Miscellaneous

Cooked

By Un1ucky - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend wanted to make breakfast. Since I usually do all the cooking, I said that was fine. Four hours later, my boyfriend and I were sitting on the sidewalk across the street as the firemen sprayed down the burnt remains of our kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 292

You deserved it 7 528

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Canada - Montréal

Today, I finally found out why my graphics card in my PC had been overheating recently. My brother disconnected the card's fan because it was too loud when he was gaming. I guess I can always spend another $750. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 653

You deserved it 1 941

Happy mother

By Anonymous - 13/05/2024 03:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, instead of getting ready for Mother’s Day weekend, I’m recovering from emergency surgery. Last year my kid gave me COVID for Mother’s Day. The year before, my whole family forgot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 113

Discipline

By Anonymous - 11/05/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, our Scout troop was scheduled to do the Cycling Merit Badge. Midway through, it began to rain so hard that I couldn't see the road, and ended up in a ditch. Rather than make sure I was okay, as I was covered in mud and blood, my dad the Scoutmaster decided to scream at me for holding everyone else up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 92

Sprinkler

By shelly - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was locked out of my house and had to pee. I waited an hour for my boyfriend to come home. When I saw him pull into the driveway, I peed myself in excitement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 958

You deserved it 7 573

Happy birthday anyway!

By bdaygirl - 11/05/2024 10:00 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, I received a short happy birthday message from my father. He’s never been one to show affection, and I haven’t spoken to him in months since he only reaches out to ask for money. This might have given me hope that he cares or wants a relationship with me. Except… it’s not my birthday, and I don’t think he knows that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 104

Good job parenting

By yova - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, my mom called me a slut after she found out I sleep naked. This is how desperate she is for any excuse to yell at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 527

You deserved it 1 959

I don't want to fade out

By Anonymous - 10/05/2024 13:00

Today, my dad died recently and as I was going through photos of his bucket list trip to Paris, I realised I’m not in a single damn one of the photos. Why? Because during all the big photo moments, I was the stupid bastard taking the pictures. Now I have no photos of us together on his last trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 124

Fair and balanced

By Sorry Dad! - 09/05/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, my family has begun preparations for my dad's birthday party. We figured out that the closest date that will work is the fifth of June. Also today, I got a letter in the mail. I have jury duty. Take a wild guess what day it's on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 88

Arnold Layne

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 23:00 - United Kingdom

Today, and for weeks now, I was sure my underwear was going missing. I found out why. My husband's brother has been stealing them whenever he visits, presumably to masturbate with. I literally caught him shoving an unwashed pair into his pocket he'd stolen from my laundry pile. Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 670

You deserved it 76

Slippery slope

By Anonymous - 09/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I got popcorn when getting groceries. I was excited to see popcorn butter spray on sale and decided to try it. Excited, I made some popcorn while I went to use the can. Butter sprayed like an aerosol can all over my desk and floor. Now, my apartment smells like a movie theater and there's butter EVERYWHERE! FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 404

What the hell is even that?!

By Anonymous - 08/05/2024 21:00 - United States - Truckee

Today, I was scrolling through a more risqué/dark/dirty humor Facebook page. I thoughtlessly set my phone down to help my cousin with a translation for about a minute. When I went to grab my phone, I saw, front and center, a photo edit of Chewbacca with his "lipstick" out. No wonder she kept glancing down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76

You deserved it 482

Plans

By not invited - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Appleton

Today, a close friend told me she had no plans for her birthday. I found out she was lying when I had to serve her and nine other mutual friends dinner at the restaurant I work at. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't invited or that none of them even remembered that I worked there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 623

You deserved it 1 684

The real housewives of FML

By NotInMyClick - 02/05/2024 00:00 - United States - Glide

Today, a girl I despise from our group of best girlfriends, who just moved in with another, has showed her true colors. I smelled her bipolar disorder in our group interactions and took a step back, but was afraid to say something to the two other girls like, hey, she's unstable. Now she thinks she's in the group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 103

You deserved it 602

No rizz whatsoever

By Ugly - 01/05/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, right now, I can say one thing for certain: Despite not knowing exactly what it means to be conventionally attractive, I still know for a fact I'm the exact opposite of that. People have told me that I look homeless. I shudder to think of how I'd look if I were actually homeless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 125

Computer says no

By firelava - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Grand Prairie

Today, I waited two hours in line at college to select my classes. I finally got to the desk, only to be told I have to apply online before I can show up in person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 759

You deserved it 9 978

It was fun while it lasted

By Anonymous - 29/04/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my toxic mother-in-law's retirement plans include moving in with us when she gets old. The death glares I’m getting from my wife right now are so worth the satisfaction I got from telling that evil old bat I’d burn the house down first before I let her move into it with us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 110

Same!

