"Hey babe, how does it feel to have blue balls for the rest of your life?"

Well if he is dating her then obviously he cares about her. I'm assuming he was joking or OP is fat and the question is valid. Lose some weight if it bothers you so much. He must not really care though if he is dating her.

It might've been a general question, not him calling her fat. As in 'how do you think fat people feel'.

Am I the only one who is peeved at the fact that OP wrote "pensive AND thoughtful" ?

Also, he's not rude for calling her fat if she actually IS fat. If you're overweight, pretending you're not will not make you thin - and feeling insulted when others tell you the truth won't either. It's not an insult, it's a descriptive term. And if it applies to you, denial isn't going to change anything.

80 - do you really think an overweight person doesn't realise? Do you think you are doing them a favour by insulting them to their face with your "descriptors"? Yes, you are insulting them. Do you also like to explain to developmentally delayed kids that they aren't "normal"?

Do not relate a group of people who have a choice, and a group of people who don't have a choice.

I am not insulting an overweight person by acknowledging their weight. If they are happy with it, they have nothing to feel insulted about, and if they're not, they are welcome to change it. And since you asked, yes, I think if your body percentage is above the normal range and you feel insulted by someone saying you're fat you're in denial - either about your actual weight or your choice in the matter. Unlike mental development, your weight is something you can very much control. If you don't want to, that is your choice, but don't complain when people call you out on it.

86 - ok, good point. But also, by similar logic, don't pretend that you have someone's best interests at heart when really you are just devaluing them

Sometimes it isn't a choice metabolism could really be in issue or the OP could be taking a medication which contributes to weight gain. Skinny doesn't mean healthy either, I've got skinny friends/average size friends that are in terrible shape. I've known plenty of women that are big, but are comfortable with their weight, but still don't like being called fat. They know they are big, but sometimes there isn't a whole lot that can be done even when they eat right and get exercise that's just how their body is.

The word 'fat' has such negative connotations that when one says it, the words 'ugly' and 'nasty' come to mind, along with other negative thoughts. I would like to point out that some people are overweight because they have emotional problems that they deal with by eating. So by using such a derogatory term, you're feeding in to their negative self-image and further pushing them into their habits. This is why I think 'overweight' is much better.

You are right the connotation is rather negative. I prefer "big" I don't mean it in a mean way "fat" has a much more negative image. I always thought using the word assumed that they are out of shape, but also ugly. Most people are well aware of there size. I'm in shape, but skinny there is only so much I can do( I eat a lot, but don't gain much weight). I'm comfortable with it, though if someone (my gf has done this) made jokes about it to a point where I was uncomfortable with it. I turned it around on her( she's big) and didn't like it very much. Sometimes you can only do so much about weight.

Rephrase question into I wonder how fat people feel. not that.... possibly innocent query. possible asshole

Like when Peter told Lois she was getting fat

And what reason does OP have to do that exactly? This is a legitimate question.

Normally, I wouldn't agree with ending a relationship based on one bad thing (that we are aware of), and I'm not really sure how I feel about it now, but the reasons would be for being insensitive, rude, and calling her fat.

Why is it so horrible and mean of him to ask this? If she actually is overweight, her boyfriend pretending she isn't is not going to make her lose weight. He didn't threaten to dump her because of her weight, he didn't call her names, he asked what it was like to be in her skin. If she is so insecure about her weight that people are not allowed to mention it, then shouldn't she consider changing it instead of acting like it's not an issue? This would only be a rude question if OP is in the normal weight range. If she's not - either own up to it or lose the extra fat.

Yeah, and I totally agree with where you're coming from. If she knows it's true and doesn't like it then she should change it, but I still think it was kind of rude.

If she's fat and he isn't, it's a legitimate question. He was wondering what being overweight is like, she's in possession of the answer. Who was he going to ask, another thin person? The only reason people are outraged is because women tend to be insecure about their weight and immediately take all inquiries as insults. If she is fat and doesn't like it, she should try to lose the weight, if she's fat and fine with it, questions really shouldn't bother her. Like I said, it's only rude if she's not overweight.

Yeah, I understand. You have persuaded me! ha

If she took the time to post this, I'm assuming she was insulted by it.

So... If you have incredibly bad acne and I say, "how does it feel to have pimples all over?", you wouldn't think that's rude? Keep in mind weight gain can be caused by hormones, or other biological reasons. Who's to say she isn't trying to lose weight? It's rude and that's all.

Who else could he have been directing it towards, genius?

Huh. And here I thought deliberate eye contact generally went along with addressing a person. Clearly I need to brush up on my communication skills.

I think #45 is trying to say that maybe he wasn't directing the question at her because she is fat, but was more just wondering out loud.