Intimacy: False alarm

False alarm

By dirtyhands - 18/02/2009 23:01 - United States

Today, I was masturbating on my inflatable air mattress that squeaks when you move. Suddenly, my mom burst into my room to ask if I was okay because she thought the squeaking was me crying. I ripped my hands from my pants and turned on my side; she walked over and grabbed my hands to console me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 529

You deserved it 62 912

Back to school
Is that it, have we really enjoyed the holidays? It's time to find the best back-to-school struggles. More…

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Same thing different taste

Lock your doors

By Anonymous - 27/05/2019 00:14

Today, I was touching myself in my room. Just as I hit the climax, my mom walked in because she heard me making noises and thought I was having a nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 480

You deserved it 764

By nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 960

You deserved it 20 244

Cool off

By chumleevil - 08/07/2011 04:20 - United States

Today, after running a couple of miles, I went upstairs into my air-conditioned room to cool off. Apparently, my mom walked past my room and heard me breathing heavily. Later, she had my dad give me a talk about masturbation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 264

You deserved it 3 504

Noise complaint

By scarred - 27/07/2009 04:42 - United States

Today, I heard my parents having sex for the first time so I turned the TV up really loud to drown out the noise, and a minute or two later my mom comes downstairs in this skimpy nightgown to ask me why the TV was so loud and, seeing the horror on my face, kept asking what was wrong with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 109

You deserved it 3 959

Play it cool

By Fraser - 08/03/2012 19:03 - Canada

Today, my mother caught me masturbating. Trying to defuse the awkward tension, I said "Oh, I was just thinking about you!" Not a good idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 204

You deserved it 56 651

By Diogo Filipe de Almeida - 29/07/2018 06:00

Today, I was jerking off at 2am when a giant, thumb-sized cockroach came flying across my room, prompting me to scream pretty loudly. My mom then came into my room worried, only to find me naked on top of the couch, screaming like a little girl. I still had an erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 123

You deserved it 2 867

Late reaction

By fuck - 22/01/2020 14:00 - Canada - Airdrie

Today, I was masturbating in my bedroom, when suddenly, my mom opened the door and walked in with guests. I didn't react quick enough. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 361

You deserved it 668

By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 269

You deserved it 3 325

Keep your wits about you

By Rawr - 30/12/2009 01:05 - United States

Today, I was really horny after some dirty texts from my boyfriend. Since everyone seemed to be sleeping, I closed my eyes and started to touch myself. I was really close to climaxing when I opened my eyes and made eye contact with my mother staring at me as I was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 476

You deserved it 11 686

Handy

By Anonymous - 06/03/2011 18:15 - Sweden

Today, my girlfriend was giving me a handjob in the shower. As I was reaching climax, my mom walked by the bathroom door and started talking to me. My girlfriend didn't stop, and in order to distract from the situation at hand, I had to carry on the conversation with my mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 909

You deserved it 11 994

Horny_Christian 0

Thursday 19 February 2009 3:15

At least she didn't pick up that you were masterbating.

AliSama 17

Thursday 19 February 2009 2:50

be happy, she was worried and loves you. also.. umm. being caught masturbating, and being comforted is not a fml. It is just a comedy, which ended with you knowing you are loved. A fml would have been well, far worst. lol.

Comments

abbottizer 0

Monday 2 March 2009 9:09

that's what you get for masturbating. sicko

i8thelastcookeii 0

Wednesday 24 November 2010 2:02

 your an ass... I mean seriously 95% of people **********. srsly even though I don't I don't think it's sick. ur a .

DrewFluIngle 10

Tuesday 7 February 2012 21:57

Happy shit (:

BananEnigma 24

Wednesday 6 April 2016 23:59

Hmmmm, 50+ downvotes...... I guess that's what YOU get for being a judgemental asshole. :)

LMF_fml 0

Monday 2 March 2009 19:12

that suuucks...but really...wait till your parents leave next time hahahahaaa

reptyle216 0

Friday 6 March 2009 0:59

Let's see... Today I thought I heard my son crying in his room. I went to his room to console him but he pulled away when I tried to give him a hug. So I reached for his hand instead. He wasn't crying. He was masturbating. FML

takikosohma 0

Friday 19 June 2009 7:44

It's actually a girl. lol

JustinBieberIsOK 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 23:29

it's a woman smarty

flyingsheep1838 0

Friday 1 October 2010 0:55

it's a girl. look at the top.

Ariannalang 0

Friday 18 March 2011 0:49

Why would you assume she was a guy? Over 80% of women **********.

bullrider92 19

Sunday 28 August 2011 2:36

The Iphone app does not show gender.

HannahPaloozah 0

Sunday 28 August 2011 9:19

Sometimes they do, I'm on iPhone rite now and I see its a girl

BananEnigma 24

Thursday 7 April 2016 0:01

In the iPhone app or on the site while on the iPhone, the user photos beside each comment/post are encircled by either blue, pink or grey to show gender (grey is if they didn't specify or etc).....

BananEnigma 24

Thursday 7 April 2016 0:09

Also, right beside the OP's nickname is usually a little graphic of a silhouette, either of a man or a girl, or it just won't be there if the gender is not specified.