Intimacy and Health: Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put...

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 911

You deserved it 518

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Same thing different taste

Taste test

By Anonymous - 25/01/2014 12:28 - United States - Berkeley

Today, my husband decided to put different condiments on my body to make our sex better. I was thinking whipped cream; he was feeling ketchup. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 643

You deserved it 6 605

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 420

You deserved it 6 868

By Anonymous - 20/09/2013 04:57 - United States - Santa Barbara

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 686

You deserved it 12 061

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 018

You deserved it 67 201

Prank gone wrong

By Anonymous - 27/02/2023 18:00

Today, my prank-loving girlfriend pushed hot sauce up my penis hole with her tongue by pretending she was going to give me oral sex. It’s been an hour of burning, it’s worse when I pee, and I think I may need a hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 888

You deserved it 252

Skin deep

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 107

You deserved it 36 944

Saucy

By ouchhhh - 20/07/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try something new in bed. He blindfolded me and I felt something cold on my lady parts. 5 seconds later it started burning so I looked. He decided to use toothpaste because he couldn't find chocolate sauce to lick off. It hurts to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 585

You deserved it 628

Scoville scale

By firefire - 30/07/2020 08:01

Today, since my husband has been volunteering to do more of the cooking, I was happy and relieved to have help, until every meal he made had an ungodly amount of spices in it. I overheard him on the phone, saying he’s been purposely making my food inedibly hot so that I’ll eat less and lose weight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 982

You deserved it 306

Better call Saul

By Anonymous - 19/07/2023 00:02

Today, while I was asleep, my girlfriend squirted a tiny amount of “mild” hot sauce up my pee hole. In an area that sensitive there's no such thing as fucking mild. I’ve had two days off work already because it stings, and I cry every time I have to pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 471

You deserved it 193

Captain Jack

By Anonymous - 11/08/2012 22:22 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I had a chat with my husband, and I convinced him to try being more spontaneous to spice up our sex life. This evening, he burst into our bedroom with an eyepatch on, and "seductively" growled, "I'm gonna slay your pussy, wench." FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 403

You deserved it 43 608

riley873 21

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:06

Give that fool ass a habanero handjob. To say 'thank you'.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:12

You ****** the paramedic?!?! That’s some swift and savage revenge!

Comments

MidnaLink 33

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:05

He thought skin irritation would be sexy?

Burle 17

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:05

Little past skin deep...

riley873 21

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:06

Give that fool ass a habanero handjob. To say 'thank you'.

chocolate019 6

Friday 15 June 2018 0:39

Whooooooshhh (the Hoke flying over your head)

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:12

You ****** the paramedic?!?! That’s some swift and savage revenge!

chichichimcgee 1

Thursday 14 June 2018 21:24

No the paremetic came to the house

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 14 June 2018 21:39

You have your interpretation, I have mine.

engineerosaurus 26

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:43

Your husband is an idiot.

irenke 14

Thursday 14 June 2018 5:50

Wouldn’t it have affected him, too?

MidnaLink 33

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:49

It didn’t get that far.

bluejello2001 18

Thursday 14 June 2018 16:00

If he was wearing a condom, probably not.

realjojo 11

Friday 15 June 2018 4:00

Using irritant lube and got himself a condom? That is a dick move... I suggest next time apply the hot-sauce INSIDE the rubber...

NostalgiaFreak9 41

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:01

I hope the divorce is cheaper than the treatment.

Donut_Wizard 23

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:10

Snip snip.

NirvanaLove 21

Friday 15 June 2018 0:05

how dare you suggest that

FishyFishy 12

Thursday 14 June 2018 6:10

How about you spice things up by adding a divorce to the mix of things?!

Zekfen 17

Thursday 14 June 2018 7:34

Fire in the hole!

jbuckets_404 38

Thursday 14 June 2018 8:18

OP, use that same lube on your strap-on for him to enjoy the new, improved "ring of fire!"

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The Top

Today, at work at an OB office, I heard a ruckus in the hallway before a very large woman burst into my room and tried to attack my very pregnant patient. Crazy lady is the wife of the pregnant lady’s baby daddy, who is nowhere to be found. I don’t get paid enough for this shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 63

Today, I went out to dinner with my boyfriend and his mom. The hostess asked if I needed "the kid's menu," remarked how I look "so grown up for your age," and asked what grade I was in. I said I'm in university. She laughed as if it was the best joke ever told. I'm 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 772

You deserved it 2 046

The Top

Today, I handed a written complaint to a shop manager about an employee who had used foul language to my teenage daughter. I then watched as he took the complaint to the employee in question, they read it together, laughed, then the manager tore it in half and threw it in the bin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 411

You deserved it 1 049

Today, at a work gathering, I started chatting with a guy who looked familiar. It took 5 minutes to realize he was a guy from my apartment complex. For the last year I've been pretending to be an accountant named Claire whenever we met in the elevator because I thought it was funny. My real name isn’t Claire and I’m definitely not an accountant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57

You deserved it 716

Today, my science class found out that I have OCD and that one of my rituals is to cough when others cough. This is going to be a long year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 957

You deserved it 4 325

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I agree, your life sucks 33 336

You deserved it 8 817

Today, I slept in my parents’ room because there was a mouse in mine. My father speaks English as a second language, and is telling everyone that we’re sleeping with each other. Thankfully I’m old enough for it to just sound gross, not illegal. The last thing we need is a CPS visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 860

You deserved it 132

Today, I offered my boyfriend medicine which is quite likely to help with his pollen allergy and other health problems, free of charge, and without side effects. I also pointed out an easy fix to keep the pollen out of his apartment. He said, “No thanks” to both, and just kept on complaining. FML

I agree, your life sucks 756

You deserved it 145

Same thing different taste

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