Health, Weird, Cops and Work: Am I being detained?

Am I being detained?

By JimmyT - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Norway - Bergen

Today, while mopping floors at the police station, an inmate pissed on the floor, demanded that I suck his dick, begged me for a glass of water, and finally informed me that he would kill my family. I said nothing and he started weeping softly. I laughed, but slipped in his piss and broke my arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 021

You deserved it 14 496

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 20/07/2014 05:23 - United States

Today, I had to check up on a 400-pound inmate who was very upset about being locked up. When I got to his cell, he threw one of his own turds at me through the bars. I took a hit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 541

You deserved it 4 440

By waterdog - 18/04/2011 20:12 - United States

Today, I was carefully drawing blood from a drunk who'd threatened to kill me if I hurt him, when another drunk behind me decided to take a piss on my leg. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 606

You deserved it 4 359

We could be heroes

By OhPleaseNo - 07/04/2020 14:00 - OhPleaseNo

Today, I was at work at my local hospital. I went to the toilet to empty my bladder; the door was half open so I assumed it was empty. Upon opening the door, I was greeted with a half naked old man, who then yelled at me and violently shat himself, all over the walls and floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 711

You deserved it 204

By shitless88 - 20/08/2011 00:23 - United States

Today, I'm sitting in a public toilet when a guy kicks the door in and shoves a police badge in my face, screaming for me to tell him "the path of Lemmiwinks". After a whole minute of me shitting my balls off, he bursts into laughter and tells me I've been pranked. I was too embarrassed to report him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 866

You deserved it 4 266

Parp Blarp Mall Carp

By Clinch - 25/02/2022 04:00

Today, I was security at a shopping centre and tried to stop a guy from drinking in public. He told me to fuck off and "go play cops and robbers somewhere else", so I tried to escort him to the security office. He picked me up with one hand and threw me in the fountain. My boss let him go with a warning. I hate my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 022

You deserved it 157

By ~__~ - 20/03/2015 21:23

Today, I had to bail my drunk dad out of jail after he beat the shit out of a mime artist. All he had to say on the matter was "Fucking bastard was playing mind games." and that he'd beat him up again if he could. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 660

You deserved it 2 463

Pissed

By TJ. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, my friend whacked me in the family jewels while I was washing my hands in our college bathroom. While I lay writhing in pain on the floor, a guy at the urinal turned around towards me to see what was wrong. He was still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 671

You deserved it 3 079

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35 - United States

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 915

You deserved it 6 020

By hardee fucking har yourself, sir - 07/08/2013 22:00 - United Kingdom - Stockport

Today, a guy started taking a leak beside me at the urinal. Evidently he figured he wasn't being enough of a cockbite, because he looked at my junk, laughed, "HAH!" then broke down into hysterics and totally lost control of his stream. I smell like piss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 599

You deserved it 4 048

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 02:09 - United States

Today, I tried to put my friend's hand in lukewarm water while he was sleeping, to see if he'd pee himself. He woke up and punched me in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 395

You deserved it 66 459

Adula 14

Monday 4 March 2013 9:10

It's one of the wierdest fmls I've ever read on this site.

cmb8280 24

Monday 4 March 2013 9:07

Omg, this just keeps getting better and better! Did not see that ending coming though; FYL.

Comments

pussystank 18

Monday 4 March 2013 10:53

Why do you FML people hate puns???

whY402Jay 12

Monday 4 March 2013 10:58

Hope none of it splashed into your mouth.

andyyroxx 20

Monday 4 March 2013 11:11

They don't, you just gotta execute them properly.

KareBear7364 5

Monday 4 March 2013 11:14

now that's a bad day.

Zomg_Okay 26

Monday 4 March 2013 11:29

We hate over-used puns and poorly executed puns. Puns in general? No, we love those.

LoveLamp 13

Monday 4 March 2013 12:04

He's a criminal mastermind, that was his plan all along.

interesting33 36

Monday 4 March 2013 12:06

I don't know the situation and obviously it is quite disturbing for you and you possibly have to put up with a lot of this, but it sounds like this person wasn't quite right in the head. Surely you should have asked him what was wrong or got him assessed or some help rather than just laughing? But then again, I don't know what I would have done.

Lizzy500 16

Monday 4 March 2013 15:02

There's too many inmates like this for that to be feasible. Probably a drunk, hence the stupid running of the mouth and the copious urine puddle. There's also a lot of ways to take "I laughed"-did he laugh in the inmate's face or just chuckle to himself under his breath?

Lizzy500 16

Monday 4 March 2013 15:03

Also I think I've been around cops too long, because I didn't find this FML weird at all.

Fsvb 32

Monday 4 March 2013 16:16

Best thing is to just ignore, like OP did. I would imagine the prisoner was very angry and was trying to react that anger out to someone who he could take on/who was no threat, or he was perhaps trying to impress other people around him.

BrandiLush 31

Tuesday 5 March 2013 5:08

I've worked in prison too long to think this would be a good day.

andyyroxx 20

Monday 4 March 2013 13:04

And if you point things out, like "Haha, execute. Like the prison executioner. Haha."

Omnomnymous 10

Monday 4 March 2013 13:52

Sweet sweet karma.

buckdharma 37

Monday 4 March 2013 13:53

Let me get this straight he tooka pee, said suck my D, I'm thirsty, need FIJI, or I'll off your family. His duress, you found humorous, slipped in his mess and broke your humerus?