Love, Health, Sex and Intimacy: Bazinga

Bazinga

By Anonymous - 20/03/2009 15:07 - United States

Today, I had my girlfriend over and we were hugging when she put her feet on my feet. We started walking around like that and I said, "This is hard to maintain." She replied with "So's your erection." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 694

You deserved it 17 086

The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. More…

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Same thing different taste

By arctic1 - 27/05/2009 09:45 - United States

Today, me and my girlfriend were heading back to her place. On the way there, she was rubbing and stroking me. When we got there, I asked her mom for a congrats hug. I forgot I had a hard on from my girlfriend. She felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 327

You deserved it 68 711

By illequipt - 16/03/2009 03:20 - Canada

Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my cock over my jeans and said, "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204 578

You deserved it 32 066

By Anonymous - 24/04/2013 18:56 - United States - Huntington Park

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 82 469

You deserved it 9 863

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, i started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 047

You deserved it 5 428

By Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 302

You deserved it 33 321

Pleased to see me?

By Anonymous - 28/10/2011 23:39 - United States

Today, I went over to my friend's house. We were teasing each other, when she stood up and began to jokingly walk away. Trying to be cute, I tried to pull her onto my knee. I miscalculated and she ended up sitting right on my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 806

You deserved it 20 050

By timmynotjimmy - 28/10/2009 01:28 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 374

You deserved it 3 936

Smooth talker

By ugh - 31/01/2012 00:25 - United States

Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 972

You deserved it 5 606

By ScottyB - 22/12/2014 08:05 - United States - Peabody

Today, my girlfriend of two years asked me why I would never tie her shoes for her. I confessed to her my deep hatred of feet. Later, I woke up from a nap next to my girlfriend. With her feet in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 747

You deserved it 6 627

By sixsix - 24/12/2008 11:19 - France

Today, I made love to my girlfriend. I penetrated her for a while, then stopped to get my breath back... She carried on moaning even though I'd stopped moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 180

You deserved it 8 661

Weil 0

Friday 20 March 2009 20:04

Owned.

Astroman129 7

Saturday 27 March 2010 14:40

Yeah, I hate when some people decide to make things a lot more depressing for no reason. It would be even worse if you had erectile dysfunction. =[

Comments

iamsansname 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 6:42

That's really more of a 'that's what she said'/'so's your face'. If it starts with "so's your" it's generally not to be taken seriously, nor is it usually a particularly good joke. You totally walked into it.

Wooksta 0

Sunday 22 March 2009 18:06

ha, she sounds witty, probably a joke

thelastnerd 5

Sunday 22 March 2009 18:41

You should have replied with, "And who's fault is that?"

fyasko124 0

Monday 23 March 2009 3:28

haha she must of been really comfortable with you to say that dont take it as an insult brah

courtgirl263 0

Tuesday 24 March 2009 4:43

thats sexy... lucky gf

Vehicle 1

Saturday 28 March 2009 19:00

I wasn't there... But to me it sounds like she was just kidding around.

persephone13 0

Monday 6 April 2009 17:55

Reading over this and other related FMLs...there are some MEAN women out there! WTF??? There are some lines you don't cross--even if it happens to be true, for god's sake, give the guy a break!

BEB131 0

Tuesday 14 April 2009 4:43

Cuz of her face

MozillaFirefox 0

Tuesday 21 April 2009 18:13

Obviously, she didn't realize how overly sensitive her boyfriend is. Unless you're just posting a funny anecdote from your life, in which case, go you for laughing.

toaster135 0

Saturday 25 April 2009 23:31

clearly she was joking but it was totally inappropriate. just because you're joking doesn't make any subject matter completely okay. first of all, his erection was not even an issue. the two were having a fun moment, and she brings his friggin dick into it. ridiculous. what if they were walking and saw a squirrel, she says "wow thats really small", and he says, "so are your ****"? equally inappropriate, not funny, and hurtful. and I love how people think she's 'witty'. thats seriously a really bad joke. and for those calling it a 'comeback', comebacks are used in response to insults, not innocent comments. jesus.