014 23:47 - United Kingdom - Bridgnorth

Today, I told my boyfriend about how I was a test tube baby. He looked at me with confusion before asking, "But if scientists made you, surely you'd be really attractive and talented and stuff?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 056

You deserved it 4 617

By Anonymous - 06/10/2014 23:41 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was giving my boyfriend a massage. I guess I hit the spot, because he muttered, "Please marry me" into the pillow. Considering we've been going out for years and had spoken about marriage before, I stopped in my tracks. He stammered, "Oh, I mean... Not like that. Will you keep going?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 883

You deserved it 4 559

By thenewgirl - 06/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, my boyfriend and I were wondering whose extra spare key was on the counter when we came home. Turns out it's his ex's and she returned it, while neither of us were home. We're still taking inventory to see what's missing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 089

You deserved it 3 893

By SaintGoobers - 06/10/2014 20:24 - United States - Cambridge

Today, my loving five-year-old daughter started singing Christmas carols again. Ones that she made up herself, of course. Including "Walking in a fucking wonderland" and "Rudolph the red nosed asshole". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 405

You deserved it 10 371

SaintGoobers tells us more.

SaintGoobers 19

Wednesday 8 October 2014 14:59

Hey Buddy, this is the first time Ady has ever cussed, or at least with me viewing it. She claims that her Father was singing the songs so she thought she would sing with him. I will be talking to her dad! Lol.

By kittenfish8903 - 06/10/2014 19:46 - United States

Today, while cuddling in bed with my drunk boyfriend, he kissed me softly then told me under no circumstances would he ever marry me. Then kissed me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 347

You deserved it 4 684