Miscellaneous

Weird old lady of the day

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Swindon

Today, I was at the supermarket when an elderly lady asked if I'd grab some coffee for her from a high shelf. The moment I took my hands off my almost-full shopping cart, she made off with it. I ended up getting thrown out by security after she claimed I was trying to steal it from her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 554

You deserved it 3 454

Thick ear

By why - 23/06/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I made fun of a crazy-looking woman at the park. The man next to me turned out to be her husband, and he dragged me by my ear over to apologize to her. My friends are still laughing at me and my ear is swollen to twice the usual size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61

You deserved it 1 183

Like family!

By HELP - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I moved into a new house. The landlord insists it's OK for her to come up whenever she wants because she owns the house. We aren't allowed to lock the doors and she has two 8-year-olds. They come into the bathroom every time they hear the shower running. We have a clear shower curtain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 086

You deserved it 4 379

Amen

By Anonymous - 22/06/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, apparently my bathroom breaks have perfect comedic timing. My very religious parents were praying in the living room. I quietly snuck into the bathroom that's less than ten yards from where they're at. Right as they finished praying and saying "Amen" I let off a massive fart, and my dad burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 402

You deserved it 109

My name is…

By Unpronounceable - 22/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I've gotten so used to people mispronouncing my last name, even after I correct them a gazillion times, I've lost the motivation to correct anyone on it anymore. At this point I'd probably faint from shock if someone who isn't related to me successfully pronounced it correctly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 360

You deserved it 107

Petty quibble

By Time wasted - 18/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, my boyfriend spent forty minutes making pasta sauce when we had a perfectly good jar of pasta sauce in the pantry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 983

Big lad

By Stronk - 17/06/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I severely underestimated how strong I am when I attempted to dunk a basketball into a miniature basketball hoop at a swimming pool. I made it, but in doing so I made it fall over, despite the cinder blocks placed on the base specifically to prevent that from happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 429

Cut!

By Anonymous - 17/06/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my cousins are visiting from America and boy do I want rid of them. We went to a restaurant and ordering their food took over 20 minutes due to their crazy food orders. It was seriously like the restaurant scene in The Goldbergs, only not funny. Seriously, go watch that scene. MADNESS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 393

You deserved it 133

Heaven knows I'm miserable now

By Morrissey2.0 - 17/06/2024 14:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I was singing my heart out in the shower, convinced I was alone. Turns out my roommate had friends over, and they could hear everything through the bathroom vent. Now, they keep requesting encore performances of my renditions of songs by The Smiths. FML

I agree, your life sucks 350

You deserved it 166

Contempt of court

By Just my luck - 17/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, it's been several weeks since I unfortunately had to tell my grandpa that I wouldn't make it to his birthday party due to jury duty. It's now the day before, which also happens to be his birthday, and I just discovered that I was excused due to them having extras and replacing me. Too late now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 384

You deserved it 116

Rock on!

By Anonymous - 16/06/2024 22:00 - United States

Today, ever supportive of my friends, I went to a concert and tried to really get into the music. I was jumping and dancing, only to realize I was at the wrong concert. My friend's band was playing next door. I spent half an hour dancing with strangers to music I didn't even really like. FML

I agree, your life sucks 115

You deserved it 523

Where am I?

By Anonymous - 13/06/2024 09:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was at a new restaurant when I went to the restroom. When I was done, I sat back down at the table, and idly started listening to my friends chatting. After a few seconds, I realized I'd sat at the wrong table, with complete strangers, who were too polite and/or bemused to say anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 201

You deserved it 482

The strangeness of strangers

By TMI - 12/06/2024 17:00 - United States

Today, a man with one eye and a severely disfigured face accosted me at the grocery store. What started as a question about my shirt became an explanation for why he looks the way he does: He took a shotgun blast to the face. I didn't ask about or even draw attention to his appearance. Sweet dreams for me tonight! FML

I agree, your life sucks 423

You deserved it 113

Check these out!

By Anonymous - 12/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I was in a rush so when I got home I went to my bedroom, which is on the ground floor, and just started changing my clothes. It wasn’t until I was done I realised my blinds were open. Basically, I'd flashed my thong and tits to a packed bus stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 419

Love Will Tear our T-shirt Apart

By Jeremy - 12/06/2024 09:00 - United States

Today, I did my laundry at a laundromat. When I came back to get my clothes, I found an elderly man wearing my favorite Joy Division t-shirt, and he refused to give it back because he said it was his. I spent a few minutes arguing with him, before realizing I had grabbed someone else's clothes too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 120

You deserved it 462

Doofus

By Burned - 11/06/2024 16:00 - United States

Today, I learned that if you're going to light a bottle rocket and throw it out the window of a car, you should roll the window down before you light the bottle rocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41

You deserved it 992

Alexa, play "Back to the old house" by The Smiths

By I wanna go back - 10/06/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, it's officially been a year since my grandma passed away. I still have the occasional dream where I go to her house and she's right there, waiting for me, after which I wake up sobbing because it will never happen again. I don't wanna be an adult anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 539

