Intimacy: Frustrated

Frustrated

By skipper - 12/02/2009 17:25 - United States

Today, I listened to my roommate having sex from 3 a.m. until 6 a.m. When I looked over at my girlfriend, who must have thought I was sleeping, I noticed she was masturbating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 814

You deserved it 12 091

When Christmas Ends Badly…
Rather than debating politics with Uncle Roger for the umpteenth time, share the best Christmas FMLs to finally have a good family meal! More…

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Same thing different taste

By Arizonagirl - 06/11/2016 07:31 - United States

Today, I walked in on my roommate having sex in my bed, because apparently hers is "for sleeping only". FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 318

You deserved it 840

By lunarboy - 17/02/2009 00:24 - United States

Today, I decided to watch some porn before bed. The lights were off and my roommate was already asleep behind me. I put on my noise-canceling headphones and turned up the volume all the way. After a few strokes my roommate got up and plugged in the headphones for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 704

You deserved it 68 953

MY EARS! MY EARS!

By ashbeat - 01/01/2013 15:20 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I can hear my flatmate masturbating loudly and asking himself if he likes it. And replying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 641

You deserved it 4 401

Boundaries, dude!

By Anonymous - 14/09/2019 06:01

Today, I was awoken by the sound of my dorm roommate having sex three feet from me. He was sober, knew I was there, and has a deployed military girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 498

You deserved it 236

By yourstruly - 11/02/2010 19:40 - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of someone having sex in the room next to me. I don't have a roommate. Turns out my mom thought I was out of town and used her extra key to bring a guy over for sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 715

You deserved it 2 361

By Anonymous - 07/11/2009 16:24 - United States

Today, I wanted to sleep in after a rough week, only to be woken up by my roommate's sex screams and the pounding of her bed against the wall. Earplugs did not help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 848

You deserved it 2 434

Post-it time

By Anonymous - 21/01/2023 18:00

Today, I share a room with a person who masturbates noisily every morning at 5 a.m. like clockwork. Only I can't really say anything, because she's literally deaf. I wish she could hear herself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 381

You deserved it 197

By anon - 15/09/2012 05:35 - United States - Rocklin

Today, I woke up to the sound of my neighbor pleasuring himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 435

You deserved it 2 729

By idontwanttoknow - 16/06/2013 11:37 - United States

Today, I heard my roommate moaning my name in the shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 120

You deserved it 6 917

By Anonymous - 26/04/2015 07:09 - Australia - Burwood

Today, I woke up to my girlfriend having phone sex less than 10 feet away from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 979

You deserved it 2 961

FunWriter20 0

Friday 13 February 2009 0:15

Lol, I hope you helped her out.

MCart_fml 0

Friday 13 February 2009 0:38

Seriously, why be the only one not getting off? Sleep is for the weak.

Comments

KonM4N4Life 0

Thursday 2 July 2009 10:31

@2 I agree :P

Shyman4ever 0

Sunday 5 July 2009 0:40

YOU IDIOT. You shouldve joined her it was the perfect time you stupid ******* dumbass.

bloodyhell9398 0

Monday 20 July 2009 20:23

**** HER BRAINS OUT

Scexer 0

Tuesday 6 October 2009 4:54

Like a boss 8)

darknailpolish 0

Sunday 2 August 2009 8:36

i would've woken her up if i thought someone was asleep.

elliekinslurvsya 0

Wednesday 5 August 2009 21:01

wait, wait, wait...your roommate had sex for 3 hours?? and you just listened?!

BennyG 0

Sunday 30 August 2009 2:50

skrew half of these guys,, it must suck to see you girlfriend ********** to your best friend

antiluck101 0

Sunday 6 September 2009 0:46

Dude at least u got some ****** action I mean like wut was her reaction when she saw you couldn't of been THAT bad.

my_haylie_baby 0

Monday 7 December 2009 22:16

Love it!!! hahahahahahaha!!!!!!

GrtJzzMn 0

Tuesday 29 December 2009 13:11

Ya I have to admit that it like going forgold right there. not a FML but you do need to satisfy your woman now.

emdre 0

Monday 8 March 2010 8:17

maybe your gay cause that should have turned you on

Keywords

Poopoo peepee Love Embarrassing Miscellaneous Christmas Romantic Break-ups Annoying Money Gross Ironic Argument Awkward Friends Cute Haircut Lonely Holidays Relatable Work Bosses Capitalism Cars You're fired Health Covid Jealousy Cheating Kids Parenting

The Top

Today, my nosey louse of a coworker went to HR and told them I was snorting drugs at my desk. I was using nasal saline, as the dry winter weather wreaks havoc on my sinuses. The fact that they even brought me in pisses me off beyond words. FML

I agree, your life sucks 469

You deserved it 75

Today, I was upset after my boyfriend and I broke up. My best friend heard and told me she would be right over. Three hours of waiting later, she stumbles in wasted. She had been at the bar, with my ex, making sure he was okay. For me, I just got a list of all the drinks she had that night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 086

You deserved it 2 489

The Top

Today, it's my third day of gastroenteritis that’s wreaked havoc on my young family for a full week. More vomit and poo than I care to admit. Coming up to the two year anniversary of my brother taking his own life, just before Xmas. People say it’s a happy time of year. Not for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 845

You deserved it 112

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 618

You deserved it 16 715

Today, thanks to my eating habits as of late, I went half the day without getting hungry. I ultimately figured out this just happens sometimes, so I didn't worry. However, as soon as I crawled into bed, I got hungry. I now have two options: I can either stay awake from hunger, or stay awake from eating too late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 281

You deserved it 217

Today, I let my friend use my computer to download some music. Now, my computer has 6 viruses and 4 songs, all of which I hate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 545

You deserved it 26 344

Today, I decided to buy my Chinese Studies professor a gift from Taiwan, so I got her a mini-Taiwanese passport that said "Republic of China" on it. As it turns out, it was actually a two-pack of travel condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 255

You deserved it 2 956

Today, I quit smoking. My son came home with an ashtray he made in arts and crafts class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 797

You deserved it 7 619