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First impressions

By Anonymous - 01/12/2024 15:00 - Canada - Calgary

Today, I joined a gym. I’m overweight and not very athletic, so I was nervous. I looked around and tried a treadmill. I start walking at a chill pace, then got ambitious and cranked it to a "light jog." Within seconds, I tripped, fell, and sent the emergency stop button flying across the room. The gym staff ran over and I swear someone said, “Well, at least he’s trying.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 128

Fiat 500 woes

By Too tall for this shit - 30/11/2024 22:00 - United States - Fresno

Today, I parked, then opened my car door to get out, and somehow managed to practically knock myself out by banging my head on the frame, then on the car door that had slammed back into my forehead as I was still reeling from hitting the roof. A guy walking by asked if I was okay while trying not to laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 125

No thanks for you

By Anonymous - 30/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Marietta

Today, it was Thanksgiving and the first time my boyfriend would be meeting my whole family. He was nervous so he started drinking. By the end of the night, he was belligerently drunk and kissed my aunt twice thinking it was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 139

Carpool karaoke

By Anonymous - 27/11/2024 00:00 - Canada

Today, I was singing loudly in my car at a red light, completely oblivious. When I finished the song, I turned to see a bus full of passengers watching (and also some of them filming) my performance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 199

You deserved it 417

That'll be a no from me, dawg

By Anonymous - 25/11/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, despite knowing that I hate being the center of attention (and think that public proposals are stupid anyway), my boyfriend popped the question at a crowded hockey game. I threw up all over him, with thousands of people watching. FML

I agree, your life sucks 616

You deserved it 151

Desperate times

By jeana - 25/11/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I was so desperate to pee that I used the only bathroom in the convenience store I was in, which was “Employees Only.” Well, the door got stuck and I had to get an employee to let me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 275

You deserved it 328

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 23/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I was feeling motivated to improve my unhealthy miserable life and went for a jog. Halfway through, I tripped on my own shoelace and scared a couple walking their dog. According to my wife, it's already been gossiped about in our neighborhood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 127

It's not what you think!

By HenryJ - 22/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I spilled water on the front of my pants right before a meeting so I tried drying them with the hand dryer in the bathroom. A coworker walked in just as I was awkwardly squatting in front of the machine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 144

Exhausted

By Anonymous - 22/11/2024 13:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I so obviously dozed off during a video call at work. Afterwards, my manager messaged me asking if I was OK. I was mortified, and now I'm "on his watch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 125

You deserved it 428

Happy dance!

By Got the job anyway, so whatevs - 22/11/2024 06:00 - United States - New York

Today, after five years of working a soul-sucking dead end job, I was offered an amazing role in a new field. When the HR rep told me, I was so excited that I screamed at the top of my lungs, cheered like a maniac, and started laughing so hard I cried.I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm off my meds now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 169

You deserved it 512

Doggos 4 Life

By Jerry01 - 19/11/2024 03:00 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, in the middle of what I thought was an empty park, I told my dog he’s the “goodest, bestest boy” while out on a walk. A stranger appeared out of nowhere, gave me a thumbs-up, and said, “You too, champ.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 163

Karma wins again

By Anonymous - 18/11/2024 20:00 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, as I was sitting at a bus stop, I spilled Pepsi on my shirt while texting my friend about how clumsy people are, after seeing someone walk into a trash can. Irony isn’t dead, but my dignity is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 552

BOOM!

By Alison - 18/11/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, my boss called to check if I was available for a last-minute meeting. Trying to sound professional, I sat up straight in my chair, only to forget I was sitting on a rolling chair with no lock. The chair slid back, I slipped off, and a loud crash echoed through the office. My boss asked if I was okay, and I tried pretending nothing happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks 293

You deserved it 198

Baby steps

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 21:00 - United States - Warren

Today, I started doing cardio at my local gym with a basic exercise bike because doing weightlifting by itself wasn't having an effect on my weight. Since I'm out of shape, I did 15 minutes instead of the standard 30. I had to stop at 10 minutes because my legs were so sore they nearly gave out on me when I stood up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 151

Stoking too close to the sun

By Anonymous - 16/11/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I was stoked to show my new car to my friends that I pulled into the parking lot a bit too fast, attempting to look cool. I accidentally hit the curb and ended up scratching the entire front bumper on a trash can that I didn't see. Now I have a busted up bumper, and my friends will probably never let me forget it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59

You deserved it 742

It's all so quiet…

By Louis - 13/11/2024 22:00 - Australia

Today, I finally felt brave enough to sing karaoke in public. I was halfway through the song when the restaurant’s power went out, leaving me singing my heart out in the dark. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 115

Been there, done that

By Anonymous - 13/11/2024 03:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I confidently told a joke at a party, only to completely butcher the punchline. Everyone still laughed… at me instead of the joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 172

You deserved it 327

Blush

By Anonymous - 12/11/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, I wore a new pair of white pants, feeling fancy. Halfway through the day, I discovered a ketchup stain that looked suspiciously like a heart right on the front. That explained why people kept giving me sympathetic nods as I walked by, probably thinking I'd spilled my heart on my sleeve… or my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 297