By shut_up - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Roseburg

Today, after I had watched a few videos of myself, I realized the sound of my own voice is the single most annoying thing I have ever heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 169

You deserved it 5 898

Denial

By Andre - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I had a mumbled conversation with myself in a supermarket aisle about whether or not to buy a bottle of bourbon. Nothing screams "pathetic loser" like an alcoholic in denial having a debate with himself out loud near strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 151

You deserved it 32 414

Thanks Aldi

By *Chomp* *Chomp* - 26/04/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out that if you put tea bags into a cup of hot water, the tea bags will melt. The result: You get to drink and chew tea leaves at the same time, with little bits of actual tea to help make them go down. 0/10, do not recommend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108

You deserved it 476

Weekend at Bernie's

By Anonymous - 25/04/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I set aside a weekend to spend time with a friend. I learned that someone else is staying there: a fat, unemployed man-child who talks shit about us on Facebook, while his manipulative wife pays his bills. He got evicted from his last home when he pretended to be a ninja and cut up his neighbor's garden. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 85

Bon appétit

By StijnDescamps - This FML is from back in 2019 but it's good stuff

Today, for the very first time, I invited my girlfriend's parents for dinner. I bought a pre-made oven dish, just to be sure nothing could go wrong. Once at the table, her mother asked pointedly who forgot to remove the plastic foil before putting it in the oven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 2 554

Gooooooooooal!

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States - Portland

Today, I finally scored a goal in a soccer game. Too bad it was in our own net. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 946

You deserved it 38 845

Garden wars

By Anonymous - 21/04/2024 14:00 - Germany

Today, my mom’s house and mine share the same garden. After I complained about an ugly compost bin she had outside my bedroom window, she finally took it away and put it… smack dab in front of my terrace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 342

You deserved it 160

DIY nightmare

By Anonymous - 20/04/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad uttered the dreaded words, “Now don’t worry boy, I knows exactly what I is doing.” A few short minutes later he has a destroyed impact drill, my ladder is snapped, my kitchen window is broken, my wife is in hospital for stitches, and we can’t find the cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 545

You deserved it 108

Oh no…

By momma6126 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale two doors down from me. In her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 101

You deserved it 2 555

Crap

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 22:00 - Germany

Today, I live in my own house, but on my mom’s property. Whether I look outside towards the south, west, or east, I always look upon some ugly crap my mom has lying around. Except the north. On that side, it’s the neighbors’ crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 323

Dude, WTF?

By cman - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Romania

Today, I was walking past a group of old men exiting a building. All of a sudden, I heard a strange splashing sound, and discovered one of the completely inebriated men walking behind me, pissing on my boots. I sped up, but so did he, and he didn't miss once until he was done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 529

You deserved it 3 209

Not now!

By Anonymous - 18/04/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, my mom decided to infodump on me as I came home needing to take a shit. She wouldn't stop talking and calling me back when I tried to walk off. I couldn't get a word in, and she was ignoring my gestures. She's now calling me disrespectful because I finally ran off and dropped a loud one in the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 95

Close call

By Purple - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Fremont

Today, my dad told me that my mom wanted to name me something "unusual." He eventually got her to compromise. I go by Violet. I now know that my legal name is Purple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 857

You deserved it 2 994

Keywords

Cats Animals Christmas Health Embarrassing Awkward Work Love Boredom Anniversary Ironic Intimacy Abuse AITA Am I overreacting? Drunk Alcohol Transportation Parents Gun control Kids Language Mysterious Noise Relatable Money Miscellaneous Delivery Food Family

The Top

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try the ice cubes in the vagina thing we'd read about. He kept sticking one in after another and they got stuck. My vagina had a brain freeze for a half an hour. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 789

You deserved it 3 968

Today, and ever since my fiance started eating apples instead of junk food, he now has horribly foul diarrhea every morning, and keeps insisting it's his body "flushing out the toxins." I'm about to rent a Porta Potty so our bathrooms don't smell like sewage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 116

The Top

Today, I visited my grandparents at their farm. When I went to pee in the outhouse, I noticed a round thing in the middle of the hole, so I peed on it. It was a beehive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 558

You deserved it 23 210

Today, I dyed my hair blue because I’m cosplaying as Jinx from Arcane. My parents made me practically homeless because they associate hair dye with "wokeness" and they’re not having that shit in their house. I'm now staying with my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 502

You deserved it 210

Today, after putting an ad on Craigslist to sell a coat, I finally got a call. The guy on the phone seemed interested, and was especially curious to know if I could "model" it for him, in "stockings and suspenders." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 303

You deserved it 3 865

Today, first time in a rowboat, I was completely unprepared for just how easy it is to unbalance a boat. All I did was shift my weight to the side to relieve my numb leg, the boat tipped, I overcorrected too far in the opposite direction and tipped myself, my girlfriend, and her parents into the North Sea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 813

You deserved it 343

Today, while skiing, the creepy guy controlling the chair lift said I was pretty. I was so caught off guard that I fell off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 427

You deserved it 5 158

Today, I thought my hamster might be lonely, so I went to the pet shop and bought a new one to keep him company. The new hamster killed the old one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 130

You deserved it 13 988