Awkward

Self-soothing

By FingerBang - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, whilst holding a hand rail on a packed bus, I was rubbing my hand along, and playing with, what I thought was a join in the metal. It was an old woman's finger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 292

You deserved it 34 707

When nature calls…

By Anonymous - 23/10/2022 22:00 - Australia

Today, I got the strong urge to pee right as I got home from work. In my hurry to get inside, I grabbed my keys out of my pocket. They flew out of my hand, into the bushes. I couldn't find them in time and ended up wetting myself in my driveway, three minutes before I had to pick my daughter up from school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 186

Family Guy

By Shocked - 24/10/2022 02:00

Today, I came home from work and the first thing I saw was the cops taking my stepfather away. My brother came out, crying and bruised. My stepfather beat him up after he demanded my brother to "get over pops's death and say that I'm your father now." Needless to say, my brother refused. He's 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 336

You deserved it 93

Timing matters

By efff my life. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me while I was driving her to a surprise party where I was going to propose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 127

You deserved it 4 425

Love in the time of Facebook

By StillAlone - 23/10/2022 06:00

Today, I noticed my ex had unblocked me on Facebook. Since I still miss her and haven't been able to find love since our breakup, I sent her a friend request, thinking maybe she was leaving the door open for me, and we could reconcile. Apparently I was wrong because she promptly blocked me again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 288

You deserved it 1 678

About last night…

By Couch Potato - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my girlfriend got mad at me because I slept on the couch last night. She also seems to have forgotten that we had an argument last night, after which she stormed into our bedroom and locked me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 629

You deserved it 3 281

Easy mistake to make

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 14:00

Today, I saw a bird almost get run over in the middle of the road, so I stopped the traffic to go rescue it. It was an Adidas slide. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 800

I'm bad at confrontation

By Trippy Penguin - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I accidentally forgot my glasses in a store bathroom. When I finally noticed, I went back to find that someone was wearing them as he was walking out of the store. I didn't have the balls to call him out on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 181

You deserved it 48 145

Dodged a bullet

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 04:00

Today, I went through the stuff that I'd left at my ex’s place and started unpacking it. I found a pair of another girl's panties. We broke up a little over a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 761

You deserved it 163

Dumbest cheater

By Anonymous - 21/10/2022 06:00

Today, and for the last few weeks, I'd let the nagging feeling that my boyfriend was up to something go. It's also the day I found his messages to other girls on Xbox Live of all things. On a profile that we both share. FML

I agree, your life sucks 962

You deserved it 137

Welcome…

By Brenden - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Massillon

Today, my new neighbor moved in. Because she was fairly young, I offered to mow her grass whenever it needed cut. Her dad then tried to start a fight with me because he thought it was sexual come-on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 942

You deserved it 7 303

Bad boy

By Pythagoras_is_from_Mars - 20/10/2022 03:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, it's my first day on dating apps in a long time. I have a prominent facial scar from a car accident that happened a long time ago. All the girls that contact me want to hear stories of dangerous behavior and jealous exes. I'm a small town high school math teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 114

Bad time

By idk - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Alexandria

Today, I saw the hottest nurse ever. Too bad he was pulling out a piece of wax the size of a raisin from my blocked ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 764

You deserved it 8 457

A night to remember

By Jo. - 20/10/2022 02:00

Today, it was my 21st birthday. My roommate insisted her friend join us. They both got belligerently drunk while I was pretty sober. We ended the night at 12am with her friend violently sobbing at the bar over her boyfriend, while I played Subway Surfers. Yay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 149

No means no

By Anonymous - 19/10/2022 22:00

Today, I got beat up at the bar. Why? I politely rejected a guy's sexual advances, so he turned to physical intimidation. I'm a soft-spoken 5'6 straight male. I've been ghosted by every woman I've talked to in the past two years. The only attention I've gotten is from men who can't take no for an answer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 094

You deserved it 120

Overreaction much?

By whyyyyyyyy - 19/10/2022 12:00

Today, after a long dry spell, my girlfriend started coming on to me in the living room early in the morning. Just as things were getting good, her toddler rushed in. Now she's crying in her room, and he won't stop sobbing and asking, "Why was your wee-wee in Mommy's mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 392

NPC dialogue tree

By ImRaisingADumie - 18/10/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, my son thinks that we’re becoming a dictatorship with a tyrannical government, all because "Kanye West is being attacked for exercising his first amendment rights." I had to explain to him that hate speech is inappropriate, no matter what the Bill of Rights says. He replied, “Facts over feelings.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 861

Asshat invasion

By TackyApparently - 18/10/2022 04:00

Today, the block where I work had mandatory all-storefront works. I had to be there. The workers asked me for my ladder, cord extensions, driller, complained for 4 hours, and didn't clean after them. Now they're in front of my shop, loudly mocking my looks and clothes, I can hear them through the door. Nice day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 789

You deserved it 128

Lonely boy

By Corey - 17/10/2022 18:00 - United States - Darien

Today, it's been two years since I won a romantic dinner for two from a work raffle. It's been two years and I still haven't found anyone to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 853