You deserved it 94

They're all yours

By anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was having a garage sale and my mother-in-law came by to see what I was selling. She decided to buy these ugly green wine glasses that were still unopened. It turns out that she gave those to my wife and me when we got married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 127

You deserved it 43 798

Fashionable

By arose - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I did a quick load of laundry so I would have work clothes for the week. I don't have my own dryer, so I dried them in the one in my building. After running out to my car, I came back to find that my neighborhood kids had added 6 sharpies to my clothes. Every uniform I own now has stripes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 666

You deserved it 3 375

Life goals

By efmylife - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I threw a paper ball into a recycling bin backwards. I don't know what's more sad: the fact that that was my highlight of my life, or I had been attempting to make that shot every day for three years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 232

You deserved it 7 299

Self report

By Wow ok - 09/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I realized that I am what the internet refers to as a "neckbeard." I really need to get my shit together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 210

You deserved it 309

Family days

By No more - 07/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I don't know why I bothered taking my family to the beach. All my wife wants to do is shop at the same crappy cheap chains she always goes to, and all my son wants to do is watch cartoons. Whenever I suggest anything different, they both throw tantrums. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 113

Check these out

By Kylie - 06/06/2024 23:00 - United States

Today, I got all the way until after lunch before I realized my new pants were basically leggings, and that you could see my pink thong through them. I was in a training with a bunch of the guys that work the production floor, and I’m pretty sure they noticed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200

You deserved it 481

The one with the wedding

By Anonymous - 06/06/2024 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, as I’m single, I got permission to bring a friend as my plus-one to my sister's wedding. He’s religious so I thought of all people he’d be one to behave. Nope. He got plastered on champagne, slapped the brides ass as she was walking down the aisle with our dad, then started a fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 108

Catching strays

By Anonymous - 04/06/2024 13:00 - United States - St Louis

Today, I heard something that sounded like a series of gunshots outside my house. My Dad screamed, "Get down!" at the top of his lungs. The whole family immediately dropped to the floor, my sister whimpering and trembling, only moments later to hear my Dad cackling uncontrollably over us. They were just fireworks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 98

Gunked up

By strokingitasitype - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Gander

Today, I cleaned my computer screen for the first time in ages. When I turned it on a few hours later, I spent an embarrassing amount of time trying to figure out why the brightness was suddenly so painfully high. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 736

You deserved it 28 009

Kinda effed up

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 14:00 - Canada - Laval

Today, my sister is a murderer but my family admitted they prefer her over me. I had to move to a new city to get away from the media and drama, I have no friends, and the only family who calls me is my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 581

You deserved it 83

Tight fit

By Janet is here - 03/06/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, I tried on a sweater in a store. It was a bit tight, but I managed to get it on. When I tried to take it off, it got stuck halfway. After several failed attempts, a sales associate had to help me out of it, while other customers watched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189

You deserved it 464

Freeze!

By Anonymous - 03/06/2024 06:00 - United States - Macon

Today, I was craving a cold Coke, so I grabbed one from the freezer where I had put it to chill quickly. As soon as I opened it, the can exploded all over me and the kitchen. I spent the next hour cleaning sticky residue off the floor, surrounding furniture, and even the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 443

There's always that one friend…

By seriously? - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff

Today, my best friend actually had the audacity to try and one-up my suicide attempt story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 308

You deserved it 10 680

Keywords

Animals Cats Awkward Christmas Health Embarrassing Work Love Boredom Anniversary Abuse Intimacy Ironic Alcohol AITA Am I overreacting? Drunk Transportation Parents Gun control Kids Language Noise Mysterious Relatable Money Delivery Miscellaneous Food Family

The Top

Today, I accidentally called my teacher "Babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 353

You deserved it 15 023

Today, after I invited my friend to a movie and she cancelled on me because she had to study, I obviously agreed and cancelled our tickets, I was scrolling through Instagram stories and came across hers, and saw she was with one of her friends in that same movie theater. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 321

You deserved it 116

The Top

Today, it's the five year anniversary of the day I broke up with my girlfriend to see other people. I've not had sex a single time since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 877

You deserved it 63 881

Today, I took home my grandpa's ashes. I then went out with my grandma, leaving my 5-year-old at home with my 12-year-old. When I got home, my beaming 5-year-old opened the door, covered in white powder. My grandmother asked where all the powder had come from. She pointed to the empty ashbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 323

You deserved it 18 097

Today, I woke up at 6:00 am to the sound of somebody laying on their horn outside my apartment. I ran outside to yell at them only to find out it was my car. The horn was shortcircuting. All my neighbors stood on their porch laughing as I repeatedly punched my steering wheel to make it stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 374

You deserved it 4 167

Today, my wife has moved into the guest room and has been giving me the cold shoulder ever since I asked for a paternity test for our kids. She swears she’s never cheated, so what’s she so offended for? Women make no sense. FML

I agree, your life sucks 184

You deserved it 1 616

Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, she asked me to whisper her name. Apparently, her name isn't Kate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 775

You deserved it 79 185

Today, I went to my gyn to see what a painful lump is under my armpit. Turns out it's breast tissue, and yes, it will fill up with milk when I'm pregnant. I essentially have three boobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 420

You deserved it 2 846