Awkward

A real mess

By huh? - 09/05/2022 00:01

Today, a guy I went out with twice, and slept with once, came knocking on my door, hysterically crying. Apparently his wife found out about “us” and kicked him out. He’s now asking where he can put his stuff, since he’s now homeless. I had no idea he was married, and she’s now looking to fight me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 305

You deserved it 281

Alcohol isn't a drug, it's a drink

By Anonymous - 08/05/2022 10:00

Today, I was carded for trying to buy wine and was told the dates were faded, so they wouldn’t be selling it to me, since they suspected I was underage. I work at the vineyard that produces the wine, I’m the head vintner, and I made the wine in the bottle I wasn’t allowed to buy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 161

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Egypt

Today, I was working on a 12-page report. After 5 hours on it, I go over to YouTube to change background music. My boss picked this time to walk by, look at my screen, and grunt, "Hard at work, huh?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 521

You deserved it 6 888

It's not for everyone

By Stacey - 07/05/2022 22:00

Today, my fiancé had a nightmare and sat bolt upright in bed, claimed he had a nightmare where we were married, then his head hit the pillow and he was asleep again. That was his nightmare. Us being married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 865

You deserved it 175

Dick joke

By awilson - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating M&Ms on a chair when I dropped one and it fell under my crotch. My mom came in to see me with my hand on my crotch while angrily muttering, "Where's that little bastard gone?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 341

You deserved it 17 019

Slogging for nothing

By JoannaG25 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I was told that in order to be considered for more jobs, I should remove my college degree from my resume. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 231

You deserved it 4 079

Not now

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 18:01 - United States - Morganville

Today, my son took his very first steps. Unfortunately, it was during my sister's wedding. She had a full-blown bridezilla meltdown over how he "stole her spotlight". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 739

You deserved it 168

Manchild

By Guyinstructor - 06/05/2022 18:00

Today, and ever since my boyfriend moved in, I've learned just how much his mother did everything for him and never taught him how to adult. In the last month I've had to show him how to cook, clean the house, do laundry and drying, use the vacuum, pay household bills, and he still moans its too hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 937

You deserved it 227

Sexed to death

By Anonymous - 06/05/2022 12:00

Today, I just got home from the police station where I had to explain that the guy I drunkenly hooked up with last night died in the middle of sex from a brain aneurysm. He had no wallet or anything, just car keys, so all I could tell the cops was his first name, that’s it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 349

Classic

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, in the middle of having sex, my boyfriend of two years got a call. After taking the call, he said, "It's an emergency," and that he had to go. I asked him what was wrong, and he told me his wife was going into labour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 913

You deserved it 6 353

Same

By Venezuelan - 06/05/2022 08:00

Today, a classmate wished me a “Happy Cinco De Mayo” and bought me a Mexican sombrero to wear, and little paper Mexican flags to wave around. I’m Venezuelan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 136

Badmouthing

By can'tbreathe - 06/05/2022 06:01

Today, I contemplated leaving my husband because his best friend is overbearing and doesn't respect the boundaries of our relationship, all while talking bad about me to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 140

It wasn't me

By jpaylay - 05/05/2022 20:00 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I was framed for hacking a Facebook account. I’m a 17 year-old cybersecurity major. Really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 708

You deserved it 129

No warning

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 18:00

Today, my boyfriend bought a bikini he wanted me to wear in our hot tub. Unfortunately, I ran out of swimsuits for my daily swim at the public pool, so I took the new bikini. Now I know why he wanted to be alone when I wore it, as water turns it see-through and melts the stitching so it falls off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 764

You deserved it 513

Nice catching up with you

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 22:00 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I messaged a crush (it was mutual and we adored each other) from five years ago, just to talk. He seemed happy and we had a good convo talking about how our lives have changed, until he said, “Uh I seriously don’t remember you though, lol. Thanks for the follow, though”. then left me on seen and unfollowed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 825

You deserved it 193

Unforgettable

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Cambridge

Today, I got asked, “And you are…?” by a senior colleague while in a morning meeting at work. I’ve been working here for 3 months and I've already introduced myself multiple times to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 854

You deserved it 119

Norman Stanley Fletcher

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 04:00

Today, a prison officer from when I was a young offender snuck up behind me and bellowed in my ear, “ON YOUR FEET SONNY JIM, LETS BE HAVING YOU.” I have such bad memories of him that even now 30 years later, I sprang to attention hands behind my back, humiliating me in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 375

You deserved it 257

Nutshot

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 11:00 - United Kingdom - Macclesfield

Today, I took my sister and her friend to the new swimming pool in our area. They wanted to go down one of the slides, so I went up with them. At the top of the stairs, my sister's friend kicked me in the balls and then pulled my trunks off. They pushed me down the slide naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 187

