Health, Weird, Cops and Work: Am I being detained?

Am I being detained?

By JimmyT - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 021

You deserved it 14 496

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/07/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 541

You deserved it 4 440

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 606

You deserved it 4 359

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 204

By shitless88 - 20/08/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 866

You deserved it 4 266

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 157

By ~__~ - 20/03/2015 21:23

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 2 463

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 3 079

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 07/08/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 599

You deserved it 4 048

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 395

You deserved it 66 459

Adula 14

Monday 4 March 2013 9:10

It's one of the wierdest fmls I've ever read on this site.

cmb8280 24

Monday 4 March 2013 9:07

Omg, this just keeps getting better and better! Did not see that ending coming though; FYL.

Comments

Pleonasm 35

Monday 4 March 2013 9:18

Yea I get that too, where I come from! I work at a retirement home. But you can be sure as hell they didn't get no glass of water or kill my family.

VIPwhenever 15

Monday 4 March 2013 14:17

Haha....wait...O_O.

somecoolperson1 2

Monday 4 March 2013 15:48

... But you sucked their dick :p

andyyroxx 20

Monday 4 March 2013 9:22

So if you make a piss pun urine troubl- NO! MY FAMILY!

Pleonasm 35

Monday 4 March 2013 9:22

No need to act so pissy about it.

andyyroxx 20

Monday 4 March 2013 9:25

But I have a tinkling of a notion that we're in a wee wee bit of trouble...

chanellgymnast 17

Monday 4 March 2013 9:29

This is so weird on so many levels.

karlcolt45 19

Monday 4 March 2013 9:33

“you want more water? what so you can make more piss?? no! no more!"

Bakarra 22

Monday 4 March 2013 9:35

OP slips and falls...POW RIGHT IN THE PISSER. Did i do that right guys? GUYS??

node_fml 5

Monday 4 March 2013 9:55

Wouldn't the inmate be locked down if he pissed all over the floor? Sounds like you guys aren't doing something right where you work.

BrandiLush 31

Tuesday 5 March 2013 5:07

Inmates do all kind of unimaginable things you would be shocked to know about. That's nothing, when they mix shit and piss, leaving out for a week before they chunk it on you is a better reason to put them in solitary.

node_fml 5

Tuesday 5 March 2013 5:51

Locking you down and solitary confinement are two different things. I guess if they were in a dorm all they could do is make him bunk up, but maybe the were some where like intake where he wasn't booked in yet.