Holidays: Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find...

By Anonymous - 17/06/2013 20:07 - United States

Today, I returned home from a month long trip overseas to find that my bird sitter has trained my parrot to whisper, "You're going to die" in a sinister voice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 761

You deserved it 7 001

End-of-year festivities: New Year's Eve fun and frolics
End the year on a high note with anecdotes where every New Year's Eve firecracker is synonymous with laughter! More…

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Same thing different taste

By sweetie808 - 28/01/2016 08:39 - United States - Kailua Kona

Today, around 12 a.m., my pet parrot said a sentence I've never heard him say before. Usually this would be exciting, but considering he said, 'I killed the bird', and that one of my two love birds mysteriously died a few days ago, it's safe to say I'm now terrified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 761

You deserved it 1 788

By weep weep weep - 12/03/2012 03:04 - United States

Today, after months of teaching my parrot to speak, he finally demonstrated his abilities. I accidentally set off my smoke detector, and he's been wailing like a dying banshee ever since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 927

You deserved it 3 851

By Anonymous - 09/06/2016 19:39 - Germany - Munich

Today, I have to look after my best friend's parrot for a few days. One minute out of the room, I came back in to find out that the parrot had taught my three-year-old the word "slut". Now the two won't stop screaming "slut" throughout the whole house. My wife thinks both learned the word from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 230

You deserved it 1 157

By In urgent need of a new roommate - 26/03/2014 23:44 - United States - West Linn

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 553

You deserved it 3 366

By Anna - 15/06/2012 09:43 - United States - Buellton

Today, I was driving my parrot home from the vet. As I was driving home, I decided to let her sit on my shoulder. Something scared her, and she started flapping in my face, causing me to crash my car into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 770

You deserved it 51 776

By Devil's Pigeon - 18/04/2017 14:00

Today, on vacation, I had my first encounter with a macaw parrot, who promptly bit my ear and shat on me while amused tourists laughed and took pictures. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 250

You deserved it 414

Impressive

By Anonymous - 19/03/2009 02:57 - United States

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. In his front room was a giant parrot. Hoping to impress them, I went over to the bird and began talking to it proving I wasn't scared. Out of nowhere, it's beak clenched onto my nose making it gush blood on the carpet. I was hospitalized. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 437

You deserved it 19 348

Enjoy the sirens

By Anonymous - 17/03/2023 04:00

Today, my parrot learned how to imitate my baby's crying. Now, every time the baby cries, the parrot joins in, and it sounds like a chorus of screaming. FML

I agree, your life sucks 863

You deserved it 195

What did you say?

By What? - 22/01/2013 19:00 - Australia

Today, I found out my ten year-old brother and his best friend have taught our new parrot to say, "Shut up, bitch." We have a bunch of our extended family coming over tomorrow to see what the parrot can say. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 659

You deserved it 4 110

Just do it

By tulisa - 21/02/2015 04:25 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 371

You deserved it 4 464

TheDrifter 23

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

That is just awesome. Don't tell people before they stay over, trust me, it'll be great.

wootwootimahoot 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

The sitter should have taught it to say "Help! I'm trapped in a parrot's body!"

Comments

FMLbutYDI 17

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:10

Watch your back.

klaralynn 17

Tuesday 18 June 2013 3:39

The number of YDI 's at this moment is 911. I agree. Watch your back, keep your phone near by.

whos_ur_daddy1 19

Tuesday 18 June 2013 4:21

Probably should buy a new bird...

edris_305 21

Tuesday 18 June 2013 8:02

Dont feed it at midnight or let it go near water :-p

Akay4 14

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:10

In the end everybody does.

rg350dx 29

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:14

Well aren't you just a ray of sunshine?

evan_7899 28

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:39

this made laugh so hard...

MisterEx 28

Tuesday 18 June 2013 2:06

^ then you must be easily entertained. It's a gift. Embrace it.

TheDrifter 23

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

That is just awesome. Don't tell people before they stay over, trust me, it'll be great.

herpaderpaherp 17

Tuesday 18 June 2013 7:54

That would scare the shit out of me

wootwootimahoot 10

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:11

The sitter should have taught it to say "Help! I'm trapped in a parrot's body!"

LeonnJ 13

Tuesday 18 June 2013 2:00

That would be AWESOME

dancinwookie 21

Tuesday 18 June 2013 2:40

Maybe he was yelling, "You're gonna die!" at the bird in frustration? They are noisy lil b@$tards!

ManInTheMachine 19

Tuesday 18 June 2013 0:12

You sure it was the trainer? Your parrot might be an incarnation of Jack the Ripper. Just watch your back. Don't want to wake up to a butcher knife and "BWARRR! Polly gonna get away with murder!"