Surprise

Why are we even here?

By Bamboozled - 03/11/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that we were going to go and see my uncle, who lives very far away. I got excited, until I realized they fucking lied so I would attend the funeral of an acquaintance of my father, whom I had never met in my life, and he only met a couple times. This is why I have trust issues. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 009

You deserved it 139

Bullying ain't cool, guys

By FatAndSingle - 17/10/2022 16:00

Today, on my 30th birthday, my mom, aunt, and sister staged an intervention instead of throwing a party. Apparently I’m “ruining my life” by being 300lbs and being "single for 5 years" and I need to “get my act together.” They treated me like I’m some sort of criminal and reduced me to tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 051

You deserved it 817

Startled

By Achoo - 24/09/2022 13:00 - United States

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 874

You deserved it 338

Fancy seeing you here

By Pikababy19 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Mount Vernon

Today, I woke up and heard the shower running. Would have been nice to know my father-in-law was here before I walked in naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 054

You deserved it 2 330

Top o' the mornin' to ya

By Anonymous - 29/07/2022 16:00 - United States - Littleton

Today, I woke up bright and early… because a spider crawled into my ear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 78

Not ready for this

By Anonymous - 05/06/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, I learned, 9 years after the death of my last intimate partner who'd moved away, that I have a 10 year-old child, and after the kid's grandpa died I was listed as a relative. Now I have a 10 year-old on my shoulders. DNA confirmed it was mine, and I never was told. Getting drunk before I take the kid in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 134

You deserved it 420

Let down

By Anonymous - 05/05/2022 06:00

Today, after an ex let me know I have a 19 year old-son. I was beyond excited so I spent the weekend with them and I can tell you now, the boy is a complete prick, and I prefer to continue to claim I’m childless rather than admit I fathered that arrogant, rude, selfish, entitled little shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 470

You deserved it 605

Fancy seeing you here

By mustanggt - 14/04/2022 19:00 - United States - Carlsbad

Today, I met my girlfriend's husband for the first time. It went surprisingly well, despite neither of us knowing the other existed before tonight, but it's still a miserable situation no matter what. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 101

You deserved it 118

Out of the frying pan…

By Anonymous - 29/03/2022 04:00 - United States

Today, I came home after spending two days in the hospital for suicidal ideation and found a summons for jury duty in the mail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 945

You deserved it 151

Not the expected outcome

By Emm - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my family threw me a surprise party. I was so surprised, I punched my mom in the face when she screamed, "SURPRISE!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 122

You deserved it 21 008

Crime prevention

By Anonymous - 07/03/2022 18:00

Today, I found out my boyfriend keeps a sword under the bed, a proper sharp 'knight on horseback' sword instead of the typical baseball bat for burglars, I found this out after I was groping under there for a dropped earring and cut one of my fingers down to the bone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 984

You deserved it 179

Welcome to the world

By Anonymous - 14/02/2022 09:00 - United Kingdom - Preston

Today, I learned it is in fact possible to give birth despite having had no symptoms of pregnancy, including no weight gain. Our daughter made a surprise appearance this morning at 6 lbs exactly, and we are in no way ready. We don’t even have clothes for her. My husband is acting like he’s been concussed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 845

You deserved it 355

Nice try

By Anonymous - 03/11/2021 21:00 - Australia

Today, I've had a crush on a guy for a while - a friend of mine knows this. I finally decided to find out once and for all if there was any chance with him, so I drove to his house, armed with a home cooked meal and wine, only to find the very friend I confided in was at his house. It turns out they are now an item. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 174

You deserved it 177

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 26/09/2021 10:59

Today, my kids did not tell me the AC guy was here. I got up and went to the restroom in my bra and underwear, and the AC guy was standing in the bathroom. Our AC unit is downstairs, so both me and the AC guy were shocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 065

You deserved it 201

Are friends electric?

By Anonymous - 30/07/2021 12:01 - Canada - Bancroft

Today, my neighbor's dog came to visit and I tried to bring him back home like I usually do. Only this time, when I grabbed the dog's collar, they zapped him! And it zapped me! My teeth still hurt! FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 120

All shook up

By Anonymous - 24/07/2021 11:01

Today, I found out that my crush had a girlfriend. The way I found it out? He hugged me from behind, calling her name and saying darling, etc. When I turned around in shock, he quickly backed away and said, "Sorry , I thought you were someone else." FML

I agree, your life sucks 951

You deserved it 107

That went well

By Gigi - 02/07/2021 13:59

Today, my now ex-fiancé walked out on me on our wedding day. He decided his best female friend, whom he constantly told me not to worry about while we were together, is his "soulmate." Both of them ran away together to god knows where, while I stood there humiliated in front of our family and friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 191

You deserved it 167

Witnessed

By heathen atheist - 17/09/2020 10:01

Today, during a family road trip, my mom decided to spring a surprise conversion on us. This included screaming bible verses, blasting crazy gospel music and sobbing that we needed to repent before we’re all condemned to hell for eternity. She did this for 4 hours straight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 405

You deserved it 261

Surprise !