You deserved it 123

Pep talk

By Brendon - 12/11/2024 09:00 - Australia

Today, I tried to give myself a pep talk in the bathroom mirror at work, just like Saul Goodman in Better Call Saul does. Just as I said, "You got this," someone walked in and gave me a very concerned look. Now I’m the "motivational mirror person" in the office. FML

I agree, your life sucks 216

You deserved it 305

Freestyle

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 12:00 - United States - New Orleans

Today, I'd practiced for a slam poetry night all day. When I got up on stage, I forgot all of it and, for some reason, and my brain refused to improvise around my planned themes, so I launched into a totally unrelated rant about how confusing microwaves are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 210

Stain influencer

By Anonymous - 11/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I tried to take a cool selfie with my coffee mug for Instagram. As I posed, I didn’t realize the mug was tilted, and I poured hot coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 690

Not working out

By Anonymous - 09/11/2024 09:00 - Canada

Today, I joined my crush for their workout class. I didn’t realize it was an advanced class. Ten minutes in, I was gasping for air, bright red, and drenched in sweat. The instructor had to stop and ask if I needed a paramedic. My crush offered me a cup of water along with a look of deep concern. FML

I agree, your life sucks 160

You deserved it 431

Viewer discretion advised

By Jane - 08/11/2024 15:00 - United States - Encino

Today, I was super bored in health class so I decided to watch Invader Zim on my computer. I never made sure my headphones were connected. so the whole class turned and stared at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54

You deserved it 675

Influencer is a dangerous job

By Anonymous - 08/11/2024 16:00 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I was taking a selfie in a café because the lighting was perfect. As I leaned back for the perfect angle, my chair tipped over, and I fell to the ground in front of a bunch of people. The barista was so concerned, he came over with a first aid kit, while I just wanted to disappear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 71

You deserved it 722

Deep cut

By It's a horrible song lmao - 07/11/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I lost my phone while at the store with my mom. She decided to call it, and that's when I remembered that my ringtone for her is the song "Mother" by The Police. The weirded-out stares I got as I picked up my phone have become a core memory that I absolutely did not want. FML

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 367

Brain melt

By hashtag67 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I taught my first seminar as a teaching assistant. I prepared for hours and rehearsed and discussed it with the professor. Two students fell asleep, I said "shit" twice and I froze mid-sentence, then said, "Sorry guys, I have no idea what I'm saying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 558

You deserved it 1 707

Hard pressed

By Cliffton - 06/11/2024 00:00 - United States

Today, I went to the gym for the first time in months. As I tried to bench press, my arms gave out instantly, and I ended up dropping the bar onto my chest. The dudes in the gym around me gave me the wide-eyed WTF face, while I tried to laugh it off and failed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 158

You deserved it 394

Floundering

By Gerry - 05/11/2024 09:00 - Ireland

Today, I was at a friend’s wedding, and when it came time to make a toast, I tried to stand up to make a speech. My suit jacket got caught on the chair, and I ended up falling flat on my back. The speech was drowned out by everyone laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 98

Classic toddler moment

By Anonymous - 01/11/2024 03:00 - Ireland

Today, I took my very talkative toddler to a grocery store. As we passed a woman in an aisle, my kid pointed and said loudly, "Mummy, why does that lady have such a funny face?" I had to awkwardly apologize while my face went beet red. FML

I agree, your life sucks 372

You deserved it 102

Close call

By Anonymous - 31/10/2024 04:00 - United States - Bremerton

Today, I woke up and realized I had to pee sooo bad. The problem was, I sleep naked with my partner, who lives with one of their sisters. I didn't have time to get dressed before running to a shared bathroom, and even then I "drizzled" a little bit on the bathroom floor. I cleaned it and myself up but still… FML

I agree, your life sucks 132

You deserved it 490

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The Top

Today, my husband was offered, and accepted, pain relief during an ultrasound on his scrotum, and I’m sat here remembering how I wasn’t offered any pain relief at all while birthing a 9lb baby, because I was left in the waiting room so long they told me it was too late for an epidural. FML

I agree, your life sucks 696

You deserved it 151

Today, I discovered that my fiancé had responded to an online missed connection posting. He has been emailing, exchanging pictures and making plans to go out with this girl. We are supposed to be married in the fall and just put down the non-refundable deposit on our reception site. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 703

You deserved it 3 295

The Top

Today, I had to get my grandparents out of jail, because they were caught having sex in a public place. They excused their actions by saying that you can only be young and stupid once, so if you continue doing stupid actions, you are still young. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 541

You deserved it 5 034

Today, I was working drive thru and took a huge order. When the people pulled around to the window, they handed me a stack of coupons. None of the coupons were even related to what they ordered. They made me change their order to fit the coupons because they couldn't read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 571

You deserved it 3 036

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 880

You deserved it 3 467

Today, I got two pieces of mail. One was a fine for not presenting my concession card to ticket inspectors on a train. The other was my concession card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 426

You deserved it 3 522

Today, I got stuck driving behind a rather large motorcyclist on a one way road for 30 miles. For those 30 miles, I had a full view of his back fat rolls and butt crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 682

You deserved it 3 771

Today, my house cleaner discovered I cross-dress as she was cleaning. She found the pretty nightgowns I wear to bed and other items. Now she wants extra money or she will make my cross dressing public. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 378