Embarrassing

Treat yourself day

By anon - 20/08/2024 16:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, my in-laws surprised us with an unannounced visit. I was in the middle of my weekly self-care routine, which includes a green face mask, curlers, and a bathrobe. When I opened the door, they looked horrified and my mother-in-law whispered, "Is this a bad time?" Without thinking, I blurted out, "Depends, do you believe in aliens?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 471

You deserved it 108

Perfect 10

By Anonymous - 20/08/2024 14:00 - United States

Today, I was alone at work after everyone had gone home and started practicing my "cool" walk for a date I was going on after leaving the office. As I was strutting around, the doors of a conference room opened to a group of my coworkers, including my boss. They hadn't all gone home, and they'd seen everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 592

No ragrets

By Isabel - 19/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Cleveland

Today, I showed my new tattoo to my friends. It's supposed to be a deep, philosophical quote in Latin, symbolizing strength and resilience. My friend, who happens to be fluent in Latin, started laughing hysterically. Turns out, it actually says, "You are dumb." FML

I agree, your life sucks 72

You deserved it 655

Don't do drugs, kids

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 946

You deserved it 3 589

Pumpkin spice season is coming

By Chris - 18/08/2024 22:00 - Canada

Today, I was home alone and decided to try on my Halloween costume, a giant inflatable dinosaur suit. As I was prancing around the living room, my doorbell rang. Without thinking, I answered it. It was the mailman with a package. The look on his face as he handed a T-rex a box was priceless, but now he probably thinks I’m nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 401

Guitar hero

By Jammy Handtricks - 18/08/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I was trying to impress a girl I like by showing off my guitar skills at a party. I'd hyped it up all night. When I finally started playing, I’d forgotten most of the chords and lyrics to the song, and ended up just strumming "Wonderwall" while humming off-key. She left halfway through the "performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52

You deserved it 794

Occam's razor

By Lolololo - 18/08/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, I called tech support because my new computer wasn’t turning on. After a long while on the phone, they finally asked if it was plugged in. It wasn’t. I spent way too long troubleshooting with a dead device because I never plugged it into the outlet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70

You deserved it 671

All heil!

By Anonymous - 17/08/2024 05:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my company released its yearly magazine and I was in the background of a picture directing men around the site. It was the worst photograph I’ve ever seen. It managed to make me look like Hitler with an exposed belly, including the moustache and the salute, and I don’t even have a moustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 404

You deserved it 108

Play that Blink 182 song

By Mommys boy - 16/08/2024 12:00 - Australia

Today, I got a text from a number I didn’t recognize that said, "I miss you." Assuming it was my mom and her new phone, I replied, "Miss you too, love you!" Turns out it was my new boss, checking to see if I’d be able to work an extra shift. Even though it was her text that was badly worded, I'm now known as the person who declared her love to the boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 382

Brain fog

By Anonymous - 16/08/2024 06:00 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I walked out of the grocery store, loaded my bags into my car, then sat in the driver’s seat. I tried to start the engine, but the key wouldn’t turn. That’s when I noticed the child’s seat in the back, which I don’t have. I was in the wrong car, and the owner was standing outside, laughing at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 409

You deserved it 191

Are you OK?

By anon - 15/08/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, my phone rang during a meeting. I quickly silenced it, and put it in my pocket. A few minutes later, my boss’s phone rang. It was me, butt-dialing him while we were sitting in the same room. He answered and asked if I had something urgent to discuss. I did not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 174

You deserved it 392

This is fine

By Anonymous - 14/08/2024 22:00 - Australia - Darwin

Today, during a silent exam, my stomach made the loudest, most embarrassing growling noise possible. It was so loud that the professor looked up and some people in the room turned to look at me. The girl next to me offered me a granola bar, and I accepted, even though the growl was actually me desperately holding in a fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 105

Fashionista

By Cousin_Greg - 14/08/2024 06:00 - Canada

Today, I got dressed in a hurry and grabbed what I though was a basic white shirt from the clean laundry pile. It wasn’t until I stepped into the elevator at work and saw myself in the mirror that I realized I was wearing one of my girlfriend’s shirt. It was snug, had a floral pattern, and made me look like I was trying too hard to be trendy. It was a long day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 521

Lose-lose situation

By suckerrrrr - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I bought a top, along with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 590

You deserved it 14 743

Act three, scene one

By anon - 12/08/2024 14:00 - New Zealand

Today, I was performing in a community theater production. Right before my big scene, I felt a sneeze coming on. I tried to hold it in, but it came out with such force that I lost my balance, fell off the stage, and landed in the lap of the mayor, who was in the front row. My character’s dramatic entrance was unforgettable for all the wrong reasons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 377

You deserved it 128

Sweep it under the rug

By Anonymous - 12/08/2024 00:00 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend told me she was coming over for a surprise visit. I quickly tidied up, but not before shoving all my dirty laundry under the bed. When she arrived, she brought her dog in. Her dog immediately sniffed out the laundry and dragged my most embarrassing underwear into the living room while her parents watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 489

We've almost all been there

By Jillian - 11/08/2024 22:00 - United Kingdom - Sunderland

Today, I was walking down the street when I saw someone I thought I knew. I waved enthusiastically and shouted, "Hey!" The person stared blankly at me, so I quickly turned it into a wave at someone else behind them. There was no one behind them. I was just waving and yelling into the void like an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 333

What did you do?

