All the FMLs

By mr1234 - 05/03/2014 21:37 - United States - North Weymouth

Today, every "entry level" job in my field is now requiring 2-5 years experience. I don't think they understand what "entry level" actually means. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 836

You deserved it 3 376

mr1234 tells us more.

mr1234 6

Friday 7 March 2014 1:32

Thanks for the support and encouragement everyone, it's nice to know that I wasn't totally degraded for something that's been extremely frustrating. I'm very lucky the currently have a full time job (A supervisory position, at 24, as a woman!). And for those wondering, my field is business administration. i have a Bachelor's degree and plenty of legitimate work experience, just not experience that is directly related to what they want. so *whoosh* in the trash goes my resume!

By Mojo0608 - 05/03/2014 16:11 - United Kingdom - Twickenham

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 602

You deserved it 6 086

Mojo0608 tells us more.

Mojo0608 26

Thursday 6 March 2014 8:40

So I've never really been one for fake nails and I used to play the violin so I kept them as short as possible which is a habit I've kept. They aren't that long really (nowhere near claw length), so when my mum asked I thought it wouldn't be a problem. Um, yeah... No... I'm still on the toilet... Well not really, but I'm going to try getting these off as soon as I can, they're just weird to me. I think my mother will "nail" the exam, thanks for the puns and sympathy! :)

By rolypoly - 05/03/2014 12:33 - United Kingdom

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

I agree, your life sucks 71 508

You deserved it 5 643

Well played

By anonymous - 05/03/2014 05:43 - United States - League City

Today, my mom came into my room, yelling at me about a pregnancy test that she found in my bathroom. My mom wouldn't believe me when I said it wasn't mine. Turns out my sister bought the test, threw it under my bathroom cabinet, and now she won't admit to the prank. She thinks this is hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 376

You deserved it 3 640

By augiedd - 05/03/2014 02:46 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, after weeks of summoning up the courage to come out of the closet to my best friend, I told her I was gay. Immediately after she started cracking up, thinking it was a joke. I was so confused and nervous, I went along with it. She still thinks I'm straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 827

You deserved it 7 459

By Drizztreri - 05/03/2014 00:09 - United States - Imperial

Today, my mother asked me why her new airsoft gun wasn't working. I explained to her that it doesn't actually shoot air, it requires pellets too. She looked at me like I was too stupid to be her son. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 787

You deserved it 3 319

By cubs44fan - 04/03/2014 23:25 - United States - Indianapolis

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 450

You deserved it 6 149

By meandme - 04/03/2014 22:55 - Canada - Fort Vermilion

Today, I saw a kid getting bullied; a girl was hitting him in the head. After having an inner struggle with what to do, I tried to stop them. Both kids then turned on me, and called me a "hippo". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 700

You deserved it 4 450

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 21:06 - Norway - Nesoddtangen

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 858

You deserved it 4 879

By fuck you, jack - 04/03/2014 20:44 - United States - Peabody

Today, I got home late from work, so I decided to make myself a microwave meal. I pierced the plastic film several times. A little too loudly for my hateful bastard of a neighbor, I guess, because he called the cops on me, claiming he heard gunshots from my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 252

You deserved it 3 303

By kenzamee - 04/03/2014 14:39 - United States - Sherwood

Today, I left a message for a potential employer. It wasn't until after I'd hung up that I realized I'd given them their own phone number to call me back at. Not getting that job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 601

You deserved it 9 710

kenzamee tells us more.

kenzamee 13

Thursday 6 March 2014 6:42

I called them back! It was just a funny and embarrassing mistake. Interview next week!

By :/ - 04/03/2014 13:37

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 544

You deserved it 4 691

By Staying Home Today - 04/03/2014 12:25 - United States - Severn

Today, my driver's-side door was so frozen that the locking mechanism wouldn't move. My passenger-side door's lock worked, but the door itself wouldn't budge. The door handle on the other hand, budged quite well. It budged right off its hinges. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 948

You deserved it 3 787

By booksandshadows - 04/03/2014 09:06 - United States - San Diego

Today, while walking through Wal-Mart I noticed a cute employee. With a sudden burst of confidence, I walked right up to him, intending to ask for his number. Instead, I looked him in the eye and said, "Excuse me sir, how much do you know about bedsheets?" and then ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 672

You deserved it 12 657

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:40 - United States - Riverview