By Shrekkk - 02/07/2019 06:14

Today, I accidentally connected my phone to my mum's headphones while watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 822

You deserved it 2 593

Oh, hai Mark!

By Anonymous - 03/05/2019 18:00

Today, I met my new psychologist for the first time. Expecting it to be someone I wouldn’t know, the door opens and out walks a man I hooked up with once. What makes it worse was he pissed my bed that night. I never called him back or spoke to him again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 256

Surprise!

By PartyPooper - 18/09/2018 03:00 - Netherlands

Today, I attended my graduation ceremony. My parents acted mysteriously and kept urging me to go home, since we had to be "on time" for something. Thinking they might have planned a surprise party, I left my friends behind. I missed my graduation because my mom wanted to watch a TV show. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 872

You deserved it 332

Surprise!

By BadKitty - 11/09/2016 13:37 - Australia - Invermay

Today, I woke up to a loud bang. Thinking someone had broken in, I grabbed my hunting knife and ran downstairs, only to find my TV on the floor, completely destroyed, and my cat casually sitting next to it without a care in the world. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 939

You deserved it 1 278

Holy shit

By embarrassed - 04/01/2016 17:58 - United States - Garden Grove

Today, I was in church. During the prayer, I moved my foot and it pressed against the automatic button on my umbrella causing it to suddenly open. As if that wasn't bad enough, I screamed simultaneously at the shock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 030

You deserved it 3 420

By Anonymous - 29/03/2014 03:02 - Canada - Rosthern

Today, while at work, I went to unlock the washroom for a customer. Normally we don't allow customers to use the staff washrooms, so I was as surprised as the guy I found sitting on the toilet when I opened the door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 232

You deserved it 4 158

Classic blunder

By Anonymous - 15/05/2012 14:13 - United States

Today, I found out my best friend was having a birthday party and I wasn't invited, so I asked her why. She replied, "What birthday party?" It was a surprise birthday party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 385

You deserved it 31 232

Gammy got game

By moetplease - 03/05/2012 16:32 - Singapore

Today, my grandma moved in with us. Along with her 36-year-old boyfriend that none of us knew about. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 755

You deserved it 3 816

PTSD

By Anonymous - 05/10/2009 17:28 - United States

Today, I flew in to visit my long distance girlfriend. When I got out of the cab, I saw her way down the street walking the dog, so I hid behind the bushes to scare/surprise her. Mission accomplished. I just wish I hadn't bought her that pepper spray. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 478

You deserved it 45 175

Surprised?

By neverbeensurprised - 14/08/2009 05:29 - United States

Today, I found out my friend has been texting my long distance boyfriend more than I do. When I confronted her about it, she confessed that it was because they had been planning a surprise appearance for me. I've never been surprised before, and I ruined my own surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 194

You deserved it 47 281

Whoops

By Anonymous - 02/08/2009 01:29 - United States

Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend. I invited all his friend and made all his favorite food. He was running very late, so I called to ask what was taking so long. His response? He said he was at his house, with the very friends I was standing next to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 629

You deserved it 4 111

Surprise!

By Muscle - 06/03/2009 21:07 - Canada

Today, I flew home early from a two-month trip to Europe to surprise my boyfriend on his birthday. When I got to his house with a home baked cake from scratch and a quilt with silk-screened pictures from my trip, his roommate answered the door and said, "Oh sorry, he's out with his girlfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 170

You deserved it 3 975

Keywords

Animals Gross Poopoo peepee Cats Love Awkward Smells Miscellaneous Embarrassing Painful Health First Dates Christmas Work Grieving Social Media Music Anniversary Boredom Abuse Intimacy Ironic Alcohol AITA Am I overreacting? Transportation Drunk Gun control Kids Parents

The Top

Today, my grad student husband was unusually frisky in the middle of the day. I took the opportunity and we had an enjoyable afternoon romp. Afterward, I asked him what had gotten him in such a good mood. He replied, "I'd do just about anything to get out of doing my homework." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 405

You deserved it 4 186

Today, after having a long talk with my mother about LGBT rights, she told me that she was totally open. I felt completely relieved, being gay myself. Seconds later, she said, "But not for you. I want you to find me a nice girl that can give me lots of grandkids." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 059

You deserved it 5 241

The Top

Today, my husband asked with genuine concern if I would be able to breast feed our kids when they are born, since my boobs are so small. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 121

You deserved it 256

Today, after 5 hours of attempting to sleep, I began to finally drift off. Then, some fuckwit who'd parked his car right outside my door took 20 minutes to switch his alarm off. I have to be up in about 4 hours, after a 12-hour night shift, heading into another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 636

You deserved it 117

Today, I'm pregnant. So far, I have been criticized about 20 times for “making poor choices.” Not only did we use a condom, I’m also on the pill, and have an IUD. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 099

You deserved it 196

Today, I had to explain to my sobbing teenage daughter why you can't get pregnant from masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 719

You deserved it 9 376

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 705

You deserved it 9 172

Today, my alarm went off. I snoozed it, and went on to dream that I got out of bed, did my business, brushed my teeth, took my breakfast, changed into my working attire, and was ready for work that morning. My alarm rang a second time, I had to do all that over again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 611

You deserved it 4 407