Conspiracy theorist and Love: Cocobananas

Cocobananas

By why... - 05/06/2012 17:21 - United States - East Orange

Today, my husband went nuts. He's quit his job and set out building an amateur bomb shelter in our backyard. According to him, there's "substantial evidence" that cannibalism is on the rise across the country, and that "it's gonna be like Resident Evil out there, babe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 042

You deserved it 3 542

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 21/08/2015 19:02 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I overheard my husband telling his friend that he wished a zombie apocalypse would happen in real life, so he could take me out back and shoot me without having to worry about going to prison. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 569

You deserved it 2 630

Survivor

By whyyy - 21/11/2011 23:26 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad's mid-life crisis has finally started. He's blacked all our windows, barricaded the door to the backyard, and set up a bunch of security cameras in and out of the house. It seems he's been reading up on Survivalist and Masonic conspiracy theory bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 911

You deserved it 2 681

By zombieguyswife - 28/06/2012 23:44 - United States - Branson

Today, I found out that the only way I can convince my husband to start working out is by convincing him that we are training for when the "zombie outbreak" happens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 087

You deserved it 3 984

Midlife crisis in style

By Anonymous - 15/03/2022 14:00

Today, my husband started his midlife crisis with a bang, or rather several bangs, as he admitted that there are two women out there pregnant with his babies. Oh, and he quit his job to escape the daily grind. Oh, and he remortgaged the house to buy a truck so we could go cross country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 469

You deserved it 110

Survivalist

By John Johnson - 10/04/2022 02:00

Today, a friend moved into my new house. He was a great roommate years ago, but COVID seems to have driven him mad. He brought a huge stockpile of non-perishable food, and keeps talking about "fortifying" the house. He's trying to build a composting outhouse right now. Send help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 232

By Anonymous - 10/03/2012 02:05 - United States

Today, my husband sat me down on the couch so he could share some "awesome" news with me. He excitedly declared that he and his idiot drinking buddies are planning on running a real-life Fight Club out of our basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 936

You deserved it 3 249

Dealing with it

By Anonymous - 26/03/2020 02:05

Today, my husband's idea of social isolation is to lock himself in his caravan with his Xbox, 200 cans of beer and a dozen takeaway menus. I’ve not seen him in 6 days, and when I tried to force entry to tell him to snap out of it, he sprayed disinfectant at me until I couldn’t breathe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 150

You deserved it 489

Lunch Special

By Luisa - 09/01/2020 01:00

Today, we have nearly no food in the house. My husband went shopping with the kids and returned with a sack of tomatoes. Time to make lunch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 067

You deserved it 242

By ldrik1 - 11/06/2014 20:36 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 227

You deserved it 4 812

Extreme cooking

By oldmold - 23/07/2020 17:01

Today, my husband and I got into a huge argument. He called me wasteful for throwing out old food. He insisted that you can simply pick the mold off and the food was perfectly fine. He’s going to kill our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 243

ohcoolstorybro 14

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:30

Miami zombie is real

PlaidPanda 9

Tuesday 5 June 2012 22:45

Because the cops shot the guy FIVE times before he went down, I'm guessing one of them was in the head.. Have you heard about the mother eating her baby, the dude eating his roommate, and there have been a few other ones out there too. I don't believe this is a "zombie pandemic" but some freaky shit is going on.

Comments

Calyx_fml 21

Wednesday 6 June 2012 0:38

Your husband needs professional help. Have him call Zombie Fortresses Inc.

NBL_fml 8

Wednesday 6 June 2012 0:59

I think he's on to something probably shouldn't have quit his job but still.

thebaconweave 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 1:01

It's true...on in Florida and one in San Antonio

GMS1 7

Wednesday 6 June 2012 3:11

What happened in San Antonio?

alyssaann32512 3

Wednesday 6 June 2012 1:03

Heard about something about a guy eating another guys face :o zombiesssssss O.o

killdozer1 2

Wednesday 6 June 2012 1:07

Am I the only one who stopped taking the t-virus seriously when I played [PROTOTYPE]?

kevinn95 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 1:29

Shrike- i never said being famous makes them right im saying they have the most influence over people so thats why they turn to them first look at eminem hes portrayed a white trash gangster blah blah but that wasnt the real him he went through all these drug thing blah blah and what happened when he turned his life around? He got put on the shelves hes been making a lot of music lately but because its different and its not what they want u hardly hear his name anymore the media has f*** up our generation mtv turned from music and real stuff to jersey shore all this stuff is just making the future generations dumber

THE_A_TEEN 27

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:25

Apparently you try to mix different topics together into a clusterfuck of ranting to appeal to everypne and hide your ideas. Also, having the most influence over people mean we have to listen to them? And by your comments, you're talking about successful, well (un)known, non-political people.

inkyloveblot 2

Wednesday 6 June 2012 1:48

Bring him sandwiches woman! He's out there protecting you!

MoodyPanda19 14

Wednesday 6 June 2012 1:49

Ha! Then I must be screwed (live about 2hrs away from miami)

thedavidharrison 0

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:02

There was a case of cannibalism in california as wellll.

OfficeNinja 5

Wednesday 6 June 2012 2:15

That's what happens when people watch too much Fox News and Doomsday Preppers. They become unhinged and lose touch with reality. I'm afraid you are in for a bad time. He will spend all your money and savings on "zombie perpetration" - getting more and more obsessed as he goes along.