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 911

You deserved it 5 926

By Anonymous - 04/03/2014 04:12 - United States - Woodland

Today, my mom left the house in the morning, leaving me alone. I called and I got no answer. Hours later, she finally answers one of my calls and tells me that she'd been in an AA meeting all this time. Happy, I tell her to come home. She came home drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 161

You deserved it 3 216

By Biologyfacepalm - 03/03/2014 19:58 - United States

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 703

You deserved it 4 923

By Anonymous - 03/03/2014 16:30

Today, my roommate pranked me by putting blue food coloring in the shower head. I have class in 20 minutes and look like a smurf. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 833

You deserved it 4 053

By adopted - 03/03/2014 15:55 - United States - New York

Today, I decided it was time to tell my daughter that she had been adopted. Not only had she known for 5 years, she found out from my drunk sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 455

You deserved it 8 581

By FMLkoala - 03/03/2014 07:43 - Australia - Auburn

Today, it seems to have got to the point where I take fleas off my cat so often that I now have dreams about finding the biggest and most perfect flea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 894

You deserved it 10 164

FMLkoala tells us more.

FMLkoala 28

Tuesday 4 March 2014 6:02

Hi op here, for all of you guys telling me to use flea medicines and all that, I have tried everything and they don't seem to come off and it really "bugs" me. It all happened after I got a dog so yea I'll keep on trying. On the bright side they are happy dreams.

By get me out of this house! - 03/03/2014 06:12 - United States

Today, my grandma begins her second week of unemployment. So far, she has paced outside my door, randomly comes into my room, and I woke up this morning to find a bible on my bed. I now look forward to going to work every day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 585

You deserved it 3 627

By ealovan - 03/03/2014 05:18 - United States - Des Moines

Today, I have exactly 204 snowflakes saved onto my computer, all of which I made on this snowflake-making website. This is what my life has come to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 930

You deserved it 9 684

By AlwaysAwkward - 03/03/2014 02:30 - United States - Strongsville

Today, I got my first massage. At the end, the masseuse made a gesture indicating which way the exit was. After having had her hands all over my body for the past hour, I thought the gesture was indicative of a goodbye hug. Things got awkward really fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 390

You deserved it 9 038

By kitty91 - 03/03/2014 01:14 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while, but I had heard she was pregnant. I rubbed her belly and asked when she was due. She slowly backed away, giving me a weird look and said, "Two months ago." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 826

You deserved it 19 766

kitty91_fml tells us more.

kitty91_fml 7

Tuesday 4 March 2014 10:08

Why does everyone just assume we're not close friends? She's actually one of my best friends. I hadn't seen her in a while because I was out of the country and I knew she would be ok with me rubbing her belly because with her first pregnancy she always wanted me to touch her belly. It would've been awkward if she hadn't burst out laughing. We ended laughing so hard at my stupidity that we cried.

By Anonytard - 02/03/2014 22:38 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I tried to kill a spider by throwing a shoe at it. All it did was slice the spider's egg sac open, releasing all its babies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 704

You deserved it 15 127

Quite the catch

By Ms. Piggy - 02/03/2014 19:09 - United States - Clarksville

Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 523

You deserved it 7 540

By ouch - 02/03/2014 08:44 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 507

You deserved it 7 289

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 02/03/2014 05:03 - United States

Today, I set up a small social gathering for a few friends. One of them didn't have a ride, so the others, who'd already shown up, went to go give him a ride. After no sign of them for a whole hour, I called to see what was wrong. They went out to eat and completely forgot about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 214

You deserved it 4 360

By hbbbs - 02/03/2014 00:58 - United States - Palm Desert

Today, I was babysitting my 4-year-old cousin. She scraped her knee, and in an attempt to cheer her up, I put a refrigerator box over my head and waddled around like a penguin. She stopped crying, but only after I fell down a flight of tile stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 336

You deserved it 11 359

hbbbs tells us more.

hbbbs 10

Sunday 2 March 2014 16:04

Hello! I'm the OP. Just to confirm, I didn't get any major injuries (just a bruised butt!) Also, -didn't put box on the cousin because she's too short, so she wouldn't be able to walk in it -didn't realize the stairs because when the box was on, I couldn't see, so I seemed to have lost my sense of perception Anyway, thanks for all the "hope your not hurt"-ish comments! ♡

By SarahNB - 01/03/2014 21:09 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, after paying at the gas station, the cashier stuck out her hand, which was clenched into a fist. I thought she wanted a fist-bump, so I gave her one. She just stared back at me. Turns out she was just trying to give me my change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 062

You deserved it 16 607