You deserved it 130

Today, on Dr Phil…

By anon - 17/10/2022 22:00

Today, it's been a week since my girlfriend committed suicide. Everyone keeps telling me how sad they are for me. The truth is, she was an abusive piece of shit and I'm happy to be free, but my family and friends loved her and I can't bring myself to tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 163

Judge Judy and executioner

By jessie star - 17/10/2022 18:00

Today, I'm pregnant. So far, I have been criticized about 20 times for “making poor choices.” Not only did we use a condom, I’m also on the pill, and have an IUD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 100

You deserved it 196

I'm still standing, yeah yeah yeah

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 14:00

Today, I found out I was dead. Yes, you read it right! Apparently, the pickpocket who stole my wallet two days ago was murdered and since his face was quite unrecognizable, they "identified" him with my ID from my wallet. My mom, who heard this on the news, got hysterical and started trashing my room in "grief." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 265

You deserved it 88

Check this out

By Anonymous - 17/10/2022 11:00 - Australia - Buninyong

Today, I received a dick pic from my partner, with whom, although taking a ‘break’, we were apparently ‘working on things’. He forgot to remove the Grindr watermark from his pic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 123

You deserved it 187

It's not what you think!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 22:00

Today, I woke up and my date I'd had the best sex ever with last night had found the sex doll I hid in a cupboard. She'd left a note calling me a creep, and to lose her number. It was a prop for my brother's stag do last week, I’ve never had sex with it, I’m just waiting for the recycling bins on Friday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 618

You deserved it 408

Activism but with cupcakes

By feminismlol - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I went to my first meeting at the university women's group, excited to become a more involved feminist. The first item on the meeting's agenda? The upcoming bake sale. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 152

You deserved it 29 795

What are you talking about?

By Why me? - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Wilmington

Today, some guys came up to me at work so they could meet me in person after talking to me on Tinder. I don't have a Tinder account, though, and I have no idea who is doing this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 973

You deserved it 1 390

Some kind of foreshadowing

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 06:00

Today, my wife expressed how much she misses going out dancing, so I told her I'd be glad to work on my two left feet with her. She said, "I already tried to teach you" before lamenting the time she's missed out on dancing with the cowboy guys she used to dance with. She's now watching dance videos 10ft away, looking all sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 939

You deserved it 132

Time to move on

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 02:00

Today, I have to pretend like I don’t have feelings for a friend I've know for over 10 years. I have to pretend that my heart isn’t breaking into a million pieces thinking about him with someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 519

It's not you, it's me

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 22:00

Today, after my wife had been bleeding when we have sex, the doctors sent her to hospital. While she was there overnight, I decided to masturbate at home. Turns out it was me. I have blood in my semen and was shooting it into her during sex. Glad she’s OK, but what the hell is wrong with my balls? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 352

You deserved it 172

There's no such thing as a coincidence

By Anonymous - 15/10/2022 18:00

Today, I ran into my husband and his mistress. He was picking her up at the airport. I was catching a flight to a conference with my boss. He had flowers for her, and his arm around her. My boss knows my husband as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 071

You deserved it 119

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Work Cute Christmas Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Gifts Awkward Shopping Hair Health Friends Relatable Poopoo peepee Education Money Gross Animals Intimacy Cops Sex Neighbours Smells Love Painful First Dates Grieving Social Media

The Top

Today, my boyfriend dumped me by throwing my stuff out of his place, and accusing me of cheating while yelling, "Cheater, cheater! Pumpkin eater!" When I tried explaining that I have no clue what he's talking about, he started exclaiming, "Liar, liar! Pants on fire!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 595

You deserved it 3 438

Today, nine weeks after giving birth, my husband and I finally tried to have sex since a friend was watching the baby. Not only could I not get wet due to hormones, but as soon as he got back from buying lube, his drunk brother called needing a ride from the bar. No sex for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 328

The Top

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 413

You deserved it 44 236

Today, my mother-in-law had concealed in her suitcase a kitchen knife and plastic bags of MSG, salt, and other seasonings (AKA unidentified white powder) because she doesn’t trust foreign food, and wanted to cook her own food on holiday. Airport security were not amused and we missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 524

You deserved it 104

Today, I was the last person in line for going on the bus. Incidentally, I was right behind a guy way taller and wider than me. When he got on the bus, the bus driver immediately shut the door behind him. I was left outside chasing after the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 899

You deserved it 2 407

Today, I was walking down the hallway when someone opened a door, smashing it into me. The bump makes it look like I have a third boob. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 284

You deserved it 3 948

Today, I’m 20 and my mom is well aware I’m having sex. Nonetheless, this morning when my boyfriend was going down on me under the covers, she marched into my room without knocking, dumped a load of wet laundry on my sofa, and walked back out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 206

You deserved it 482

Today, my coworker was going on and on about how her son was nice and got good grades but that she needed to find him a therapist because he's too shy in class, and how she didn't want her friends to think badly of her. She's a counselor. I sat in silence for almost an hour, because all I could think was, "WTF? Poor kid." FML

I agree, your life sucks 456

You deserved it 102