By Wtmcisdis - 10/08/2024 16:00 - United States - Douglasville

Today, my mom had me arrested in the most humiliating way ever, in my nightgown, with no bra. She pushed me out her vagina, and now her life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 177

You deserved it 401

Easy peasy

By KATY - 10/08/2024 03:00 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, after watching a few YouTube tutorials and thinking it looked easy, I decided to cut my own bangs. Halfway through, my scissors broke. Now I have uneven bangs and no way to fix them until I get to a salon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 430

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 09/08/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was grocery shopping when I left my cart to grab an item. I returned, and started pushing the cart again. Halfway through the store, a furious lady confronted me, demanding her cart back. I had to walk back in shame to find my own actual cart, which was now nowhere to be found. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 462

Mom moment

By Anonymous - 08/08/2024 22:00 - United States - Topanga

Today, I thought it would be funny to bust out some dance moves in the middle of the supermarket to embarrass my teenage daughter. As I was trying to the moonwalk, I slipped on a wet spot and crashed into a stack of cereal boxes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 96

You deserved it 713

Stinky

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 17:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I went to work at my new job after taking a shower but I'd forgotten to put on deodorant. I started getting strange looks and wondered why, only to find out later that everyone was talking about me, including someone I have a crush on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 347

Boys and their toys

By Deven - 07/08/2024 13:00 - United States - Ardmore

Today, I forgot my Lana Rhoades fleshlight in the bathroom sink without the lid on it because I was letting it dry. When my mother-in-law came over she saw it and just told me there was something in the sink. It’s so awkward now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 88

You deserved it 500

This is fine

By Anonymous - 07/08/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out that my father, who very recently lost his wife, decided that drunkenly hitting on my long-time boyfriend's mom was a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 86

Damp squib

By Sorry Phil - 07/08/2024 06:00 - United Kingdom - Dundee

Today, I was throwing a surprise birthday party for my friend. As we all hid in the dark waiting for him to arrive, I unexpectedly sneezed so loudly that I scared everyone, and they jumped out before he had even finished unlocking the front door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 338

You deserved it 136

Lost in the sauce

By Kelgor - 07/08/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I started to give a 30-minute presentation about environmental sustainability. When I'd finished what I though was a powerful introduction, I was informed that I was in the wrong conference room, speaking to a group of what appeared to basically be a bunch oil barons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 280

Keep moving

By Jerem88 - 06/08/2024 09:00 - United States - Nassua

Today, as I was stood on an escalator, my shoelace got caught in the step. Panicking, I tried to pull it out, but my shoe came off. I had to awkwardly hop back down the escalator to retrieve it while everyone around me in the mall watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 144

Women be shopping

By Krule - 04/08/2024 00:00 - United States - Redding

Today, I couldn't find my car in a mall parking lot. After 30 minutes of searching, I reported it stolen to the mall security. It turns out that I'd parked it on the opposite side of the mall. Security escorted me to my car, all while giving me pitiful looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104

You deserved it 505

Don't do this

By Anonymous - 31/07/2024 22:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at the gym trying to work up the courage to ask a girl out. She was on the treadmill, and I thought it would be cute to wave hello. Instead, she looked horrified and sped up, then slipped and fell off the treadmill. She thought I was mocking her, and now everyone at the gym hates me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 410

Looking good

By Alex - 31/07/2024 16:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, I was expecting a package from Amazon, so when the doorbell rang I rushed out in my pajamas. It wasn't the delivery guy. It was my ex and her new boyfriend, here to drop off some of my old stuff. I'd answered the door wearing an anime onesie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 510

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I found out my old high school class has a friend group on Facebook, so I applied to join but received a very frank and nasty message. Apparently they all remember me as “the Bullying Mean Girl” and all voted not to let me join. I was a nerd in high school and I was nice to everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 340

Today, my husband had confessed that we couldn't go on a vacation this spring because he was out of vacation time. He took two weeks off and pretended to go to work, then came home once I'd left. Another woman? No, some stupid shit in his video game called "Runescape Leagues." FML

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 153

The Top

Today, I received a $105 parking ticket for being in a handicapped space. The lines were covered by snow, and the sign was on the building twenty feet away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 128

You deserved it 5 356

Today, at a fancy dress party, I got off with Hitler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 637

You deserved it 40 433

Today, working as a nurse, I asked a 61-year-old patient if he did any physical activity. His reply was, "Well, I do masturbate a lot". He then went on to describe the various techniques he uses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 325

You deserved it 4 281

Today, it's been five days since I finally made it to my dream vacation destination, after months of planning, saving, and dreaming. I got food poisoning within hours of arriving and I've spent the last five days in my hotel room, staring at a toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 478

You deserved it 78

Today, my girlfriend sent me a revenge video of her having sex with another guy, because I cheated on her. I got angry with her, but later used the video to masturbate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 812

You deserved it 7 010

Today, I was woken at 4 a.m. by the sounds of someone crashing down the stairs. I scrambled out, still half-asleep, to find out that nobody was in an agonized heap at the bottom. The walls are so thin in my house that I could hear the neighbour falling down HIS stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 755

You deserved it 786