Intimacy: Dad jokes

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 67 206

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Same thing different taste

Hang ups

By at least put on sexy underwear - 01/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 124

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 292

You deserved it 50 984

By beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 559

You deserved it 17 600

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 829

You deserved it 6 108

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 657

You deserved it 6 225

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 6 871

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 940

You deserved it 15 971

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 234

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 022

You deserved it 9 491

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 915

You deserved it 519

FlashBurn 13

Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.

dannyboy66 7

Monday 16 May 2011 12:06

sounds spicy

Comments

schoujar 0

Monday 16 May 2011 21:08

hahaha date me instead! dude, I think that's pretty creative!

wtfitsxash 3

Monday 16 May 2011 21:33

I would have found that hilarious.

ballbearing 10

Monday 16 May 2011 21:40

I wouldn't have sex with you either. your boring in bed and suck at humor. ydi

llamalpaca382 13

Monday 16 May 2011 21:56

And you're a bitch. End of story.

cumverg 0

Monday 16 May 2011 21:48

You're no fun if you are distraught of a pun enough to give up sex for it.

llamalpaca382 13

Monday 16 May 2011 21:53

Ahh, very witty :)

doodlez223 1

Monday 16 May 2011 22:03

Sounds like someone can't take a joke. I though it was kind of sweet in a goofy guy way. Maybe he doesn't know what she would like and needs help. But I give him credit for thinking of something creative. I don't blame her for being a little mad though if you actually dumped the spices on the bed.

crazi0957 0

Monday 16 May 2011 22:35

As a girl who is happily engaged, I have to say thats pretty clever. If my fiance did that, I would laugh my ass off and then have sex. The only way I would get even the least bit irritated is if he dumped all my spices onto the bed. But thats only because that would mean he wasted my spices knowing how much I love to cook. My advice: If you actually wasted spices, go buy more then go tlk to her. If you just took the time to put the bottles in the bed, you need to fix this soon or get a new gf. Sex should be about knowing how to laugh. Its not supposed to be serious and tense but relaxed and fun. Good luck.