You deserved it 140

Kinks come in all shapes and sizes

By Anonymous - 04/05/2022 12:00 - Fiji - Suva

Today, I realized I have a praise kink when the guy who I was sexting online called me a good girl and I came instantly, then promptly burst into tears because I've never felt such affection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 273

Good advice

By Anonymous - 03/05/2022 04:00

Today, I was advised to never have kids because they ruin your life, ruin your body, cost you money, stress you out, and the end result is they become an adult you don’t even really like or would choose to spend time with if you weren’t related. It was both my parents who gave me this advice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 315

You deserved it 244

I like big butts and I cannot lie

By ThiccBoi - 02/05/2022 16:00 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I was yet again cat-called while out jogging, with many men calling me "sexy lady" and even commenting on my "birthing hips", all because I chose to wear compression pants. I'm not even a woman, I'm just a guy with a really big butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 246

You deserved it 284

But I need it!

By InDebted - 02/05/2022 02:00 - United States - Kula

Today, my jobless husband wants to buy the latest iPhone. His current phone is in good condition, except that he has a 1000 apps on it slowing it down. We're also in deeply crushing debt from all his bad financial decisions from his severely loss-making business. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 172

You deserved it 184

For better or for worse

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Vienna

Today, I realized I didn't want to come home from a business trip because I like my job more than my husband. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 859

You deserved it 4 731

Leave me alone

By Anonymous - 01/05/2022 10:00

Today, I got a verbal warning at work for "having a resting bitch face." I had a headache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 904

You deserved it 101

Friends?

By idekwtfigo - 01/05/2022 06:00

Today, I found out that the girl my boyfriend says is "just a good old friend" is actually an "ex that got away." FML

I agree, your life sucks 866

You deserved it 96

Nice catch

By inthesticks - 01/05/2022 05:09

Took, I took my son fishing. We ended the night at the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 229

You deserved it 56

Eeeeeeeeeeek!

By KTK - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the annoying squealing I hear every night isn't my guinea pig. Apparently my brother's girlfriend makes that sound when they have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 951

You deserved it 3 532

The wedding is going to be cocobananas

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 18:00

Today, we announced our engagement. His mother immediately accused me of being a manipulative, gold digging whore. She's been fine with me for the last 5 years of dating, plus I used all my savings to support my boyfriend when he wanted to go back to college, but as soon as the ring appeared, I'm a gold digger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 77

Long eulogy

By Anonymous - 30/04/2022 12:00

Today, the minister at my grandpa's funeral had a speech impediment that made him stutter his R’s. My grandpa’s name was Robert. FML

I agree, your life sucks 740

You deserved it 83

Thanks, spellcheck

By fuckspellcheck - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I realized the senior thesis I turned in last week uses the word "asses" instead of "assess" 17 times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 028

You deserved it 62 692

Keywords

Miscellaneous Embarrassing Christmas Cute Work Am I overreacting? Holidays Cats Gifts Awkward Shopping Health Friends Relatable Hair Poopoo peepee Education Money Gross Animals Neighbours Cops Sex Intimacy Smells Love Painful First Dates Social Media Music

The Top

Today, thanks to too many true crime podcasts and shows, my wife has lost her marbles. She now insists we use code names for our kids while out in public, so that no predators will hear their real names and follow us home to kidnap them. She’s completely serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 140

Today, at a party I bumped into a friend of my ex. We caught the same bus home. He started telling me about my ex's "totally insane" ex-girlfriend. He refused to believe me when I told him he was talking about me. I had to sit there for half an hour as my personality was ripped to shreds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 178

You deserved it 5 878

The Top

Today, I can't decide what's worse, my mom walking in on me doing the five knuckle shuffle, or the one hour talk the next day about how it's perfectly normal and even she does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 400

You deserved it 8 870

Today, I was talking to a really cute guy. He leaned closer and I thought he was going to kiss me. Instead, he leaned back, laughed and said, "Wow. You're growing a mustache." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 797

You deserved it 7 570

Today, I lost one of my best friends because he has an insecure girlfriend. He just stopped contact completely out of the blue. Two other close friends died in the last few weeks as well, and I'm so heartbroken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 558

You deserved it 87

Today, I went to visit my boyfriend at work. That's where I met his pregnant girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 333

You deserved it 5 151

Today, a guy lost control of his umbrella in the wind, which then hit me in the eye, making me bleed. He screamed at me for trying to steal his umbrella. People laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 816

You deserved it 2 277

Today, my 9 year-old daughter had really bad constipation. When I took her to the doctor, he had to 'break it up' with a gloved finger, and then he sent me home with directions on how to administer an enema. I do not recommend trying to give an enema to a kid that doesn't want one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 477

You deserved it 1 027