Intimacy: Dad jokes

Dad jokes

By phoenix101 - 16/05/2011 05:40

Today, my girlfriend asked if we could spice up our sex life. She didn't think it was too funny when I laid out all of our spices on the bed. She now refuses to have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 020

You deserved it 67 206

The rhythm of the fight
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Same thing different taste

Hang ups

By at least put on sexy underwear - 01/09/2023 20:00

Today, my girlfriend complained that we never have sex anymore. The only way she ever wants sex is missionary, with barely any foreplay. When I asked if we could spice things up and mentioned a few simple ideas, she said the conversation was making her uncomfortable and changed the subject. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 124

By T-Guy - 03/07/2011 03:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted to spice up our sex life, so we went and had sex in the park. We had 30 minutes of "spice", just to spend seven hours in jail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 292

You deserved it 50 985

By beaverless - 02/05/2011 20:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend kindly broke the news to me that she doesn't want to take part in any sexual activity anymore because it's getting too boring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 559

You deserved it 17 600

That kidnapped kink

By georgiahick - 30/12/2010 14:09

Today, my boyfriend asked me to 'spice things up in the bedroom'. When I asked how, he said I could try wearing a paper bag over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 829

You deserved it 6 108

Hot and… greasy

By cortanaisahobot - 19/07/2012 20:29 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my boyfriend I wanted to spice up our sex life. He suggested incorporating bacon. He was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 657

You deserved it 6 225

By milked - 27/02/2015 05:28 - United States

Today, as I was about to have sex with my husband, I said I wanted to "spice things up." Apparently, our ideas weren't the same. He yanked my nipples as hard as he could and said, "Yeah, you like that?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 426

You deserved it 6 871

Desperate

By yourmainman - 28/01/2013 05:03 - Canada

Today, after months of lacking intimacy in our relationship, my girlfriend decided to spice things up by covering her naked body with whipped cream. Except, we didn't have any in the fridge, so instead I had to politely lick shaving cream off of her while fighting the urge to vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 940

You deserved it 15 971

Tiger King

By ??? - 12/10/2020 08:00 - United States

Today, I asked my wife how we could spice up our sex life. She wants me to dress up and talk like Joe Exotic. No, she wasn’t kidding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 397

You deserved it 234

Sounds hot

By oops999 - 19/11/2013 19:46 - United States - Downingtown

Today, my girlfriend and I were going to have sex. To set the mood, she suggested we watch a porno she once starred in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 024

You deserved it 9 492

By Firepussy911 - 14/06/2018 06:22

Today, my husband decided to literally spice things up. He put a "small amount" of hot-sauce in our lubricant without telling me. He thought 1,000,000 Scoville units would make me cum. The only one who came was the paramedic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 915

You deserved it 519

FlashBurn 13

Monday 16 May 2011 12:07

Wow, that's a poor sense of humor. Tell her to grow up and take a joke.

dannyboy66 7

Monday 16 May 2011 12:06

sounds spicy

Comments

lulututu 4

Tuesday 17 May 2011 9:02

I think that's cute and funny. But she is probably to sexually frustrated to see it that way. Sucks for you'

tbonea1990 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 10:03

dumbass

cptmorgan14 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 11:21

stupid girl! sorry but you should end it with her now

metallicshadow 16

Tuesday 17 May 2011 13:44

bitch has no sense of humor, if i were her, i would **** you like an animal

Fifth_Dimension 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 14:43

ur a ****** dumbass . *facepalm*

AZUMIKKEL 3

Tuesday 17 May 2011 17:05

You're* ******** dumbass.*

crazyblackchick 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 14:52

FYL for not having a gf with a sense of humor.

RavenNight 0

Tuesday 17 May 2011 16:36

i would hve thought tht wa funny

CSRozell 4

Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:08

lmao that awesome

Martinelli 1

Tuesday 17 May 2011 19:55

Well I think it's funny.

TheyCallmeStacey 9

Tuesday 17 May 2011 20:32

Ads move, but funny

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The Top

Today, my father bet me $200 that since my boyfriend is "such a stupid shit," he wouldn't be able to locate Paraguay on a map. I gladly accepted the bet. Not only did he not know where it is, he actually accused us of making the country up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 905

You deserved it 13 915

Today, my fiancé and I toured our dream home. I was so excited about it that I posted all kinds of pictures of it on Facebook. My boss's daughter just called and said she loved my pictures so much that she made an offer on the house. We were one week away from making an offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 421

You deserved it 34 670

The Top

Today, I was recovering from an operation. After I felt better, I checked my phone. There were 35 missed calls and angry text messages from my boyfriend asking why I wasn't at his house to cook his dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 592

You deserved it 6 504

Today, I was sick and laid up in bed, and my boyfriend decided to bring me some soup. Just as he reached the bed, he tripped over his own feet and spilled the soup all over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 540

You deserved it 3 443

Today was just like any other normal day. Spent the day cleaning the house from top to bottom. I felt great until I went into just about every room I’d cleaned and saw that it was messed up again with zero attempts from my stepdaughter to clean it back up. I really hate preteens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 024

You deserved it 315

Today, my stepdaughter proudly showed off her new tattoo. It says "Jace’s place" in sloppy script on her lower belly. She’s 15. Jace is a boy she’s been seeing for 3 months. She got the tattoo in "some guy’s garage." It happened during her weekend visit with her father. Hello teenage rebellion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 894

You deserved it 189

Today, my girlfriend has memory issues because of a car accident. She broke up with me because I was acting like if things were more serious that she wanted them to be. She forgot she proposed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 248

You deserved it 205

Today, after a DNA test and getting his sperm count checked, my husband still doesn't believe our son is his. He was kicked in the nuts several times as a child, something he believes has rendered him infertile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 771

You deserved it 1 809