Intimacy: Clenched

Clenched

By Lovergirl - 01/01/2010 20:23 - United States

Today, I was snuggled in bed with my husband. He thought because my butt was twitching that I was trying to be frisky. So he slapped my ass hard in attempt to get something going. I was actually trying to hold in a huge fart because last night I had diarrhea. Apparently I still have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 799

You deserved it 3 945

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Same thing different taste

Hilarious

By Anonymous - 01/02/2012 20:21 - United States

Today, my morning sickness has been so bad that my husband's farts send me running to the bathroom. He thinks it's hilarious, and has been following me around all day trying to crack one off in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 281

You deserved it 4 015

Blasted

By coolest_mom - 25/11/2015 06:00

Today, while changing my daughter's diaper, I lifted up her butt to wipe her, which coincidentally caused her to fart. I hadn't wiped her yet so the force of air caused poop to fly at me at high speed, landing on my chest and face. My husband burst out laughing, saying, "You've been ass-blasted!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 047

You deserved it 2 968

By byebyeromance - 26/08/2014 01:03 - United States - State College

Today, I was cuddling my boyfriend before going to bed. He farted really loud and spat in my face as he laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 315

You deserved it 5 073

Crack wars

By Grimmy - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Brunswick

Today, after asking my hubby for what seems the millionth time to stop shoving his finger into my bum crack, I thought it would be funny to give him a taste of his own medicine by doing it to him. Right as my finger was in his crack, he let loose a huge fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 143

You deserved it 10 151

Threat Neutralized

By Anonymous - 23/07/2018 18:36 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I farted so loudly in my sleep that it woke myself, my husband, and our cat. The cat let me know he was startled by clawing and biting the perceived threat, my bum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 316

You deserved it 730

Leaked

By Morgan Bailey - 18/09/2018 14:00

Today, I tried to let out a small fart in a crowded restaurant. I had diarrhea. I walked past several families to get to the bathroom and clean myself up, only to still go home with a huge wet spot down my ass. My shirt wasn't long enough to hide it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 746

You deserved it 893

By Thanks Honey - 05/06/2013 15:08 - United States

Today, I found my husband farting on my pillows, bare ass. His only words were, "This isn't what it looks like." FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 603

You deserved it 5 196

The language of love

By disgusted - 24/09/2012 19:16 - United Kingdom - Harpenden

Today, my husband asked me to spoon him. He used it as an excuse to start farting on me. Yep, this is my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 928

You deserved it 6 528

By Big Baby - 28/01/2017 00:00

Today, I was awoken by my wife patting my head and talking in her sleep, asking, "Who is this? Who am I touching?" She then rolled over and farted on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 455

You deserved it 809

Time to flee the crime scene

By Anonymous - 22/10/2022 10:00

Today, my date from the night before let me stay behind when he had left for work. While relaxing, I figured I'd be fine to let a little fart out. Unbeknownst to me, not eating enough food over the past few days turned the contents of my bowels to liquid. I sharted on their bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 373

You deserved it 871

GeekLogic 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:26

A skunk's defense against the buttsecks?

Fmypanda 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 1:32

**** your husband's life.

Comments

tman118 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 2:40

hot

kirakira333 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:04

nothings sexier than diarrhea in bed ;D

dangletsbang21 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:22

ahahaahahhaha

Doosam94 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:22

LOL

relaxdude 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:50

Let a guy smack you around and he get what he is . . . piece of SHIT

lil_ham1644 29

Monday 4 August 2014 17:06

Spanking is a bit different than being smacked around. Although, it's all relative; some people like extremely rough sex.

murphey13 9

Tuesday 2 September 2014 20:20

You're an idiot

zelly05 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 3:50

lol ewww FYL lmao

azurablade 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:26

YDI for havin diarreah.

ashhh42 0

Monday 25 October 2010 18:13

learn to spell fucktard.

ashhh42 0

Monday 25 October 2010 18:13

learn to spell fucktard.

cinnaluna 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:50

Isnt that what the bathroom is for...?

skyttlz 32

Saturday 11 December 2010 8:04

Who would sit on the toilet for a fart

jordenjay 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 4:57

ew so you shit yourself with a nasty wet fart to start it off lollll ewwwww

SecretAznMan364 5

Saturday 2 January 2010 5:19

HAHA!! Ever heard of Imodium. I think that's how it's spelled! You doo doo up on everything. Can't even hold it back!

Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Miscellaneous Cute Haircut Relatable Cars You're fired Work Kids Parenting Family DIY Cats Am I overreacting? Intimacy Sex Management Poopoo peepee Capitalism Coworkers Frustration Animals ADHD Dogs Transportation Dating Health Anxiety

The Top

Today, my brother and sister-in-law come over ONLY to use up the resources at our house - like food, TV subscriptions, and other items. They claim to love my kids and come over for them. If only they would look up from their phone and spend actual time with the kids. Is there a way to block toxic relatives? FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 98

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 475

You deserved it 1 242

The Top

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 926

You deserved it 4 062

Today, while taking out the trash late at night with my mom, a group of people drove by and decided it would be funny to turn around and chase us up the driveway in their car. Before I even realized what was happening, my mom was already halfway to the house yelling back, "You're on your own!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 566

You deserved it 1 322

Today, I came home and caught my husband in a compromising position. He was watching Twilight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 025

You deserved it 604

Today, I had to call a parent and tell them that their special needs daughter is pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 168

You deserved it 2 165

Today, I have been vomiting for 4 days. Tomorrow, my landlord is insisting on inspecting my flat. I now either have to clean my house whilst trying not to throw up all around it, or fail my inspection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 172

You deserved it 1 254

Today, my boyfriend snuck into my house and hid in my closet. Knowing that I have a phobia of people jumping out of closets, he nonetheless thought it would be funny to see how I'd react. I had a panic attack and was taken to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 313

You deserved it 6 855

Same thing different taste

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