Sex, Cute and Intimacy: Cute but annoying

Cute but annoying

By Anonymous - 17/12/2010 17:08 - United States

Today, while on my honeymoon with my new wife, I tried to be romantic by installing a clapper to the lights in our room. As things progressed, the noise of our love making triggered the lights on and off repeatedly. She began to laugh and we ended up just calling it an early night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 404

You deserved it 14 011

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Same thing different taste

By KayleeXLoVe21 - 03/11/2011 23:48 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. The lights kept on going on and off. Why? The lights are activated by "clap on, clap off." It killed the mood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 927

You deserved it 9 740

TMI

By SoggyPancakes - 11/03/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I decided to call my wife while she was having a private lunch with my parents. I began to tell her all the nasty things I was going to do to her in bed. Halfway through my fantasy, she giggled and told me that she was going to take me off speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 822

You deserved it 71 900

By Anonymous - 02/08/2019 02:00

Today, my husband and I were having sex. It was stormy outside, and when lightning flashed through the window, he screamed like a little girl and scrambled off the bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 947

You deserved it 297

Vibe check

By Hopelesslover - 04/08/2009 21:03 - Malta

Today, I was trying to give my girlfriend an orgasm as she was lying on her back. I asked her, "How do you like that, baby?" She responded by asking where I bought my suspended ceiling and spotlights, as she thought they would look good in her flat. She apparently got bored instead of turned on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 823

You deserved it 17 658

Honky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while my boyfriend and I were getting intimate, I let out a moan that can only really be described as sounding like a clown car horn. He ended up laughing so hard that he couldn't continue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 405

You deserved it 5 206

By Anonymous - 15/09/2017 06:00

Today, while fingering my girlfriend in the dark, I tried to be sexy and licked my fingers. After we turned the lights back on, we realized that her period had come early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 598

You deserved it 2 149

Revealing

By kitkat545 - 15/06/2009 23:18 - United States

Today, my husband called me from work just to chat. He asked what I had been up to today. I was feeling frisky so I told him all about how I had gotten horny, watched a porno and masturbated earlier. It wasn't until I heard the hoots and laughter that I realized he had me on speakerphone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 082

You deserved it 51 006

By StretchNuts - 11/03/2010 12:50 - United States

Today, while getting it on with my wife, I started to talk dirty to her. She started laughing. When I asked her if she wanted me to stop, she just kept on laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 468

You deserved it 4 826

Don't you want me baby?

By Ugh - 05/12/2024 21:00 - Romania

Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 378

You deserved it 109

Coming!

By Anonymous - 28/04/2024 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my wife and I got frisky in the living room, completely forgetting we recently gave our adult daughter access to our home security cameras for safety reasons. The cameras didn’t see anything but she now keeps making fun of my orgasm noises, which apparently she found hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 570

flirtyfaery 7

Friday 17 December 2010 22:31

at least she has a sense of humour

Doortje 29

Friday 17 December 2010 22:37

This is the story you'll later tell your grandchildr-- wait, you have to actually have sex in order to ever have grandchildren.

Comments

GTmustang07 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 7:00

never bring the clap into your house

MeyMeyChan 6

Saturday 18 December 2010 8:02

Lol! Your were just turning on the lights.. They wanted a little fun too. Shouldn't be so mean to them.. The poor lights..

xredxvirusx 3

Saturday 18 December 2010 8:14

hhahahaa that's awesome!

mrsdoctor10 4

Saturday 18 December 2010 8:18

This is not an FML. That sounds hilarious!! It's good for a relationship to have a good laugh during sex every once in a while!

bennyboi501 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 8:36

oh man that's good stuff!! clap on clap clap clap off clap lol

xgetxbentx 13

Saturday 18 December 2010 9:12

ydi for thinking clapper lights are romantic....

nomnom_muffins 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 9:30

lmao, this is pretty funny. but how are clap on lights more romantic than a switch?

bubulz_fml 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 9:44

just pump faster... it would be like a strobe light lol

LittleMagicWolf 7

Saturday 18 December 2010 16:28

LOL yes although he'd half to be like bionic man to get THAT kind of speed going XD

unchained_fml 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 10:33

thats funny as hell man.

Exhausti 0

Saturday 18 December 2010 10:38

lol, awsome!

Keywords

Shoes Clothes Miscellaneous Relatable Insurance Transportation Cars Work Health Love Cheating Clumsy Food Awkward Embarrassing Animals Dating First Dates Bikes Dogs Cute Pranks Ironic Shopping Texting Mistakes Family Fight Birthday Drunk

The Top

Today, my girlfriend and I went on vacation. We flew 2000 miles, got off the plane, got our bags and stood outside the airport for our ride. She looks at me and says, "I can't do this anymore." So, she broke up with me and flew back home. Now I'm on vacation alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 325

You deserved it 4 035

Today, I found out that my girlfriend got drunk and cheated on me. After I tried to talk to her about it, she dumped me. Not because she didn't like me anymore or that she liked the other guy, but because she felt "too guilty" and "wouldn't be able to look me in the eyes anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 074

You deserved it 3 431

The Top

Today, a week after my fiancé and I got engaged, his mother is already complaining that she isn't involved enough in the wedding arrangements. We haven't even set a date yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 318

You deserved it 2 600

Today, I stole a pen from the doctor's office while she wasn't looking. Later on at work, I idly pulled the pen out during a meeting. My colleague looked at me, horrified. The pen had the words "minimally invasive gynecological surgery" emblazoned on it. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 660

You deserved it 51 506

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be sexy to stick her finger up my ass during sex. I screamed like a little girl and barely managed to finish. Afterward, she said, 'Now you know how it feels.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 615

You deserved it 91 026

Today, my boss sent me this reel where a girl was talking about how girls call their crushes bro. He asked me if that was true and somehow I replied, “Yes bro.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 859

Today, I found out my family refers to my room as "The Virgin Cave". FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 453

You deserved it 2 826

Today, my boyfriend came in my room dressed as Harry Potter and declared that he was going to put his basilisk into my chamber of secrets. And yes, that was my first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 262

You deserved it 8 254